Broken Dreams, New Hopes
by md-bookworm
Summary: *Complete* Serena and Lita are sisters. What happens when their home life is anything but nice? PG-13 for violence. please R/R.
1. Default Chapter

All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of me, the author, and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. Any individual known or unknown does not inspire these characters to the author, and all incidents are pure invention. This has been very difficult for me to write and I hope everyone understands, abuse is an everyday issue, but if you are abused, you can rise above the hard times and look forward to the good times with friends and family. Please get help if you have been abused or you know someone who is an abuser. It could be a matter of life and death for that person. Also, Sailor Moon and all related characters do not belong to me; I'm just borrowing them for a while. All others are mine.   
  
Irene locked the bathroom door, and quickly turned on the fan and the cold-water tap as the basin filled. She dipped a face cloth into the cold water, pressed the cloth against her right eye, and wincing with pain as she held it there for a few minutes. She willed her mind to go blank, anything to erase the scene that had transpired less than five minutes ago. She didn't dare raise her eyes to the mirror above the sink--not yet. She needed time to think up an excuse for her latest 'accident'.  
  
She sighed dejectedly as she slumped to the floor, giving in to her emotions. She winced again in pain as a salty tear slid down her raw cheek. What was she going to do? Where could she go? Was it really her fault? Alexander always warned her not to make him angry. He constantly reminded her that he was the head of the household and, as his wife she was to submit to him without question. There was no middle ground.  
  
She had no idea what had prompted his outburst this time. When he returned from work, she'd had his favorite meal on the table, the apartment was spotless, and their three teenagers were on their best behavior. Deep down Irene knew Alexander really didn't need a reason to abuse her. If he had a bad day at work, she was his punching bag. He relieved his frustrations through her. Sometimes he only verbally abused her then he would question why she had no self-esteem and lovingly tell her all of her wonderful characteristics. From abuse to compliments, she'd gotten caught up in the middle and lately had begun to question her own sanity. Perhaps she really was a terrible human being.  
  
She felt like a failure in everything she did. No wonder her friends had deserted her. Alexander was her only friend. She had Alexander and the kids. That was all. Her life was a mess. She had nothing to show for thirty- five years of life except a long list of failures and perhaps more injuries than is normal for someone her age.  
  
She stood up and slowly forced herself to look at her reflection in the mirror. Startled, she realized that it looked as though it was a stranger that was staring back at her. That can't be me. Her eye was puffy and was slowly turning a horrible shade of purple. Alexander's ring had left a gash in her cheek. She performed her usual ritual of applying makeup to cover her injuries, then ran a brush through her blond hair. She lay the brush down as she heard a faint tap at the door.  
  
"Mom, it's me," a shaky and unsure voice called from the other side of the door. "Are you okay?"  
  
Irene quickly unlocked the door to face her firstborn. The girl stared in horror as sobs shook her thin body. "Mom," she whimpered, "how can you put up with this? Especially since it's not getting any better, only worse."  
  
Irene put her arms around her daughter and held her close for a few seconds, at the same time hating herself for letting her daughters be witnesses to Alexander's violence and not doing a better job of protecting them from it. She released Serena and held her at arms length and looked at her. Serena was a beauty at the tender age of sixteen. Silky blond hair framed her delicate face. Irene was looking at a carbon copy of herself at that age. The only difference was that her child lacked the carefree whimsy most girls her age felt. Serena reluctantly went out with her friends and had recently been asked to a dance by Darien Ross, who Irene knew was the most popular boy in school. Irene couldn't have asked for anyone sweeter for her daughter. Darien had wavy black hair and deep-set sapphire blue eyes. Serena had liked him for months and had secretly confided her feelings to Irene. However, Serena had been certain that Darien would never give her a second look. She tried to convince herself that maybe he only asked her out because he felt sorry for her. Irene tried to impress upon her daughter how many fine attributes she possessed, but Serena would not be swayed, and accused Irene of telling her those things out of a sense of obligation as her mother. After all, Serena reasoned, no mother would tell her daughter that she was ugly even if that was the case. Irene blamed herself for her daughter's lack of self-esteem.  
  
She only now realized how Alexander's actions had affected all of them and would continue to do so unless she changed things. She worried that her daughters would either become involved with abusive men or be afraid to make a normal commitment to any man. Now Serena feared that she wouldn't measure up to Darien's expectations of her.  
  
"Mom, why can't you just leave Alexander? You and Lita and I were happy before. We can't stand Alexander," she said through gritted teeth.  
  
"I'll think of something, honey. I promise." She smiled weakly. "Where's Lita?"  
  
"Alexander made her go to her room. He said he was sick of her back talk." Serena 's eyes filled with tears as she put a delicate hand to her mother's cheek.  
  
"Where's Stephan?"  
  
She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Alexander said he was going to take him somewhere. I wonder what he'll come back with this time or even when. It's not fair, Mom! Stephan can go and do all sorts of stuff and we're stuck here at home, getting bored out of our minds."  
  
"No, it's not, Serena," she answered dejectedly as she again wondered what she could do. "Let's get Lita and watch an old movie. Just the three of us like old times. I'll even make some popcorn." She smiled.  
  
  
  
Hours later Irene lay in the king-sized bed she shared with her husband. She desperately wanted to fall into a deep sleep, then wake up and be assured her life was just a bad dream. The hell she was living couldn't be real because so much had died. She had been so unaware of it until one day she didn't know herself anymore. The smile and forced happiness that she showed to the world were just masks covering the person she'd become.  
  
Her mind screamed to turn back the hands of time, but she knew that it was too late. She could never bring back the happy, fun-loving person she had once been. The past four years had murdered that person and she knew she could not raise herself from the dead. She was mentally defeated.  
  
An hour earlier she'd heard Alexander's key in the lock and listened as he shuffled down the hall to Stephan's room. Stephan's voice talked animatedly about some extravagant purchase his father had gotten him. Irene sighed. It would mean juggling the monthly budget again.  
  
She felt sick to her stomach. After one of her husband's outbursts, he always took Stephan out for a trip to the mall. He never asked her children to come along. His excuse was always the same; "My boy comes first with me. I'm not the girls' real father." Tears stung her eyes. She loved her daughters with all of her heart and soul and she tried to love Stephan, but as time wore on, he was turning into a duplicate of his father. He could be so sweet and loving when he was alone with her, but turned into an obnoxious beast when his father was around. He knew how to pull his father's strings and enjoyed playing him against her. He was going to grow up to repeat his father's actions in his own relationships.  
  
To bring Stephan's behavior to his father's attention would only incite another outburst from Alexander. Irene remembered Alexander saying over and over that he and his son had no faults but always had to deal with everyone else's. It was a hopeless situation.  
  
She heard the bedroom door quietly open. She took a deep breath as she heard Alexander remove his clothes and slip into bed beside her.  
  
"Hi, sweetheart," he said as he nuzzled her shoulder with his chin. He planted tender kisses on her neck.  
  
Irene felt like crying. Why couldn't her husband be this gentle all of the time? This same scene played out over and over after his abuse. She had it memorized. He would act as though nothing had happened and even express surprise at her bruises and deny responsibility for her injuries. His excuse would be that she happened to be in his way and stumbled, or that she was imagining the abuse and then feign shock that she could ever think he would hurt her. He offered to help her find a counselor for the mental and emotional problems he insisted she had. Sometimes she wondered if she were losing her mind. Her daughters witnessed many of his attacks, but his answer was always the same. They were lying about him because they hated him and wanted to make him look like a monster to the world. Irene knew that somewhere within himself he knew his guilt.  
  
Alexander brushed her hair from her brow. The moonlight cast just enough light over the bed to illustrate them. "You are so beautiful," he whispered as he caressed her neck and then slowly and masterfully slid his hands down to her breasts.  
  
Irene wanted to squelch the fire beginning inside of her as he skillfully manipulated her body into raw sexual passion. She pleaded to herself to remember what he had done to her hours earlier. Her heart beat quicker as her uncontrollable passion melted into the depths of his body. He continued to sexually tease her until he could no longer contain his own desire.  
  
  
  
Later Irene listened to his steady rhythmic breathing and knew that he was in a peaceful sleep. She gently touched his cheek and stared down at him. He looked so innocent, almost boyish, lying with one leg kicked out from under the blanket. A strand of jet-black hair fell loosely over his brow.  
  
She longed to hold him and cradle his head against her breast. She ached to get inside his mind to learn why he did and said the things he did. How could he love her so passionately one minute, then physically and verbally abuse her the next? Every time she convinced herself that she should leave him, it seemed as though he could read her mind, and he would suddenly do an about-face and act sweet and attentive, convincing her that she should give him one more chance. Deep down she knew that her fear of leaving him really stemmed from the fact that she had nowhere to go. But at the same time she wondered how many more chances she could give him before he completely destroyed her.  
  
Irene got out of bed and walked over to the window seat. She sat down and drew her slender legs to her chin. She stared out into the silent darkness. She longed to be a child again. That was so long ago, before her life had become so complicated. She gazed at a bright star and thought of how many times she had wished upon a star as a child, and with a child's innocence had believed that her wish would be granted.  
  
She still felt the touch of Alexander's masculine hands. She breathed deeply, wishing for some normalcy to her life. She craved to be loved and cherished. Alexander satisfied her sexually but left her feeling cold and empty inside. "Please, God," she prayed, "let my husband see what he is doing and help him to change."  
  
She hugged her knees as her body trembled and silent tears began to fall.  
  
  
  
Irene stood at the stove fixing Alexander's breakfast when he entered the small kitchen. He walked over to the table and set his briefcase next to his chair, then firmly planted his hands on the back of it.  
  
The children had been chatting noisily as they ate, but now they abruptly fell silent.  
  
Irene noticed the chilly silence and stole a glance at her husband. He was impeccably dressed in black slacks, and a gray jacket. His jaw was firmly set, and his facial expression caused an icy coldness to creep up her spine. Her hand trembled slightly as she flipped the pancakes. She slowly turned to face him. "Good morning, honey," she said, trying to keep her voice bright. "Are you going to be late tonight?"  
  
"I don't know," he said as his eyes swept over her face.  
  
Irene could see the disgust in his eyes. This morning she had tried to mask her bruises, but the ugly purple welt on her cheek showed through and her eye was a sickening shade of black and blue.  
  
"What did you run into this time?" he asked sharply.  
  
She fought the urge to retort, "Your fist," but instead said, "I don't know. Maybe the cupboard." She looked at her daughters. She could read no emotion on their faces. They knew it was useless to contradict anything Alexander said. He was the ultimate authority.  
  
"You sure are clumsy, Irene," Stephan laughed.  
  
He knew the truth. He had seen what his father had done to her last night. Her jaw tightened, but she kept her silence. She observed his profile. He was a husky boy for his fifteen years, and tall. His hair color was the same as his father's and he had those same penetrating dark eyes, eyes, which she knew, hid so much of the truth behind them. She turned back to the stove.  
  
Alexander walked over to her and roughly clamped his hands on her shoulders, causing her to wince in pain. "Don't you ever look at my son like that again!" he thundered.  
  
"I . . . I didn't," she said lamely, then added, "but I wish you would have him show some respect for me."  
  
Alexander laughed loudly. "Respect!" He turned to his son. "Son, she wants your respect!"  
  
Stephan smirked as he finished his bowl of cereal. "You sure know how to pick 'em, Dad."  
  
Alexander turned her around. "How can you have the nerve to ask anyone to respect you? Look at yourself! You can't do anything right! It's a wonder you can even dress yourself in the morning!"  
  
Tears stung her eyes as she stole a glance at Serena and Lita. She could see the pain in their eyes, and it shattered her heart. She had to do something, but she didn't know what. Her head throbbed. She looked into her husband's cold, black eyes. "Honey, let me turn off the stove." She kept her voice light, masking her inner pain.  
  
He released his grip on her. She heaped pancakes on a plate and handed them to him. "I made them just the way you like them." She smiled.  
  
Alexander shrugged his shoulders as he slammed the plate on the counter. "You don't know how to do anything just the way I like it." He walked over to the table, picked up his briefcase, and left the room.  
  
Minutes later Irene heard the front door slam. Her mind drifted to the previous night. He had been so loving and attentive. What was wrong? Was it her? Did she bring this anger out in him? Trying to make sense out of his moods frustrated her.  
  
After the children left for school, she occupied herself the remainder of the morning with doing her daily household chores. She walked from room to room of the cramped apartment as though in a daze, wondering why her life had turned out completely opposite of what she had planned. She sat on the edge of her bed, put her head in her hands, and closed her eyes. She tried to pray but found no peace. She doubted she would ever feel peace again.  
  
At noon she went outside to weed the small garden she had planted a few weeks earlier. Each tenant in the apartment complex was allotted a small plot of land each spring for flowers or vegetables.  
  
She pulled the weeds, enjoying the mid-June sunshine splashing down on her back. She was aware of the chatter between her neighbors as they brought out lawn chairs for their daily visits while basking in the warmth of the beautiful day. She caught bits and pieces of their conversations and longed to be included in their circle of friendship but knew it could never happen. When she and Alexander moved in two years earlier, he had forbid her from getting chummy with their new neighbors. She didn't blame her neighbors for ignoring her because she had shrugged off all attempts at friendship. She wondered what they really thought about her. She must seem odd to them staying so withdrawn in her own little world. She was certain they had heard plenty of noise coming from the apartment because of the paper-thin walls. Whenever she passed one of the women in the hallway, she noticed a curious, wondering look. No one ever tried to be friends since she had rebuked their neighborly gestures so many times before, but she wished someone would see the loneliness. Couldn't someone see how desperately she needed a friend?  
  
Irene kept her head low, perspiration beading up on her forehead. It trickled down her back. She immersed herself in her private thoughts and didn't hear approaching footsteps.  
  
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Copeland. It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" a pleasant voice asked.  
  
Irene jumped, startled, and then quickly regained her composure. "Yes, it is," she answered shyly, still keeping her head low.  
  
"I didn't mean to frighten you. I was just admiring your garden. You seem to know an awful lot about vegetable plants. I was wondering if you could give me a few hints?" The woman laughed as she continued, "My garden looks sick compared to yours. Bill, my husband, said I should talk to you."  
  
Irene slowly raised her head and looked into the older woman's friendly face. Her eyes met the woman's and she saw the shock in them as they swiftly looked over Irene's bruises.  
  
Irene pulled herself to her feet. "I'd be happy to help," she said as she wiped her hands on the back of her jeans. She followed the woman to a plot a few feet away and almost laughed out loud when she saw the tangled mass of weeds and plants. She dug into the moist soil and yanked at the weeds.  
  
"By the way, my name is Amy Madison. I've lived here for more than twenty years," the woman said.  
  
"Hi, I'm Irene Copeland," she shyly replied.  
  
"I know," the woman said with a smile. "Your husband's name is Alexander and he's a sales representative for Flexon Plastics. You two have three children, each from a previous marriage."  
  
Irene became uncomfortable as she wondered how much more the woman knew about her. She did not dig for information, but still Irene felt the need to make up an excuse for her bruises. "I must be the clumsiest person alive," she finally said. "Last night I ran right into the cupboard. I guess one of the kids forgot to close it." She smiled.  
  
"It happens to the best of us." Amy returned her smile. "How about coming up to my apartment for a cup of coffee?"  
  
"I wish I could, but I have a lot to do this afternoon," she lied. She fought back the urge to accept the invitation because she so desperately longed for a friend, someone to share her deepest thoughts with. But she knew what would happen if she disobeyed Alexander and he was to find out. He warned her repeatedly that people would interfere in their lives if she involved herself in any womanly friendships, or "cat sessions," as he referred to them. Of course, it did not matter that he had several family members and co-workers in whom he confided. But, as he pointed out, he was a man and that was the difference.  
  
"How about tomorrow morning then? A few of us get together to swap recipes and just have some plain old-fashioned girl talk. It's about time that we got to know you," Amy said.  
  
"I don't know, Mrs. Madison."  
  
"Amy."  
  
"Okay, Amy. I'll get back to you later." She offered a weak smile.  
  
"Good enough."  
  
Irene wondered how she could keep Amy Madison at a distance. If the woman sensed Irene was evading her, she didn't let on. She wanted more than anything to be included in Amy's friendly circle, but even more than that, she feared Alexander's retribution if she opposed his authority. 


	2. chapter 2

Irene sat at the kitchen table, intently writing in a notebook. The table was strewn with scraps of paper, pens, and envelopes.  
  
"The famous author is at it again," Alexander mocked as he leaned against the refrigerator.  
  
She smiled. "It's in my blood, honey. Maybe someday I'll be published. In fact, I know I will be."  
  
"All I can see is a waste of my hard-earned money, Irene." He pulled up a chair and sat down across from her. "So what do you write about, anyway?"  
  
Irene set her pen down. "You've never seemed interested before," she said, surprised at what appeared to be his general interest in her activities.  
  
"I didn't say I was interested. Just curious."  
  
She looked at her husband. He was so handsome. She wanted so much to be able to truly share with him. He was handsome even now, wearing an old, paint stained shirt and faded jeans. His feet were bare. "I can't explain it too well. Mostly I write about my feelings. Sometimes my feelings pour out on paper and release all of the frustration of life. The difference is that I can control my characters and they can have the most wonderful lives and all of their dreams fulfilled."  
  
His eyes narrowed. "Are you saying that your life isn't satisfying to you?"  
  
She noticed the disapproval in his eyes as he swept over her makeup- less face and uncombed hair. Self-consciously she swept a strand of hair from her brow as she pondered his question. "No, I don't mean to imply that at all. It's just that everyone always wishes certain aspects of their life was different." She looked into his hard granite-like eyes but could read nothing in them. She continued, "In my writing I can fulfill all of my dreams through my characters' actions and emotions."  
  
Alexander stared at her. "It doesn't make any sense to me, just a waste of my money and your time, which you could be spending fixing up this dump!"  
  
Irene glanced around the room. "The house is clean, Alexander. I can't help the fact that this apartment is too small for five people. It's cluttered, but not dirty." she noted. Her hazel eyes grew bright suddenly. "If I could just get one book into the right hands, I could be on my way. I could help to support us. With your income, the child support for the girls, and money from the book, we could buy a house and be able to afford a few luxuries."  
  
He laughed. "You live in a dream world."  
  
"No, you don't understand, honey. I know I can write. It's in my blood. I just wish I could explain it to you. It's not a waste of time or money. Every writer has been rejected or disappointed at some point, but they never gave up. I need you to support me in this. I know that someday it's going to happen for me. I can feel it, Alexander. I have the ability to create any situation I want," she said enthusiastically.  
  
He smirked. "You're right about one thing. You do have the ability to create situations. Maybe if you spent more time thinking about your family's needs and less time on some stupid dream of becoming a writer, which I personally believe will never happen because your no good at it, things would be better between us," he said sarcastically as he looked at her. "Why don't you put something decent on instead of running around like a slob?" He stood up. "One more thing: when you finally show me some money, maybe I'll take this foolishness seriously."  
  
Tears stung her eyes. "Everyone has to have a dream. If we didn't have our dreams, life would be pretty dull and gray."  
  
"Reality, Irene, you have to face reality. You will never be a famous author. And if you believe in the Lord, as you claim, you should not be seeking after worldly pleasures."  
  
"That's what you don't understand. The Lord gave me this ability, Alexander. We should use our talents to the best of our ability. I have this passion to write and it came from the Lord," she explained.  
  
"The Lord also commands that I am the head of the household and you are to be in complete submission to me," he stated firmly.  
  
"Sometimes you twist the meaning of things. The Lord gave me my own mind and free will. I don't see what harm my writing is doing. Besides, I don't have the desire to be rich and famous. Writing is something of my own. There is nothing wrong with me wanting to be a writer. Nothing."  
  
Alexander laughed as he shook his head. "You are such a fool. You're doing a terrible injustice to the Lord with your crazy dream."  
  
"No, I'm not! I don't see where you're so perfect, Alexander!" She knew she should have kept her silence, but like a mother protecting her young, she was protecting the only part of herself she had left. "What do you think you are showing the Lord?" she shouted, immediately sorry for her last remark as she awaited his reaction.  
  
He slowly picked up a handful of her papers and shuffled through them, then began to read to himself for a few minutes.  
  
Irene watched him but could not tell what he was thinking. His face showed no emotion one way or the other.  
  
Suddenly he raised his eyes and stared contemptuously at her as he tore the sheets in half, then tore them again and deposited them in the wastepaper basket.  
  
Irene watched in horror. "What are you doing?" she cried.  
  
"Putting this garbage where it belongs," he angrily answered as he reached for another stack of papers.  
  
She grabbed his wrist. "Don't!" she screamed.  
  
His hand froze in midair as he glared at her. "Don't you ever grab my wrist out question my authority again!" His words were slow but ominous.  
  
She released him, wishing she had kept silent. Her insides began to quiver as she waited for her punishment like some ill-mannered child.  
  
He slowly stood up and walked around the table. He stopped behind her chair.  
  
Irene's heart thudded against her chest. She was scared to turn around. She sat still as though she were glued to the chair.  
  
Suddenly he grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled on it, bringing her to her feet. He spun her around until she was facing him. "Do you want to be treated like a whore?" he demanded. "Like the women you write about?"  
  
He held her so close that she could feel his warm breath on her face. "I don't write about women like that," she answered in a small voice.  
  
"Why do you write such trash?"  
  
"It's not trash. If you read the whole thing, you would see that it is nothing more than a love story. There is no sex in the book."  
  
"Sure," he sneered as he looked intensely at her. "Where are the kids?" he asked suddenly.  
  
"They should be home pretty soon. You know how teenagers are." She looked at him, wondering what to expect.  
  
"You baby the girls too much, Irene, and I'm sick and tired of it."  
  
She didn't know which way his emotions would move him. She had been through this so many times before that she was always taken by surprise, even though she tried to be on guard with him. "I don't baby them, Alexander. I only want the best for them, Stephan, too. Why don't you sit down and talk to the girls and really get to know them? They are a lot of fun if you give them a chance."  
  
He glared at her. "You will always take their side against me. It never fails. To be perfectly honest, they get on my nerves, especially Serena and that music of hers. Thump, thump, thump, that's all I ever hear. That stereo is going in the trash! That crap she listens to is warping her mind!"  
  
Anger flashed in Irene's eyes. "That stereo was a gift from her grandmother. It's going to stay in her room. Besides, there is nothing wrong with music."  
  
"What did you say?" he asked as his eyes bored into hers. "Did I just hear you question my authority?" His voice grew louder. "Have you forgotten who is the head of this family?"  
  
Irene's bottom lip trembled.  
  
"Answer me!"  
  
Before she could utter a sound, he shoved her hard. "You are pushing me to the limit, lady! I will not tolerate any more of your disrespect for my authority!" He slapped her hard across the mouth with the back of his hand.  
  
Blood spurted from her lip. His eyes were wild as he came at her with raised fists. "No!" she screamed. "I'm sorry! I won't question your authority again," she pleaded.  
  
"You should have thought of that before you opened your mouth!" He shoved her against the wall, pinning her with one muscular arm as his fist came crashing down on her chin. "Is this the way you like to be treated, whore? Like the women you write about?"  
  
She fell to the floor in a heap. The pain she felt was worse than any thing she had ever felt before. All sense of being drained from her.  
  
Alexander was instantly at her side. He bent down to look at her, and then knelt down to where she lay. He picked her head up carefully and laid it in his lap and began to stroke her hair. "Baby, what's wrong with you? Don't you know how much I love you?" Tears slid down his cheeks. "I would never hurt you. I'm only trying to protect you from yourself."  
  
Lita walked into the kitchen. "What's going on?" she asked as she flipped her auburn hair over her shoulder. "Why are you guys on the floor?" she asked with a laugh in her voice as she walked closer. "Mom?" She stood above her mother now and stared down at her. "Mom, what happened?" she asked as she looked in horror at her mother's bruised face.  
  
"I'm okay, honey. I just had a little accident," Irene whispered through clenched teeth.  
  
"This isn't a little accident, Mom." She glared at her stepfather. "You hit her again, didn't you?"  
  
"I have never hit your mother!" Alexander's face flushed angrily. "I resent your accusation!"  
  
Lita's eyes filled with tears. "How can you lie about it? You mistreat her and then lie about it!" She faced her mother. "Why don't we leave, Mom?"  
  
"Honey, I'll be fine," she whispered as she took her daughter's delicate hand and slowly rose to her feet. She gave her a long hug. "Why don't you take a hot shower and get to bed early? You look tired."  
  
"Mom, your face! He hit you, admit it!" she cried. "I'm going to call the police!"  
  
"Don't you ever threaten me!" Alexander quickly grabbed her arm.  
  
"Don't touch me!" Lita's eyes flashed angrily. "You are sick!" She stomped out of the room.  
  
Alexander turned to Irene. "You should feel so proud to have brought two losers like your daughters into this world! They are a mockery to God!"  
  
"Alexander, they are my children and I love them very much. I'm sorry that you're jealous of them. But I will not have them living this way." Tears streamed down her face. "I love you, Alexander, but you are not a good father."  
  
"What do you mean by that?" he demanded.  
  
"Look what you've done to your son. The way you've raised him, I fear for his future relationships with women."  
  
"Don't you dare say a word about Stephan! He's a good boy," he stated. "You've always been jealous of him!"  
  
"It's useless to talk to you. Everything is so one-sided with you and it always will be!" She put her hand to her chin. "Why, Alexander? Why do you hurt me? Do you think God justifies what you are doing? I can't live this way anymore."  
  
"Your mouth is going to get you into serious trouble some day. I give you a good life and this is what I get in return." He shook his head. "I don't know what you expect from a husband. Get yourself into the bathroom before Serena gets home and accuses me of beating you."  
  
She looked in disbelief at him as she laid a hand on his arm. "Alexander, they see what you're doing. They see my bruises. How can you deny it? I want to help you." Her lips trembled. "You can get help."  
  
"Don't touch me!" His voice was icy. "You don't know my needs," he sneered. "And even if you did, you wouldn't be capable of fulfilling them."  
  
"I'm your wife! I don't deserve this treatment!" She shook her head in exasperation. "I know I've asked you this before, but did something happen in your childhood that you can't deal with?"  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Don't blame my mother again. Just because you don't like her, don't expect me to ignore her. She's a good woman."  
  
"I didn't say anything about your mother. I'm just trying to understand you."  
  
"Just leave me alone! You push me too far, Irene. I don't know why I ever married you. That's one time I wish I would have listened to my mother."  
  
Irene shook her head again. "Honey," she said softly, "what did that woman do to you? Why are you afraid to stand up to her? She has lied to you and treated you like dirt so many times and I have to suffer the consequences. I'm sick of it, Alexander. And I am sick of the way you treat my girls."  
  
"I've treated you better than anyone you've ever known," he insisted.  
  
"No, you haven't! You've always emotionally and verbally abused me, and then when you found out that you were illegitimate, you started physically abusing me. What is the connection?"  
  
"Don't you ever talk about my mother!" he shouted. His facial muscles twitched as though he had no control over them. Suddenly he grabbed her arm, causing it to twist as though he were trying to steady himself, but after a few seconds, Irene realized that his tight grip on her bare flesh was meant to cause her pain.  
  
"Let go, Alexander!" she screamed. "You're going to break my arm!" She squeezed her eyes shut as pain seared through her shoulder.  
  
"I want you to feel the same pain you've caused me to feel," he said as he shoved her until her back was wedged against the counter.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about. Please let me go," she pleaded. If he pushed any harder, her arm was going to snap.  
  
"I warned you, but you never listen," he whispered menacingly. "No one ever listens to me. Maybe now you'll realize who's the boss around here. I know what's good for you."  
  
  
  
Irene looked into his eyes. They were vacant and lost. "Please, honey," she again pleaded, "I know that you really don't want to hurt me." She held her breath as he tugged her arm more forcefully. Tears squeezed out of her tightly closed eyes. "No!" she screamed in pain as a sickening blackness almost overtook her. "Lita!"  
  
  
  
"Can't you hear the shower, Irene? She can't hear you. And Serena's probably got that evil music blaring again. No one can hear you," he whispered in her ear.  
  
  
  
"The neighbors."  
  
  
  
"The neighbors don't care about you. They don't hear me yelling. They probably wish I would shut you the hell up."  
  
  
  
"Please, Alexander," she cried.  
  
  
  
He ignored her. "You have so much evil in you, Irene." His voice was firm. "It is my Godly duty as your husband to release this evil from within you."  
  
  
  
"Alexander, I am not evil. I'm a good person."  
  
  
  
"No." He looked into her eyes. "You can't see the evil within you. I can see it, though."  
  
  
  
"You are the one who's evil," she said in a raspy voice. "The things you do to me are from a sick mind. You have no right to hurt me."  
  
  
  
His eyes narrowed. "How dare you accuse me of abuse?" He tightened his grip and twisted her arm with all the strength he possessed.  
  
  
  
She screamed as her bone separated from her shoulder. 


	3. chapter 3

"Alexander," Irene whispered.  
  
"You'll be all right. Just get up."  
  
"Alexander!" Tears rolled down her cheeks. "You've got to help me!"  
  
Serena burst into the room with Stephan at her heels. "Mom!" she screamed as she rushed to her mother's side, kneeling down beside her. "What happened?"  
  
"She tripped over something on the floor," Alexander said.  
  
Stephan laughed. "You'd better watch where you're going, Irene." He turned to his father. "Dad, I've got a game on Sunday--two o'clock at Takeuchi Field." His eyes flashed excitedly. "The coach said I'm the most improved player of the week!"  
  
Alexander heartily slapped his son on the back. "I knew you could do it, Stephan We'll go out later and I'll toss you a few."  
  
Serena 's eyes widened. "I can't believe you two. How can you stand there talking about baseball when Mom is lying on the floor in pain? I'm calling an ambulance."  
  
"No. Your mother is fine." He looked at his wife. "Tell her, Irene," he said with a noticeable warning in his voice.  
  
Irene glared at him. "No, I'm not. I think my arm is broken." Her voice broke into sobs.  
  
"Oh, Mom!" Serena cried.  
  
"She'll be all right," Alexander said again. "I'll put her to bed and she'll be fine in the morning."  
  
"No!" Irene screamed. "I need to get to a hospital!"  
  
Lita ran into the room. "What's all the yelling about? Another fight?"  
  
"Alexander broke Mom's arm," Serena stated as she glared at her stepfather with hate filled eyes.  
  
"Oh, right," Stephan laughed sarcastically. "My Dad never touched your mom."  
  
"And just what are you going to tell them at the hospital?" Alexander asked looking intently at her. "How will you explain all of your bruises?"  
  
"I don't know, Alexander!" she shrieked. "I'm in too much pain to think! Just help me!"  
  
"Tell them the truth, Mom--that Alexander did it," Lita said.  
  
"My Dad never touched Irene, you liar!" Stephan yelled.  
  
"You know that he beats Mom and us all the time. You're the liar. You're just afraid of your own shadow, wimp!" Lita yelled back.  
  
"Don't you ever call my son a liar!" Alexander's voice boomed as he grabbed Lita and slammed her against the wall.  
  
"Get your hands off my sister!" Serena cried. She pulled on Alexander's arm.  
  
"I have been good to you two. You are nothing but ingrates. My son has sacrificed so much for you two!"  
  
"No, he hasn't!" Serena yelled. "He has always had everything handed to him. There's always enough money to get him what he wants while Lita and I have to do without!"  
  
Alexander raised his fist.  
  
"Don't you dare, Alexander!" Irene screamed. "So help me, as God is my witness, I'll have you locked up for the rest of your life!"  
  
He lowered his fist as he released Lita, then turned to face his wife. "Don't you ever threaten me!" He walked over to her and bent down until he was eye level with her.  
  
Perspiration trickled down Irene's face. "Please get me some help now, Alexander." She didn't know how she could stand the pain much longer.  
  
He grinned at her. "You need help for your mental problems. I should have you committed, Irene. You're always imagining things," he taunted.  
  
"Whatever you say, Alexander." She sucked in her breath as she turned her face away from his sickening grin.  
  
"Help her, Alexander!" Serena screamed.  
  
"Okay. I'll drive her to the hospital. Now get off my back!" He looked threateningly at Irene. "You'd better be careful what you tell them at the hospital," he warned.  
  
Twenty minutes later Irene sat on a chair in a little cubicle in the emergency room.  
  
"They've got a head-on collision with multiple injuries," Alexander said as he entered the cubicle. "It's going to be quite a long wait."  
  
Irene eyed herself in her compact mirror. The harsh, bright light glared down on her. She patted powder on her swollen and bruised face. She knew that she had once been not so bad looking. She was never what you would call a beauty, but she had always been considered cute. But her looks were now hidden behind this mask of hideous contusions.  
  
"You know what to say." Alexander stared at her.  
  
Irene looked up. "Yes, Alexander," she answered tiredly. She tried to shift to a more comfortable position, but with every movement she made, she winced in pain. She had to take her mind off of her present agony or she would never bear it for however long she had to wait. She knew that her life was a lie. Her whole life had been a lie. She wondered why happiness always seemed to elude her--or worse yet, why she chose men who promised to love her forever, but in the end only hurt her. She thought back to Ben Johnson, her first husband--the father of her children. That seemed like a lifetime ago now.  
  
* * * She sat quietly watching a volleyball game. She didn't notice the tall stranger approaching until he was beside her.  
  
"Mind if I sit down?" he asked.  
  
She gave him a sideways glance. "No." She couldn't tell by his accent where he was from, but she didn't have the desire to find out either.  
  
"Why aren't you out there with them?" he asked.  
  
She turned her head slightly and couldn't help but notice how physically attractive he was. "I'm not in the mood," she curtly answered, wishing he would go away and leave her alone, at the same time hoping he would stay.  
  
He sat down next to her. "I'm not much of a volleyball player myself," he said as he picked at the grass. "So, who are you here with?"  
  
"My sister." She pointed to an attractive, sunburned blonde in the first row.  
  
"Oh, Cheryl. I'm her boss."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Do you have a first name?" he asked.  
  
"Irene."  
  
"Irene Thorpe. Glad to meet you. I'm..."  
  
"I already know. Gene Johnson." Her voice held no emotion.  
  
"What's your problem anyway?" His tone was a little less friendly than it had been.  
  
"I don't have a problem."  
  
"You could have fooled me."  
  
She sighed. "See that guy over there?"  
  
Gene followed the direction of her extended finger. "You mean the guy in the black trunks who's falling all over the redhead?"  
  
"That's him."  
  
"So?"  
  
She smiled. "He's supposed to be with me."  
  
He saw the pain in her eyes and heard the hurt in her voice. "So why do you put up with it?"  
  
"There isn't exactly an overabundance of men around this town."  
  
He laughed. "By the looks of you, you should have no trouble finding a decent guy."  
  
She laughed, too. "Maybe I don't look in the right places."  
  
That was the beginning of what she thought was going to be the happiest time of her life. Gene Johnson literally swept her off her feet. After a whirlwind courtship, they moved to Connecticut, bought a house and settled into a happy routine as newlyweds.  
  
Gene treated her like a queen and there was nothing she wouldn't do for him. As CEO of a large company, he was often away on long business trips for weeks at a time. She kept busy taking care of the house, planting a large vegetable garden, and writing. She had felt odd telling Gene about her writing ambition. She thought he would laugh it off as everyone else had, but instead, he was impressed and had encouraged her. By the age of twenty-one; she had her life mapped out.  
  
But in one short minute, her world fell apart. She was six months pregnant with Serena when while cleaning Gene's desk one day she came across a letter from a woman named Lori Johnson. The letter was intimate and she knew she shouldn't have read it. Gene had warned her not to ever go near his desk, but it was such a mess that she wanted to surprise him. She never expected that she would be the one to be surprised. Her hand trembled as she held the letter. Her chest tightened and her head grew light. She sat down at the kitchen table, still holding the letter in her hand as the hot tears rolled down her cheeks. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, but her tears pounded against her lids. Like a burst dam, the tears trickled out of her eyes. She popped her eyes open and they once again poured down her cheeks, sweeping away her perfect life and washing away all of her dreams.  
  
That was how Gene found her when he returned home that evening. "What's wrong, honey?" he anxiously asked as he looked at her red swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Is it the baby?"  
  
She thrust the letter at him. "What's this? Oh, God!" His face grew white. "It's not what you think--let me explain." He laid his hand on her shoulder.  
  
She shrugged him off. "I think the letter is self-explanatory," she said quietly.  
  
He watched as she removed her wedding ring and laid it on the table. Tears glistened in her eyes.  
  
"Irene. . .honey, let's talk about it."  
  
"We're not married, Gene. These past two years have been a lie. And what's worse, you're a bigamist."  
  
"No, you don't understand. Al wasn't a real justice of the peace."  
  
Irene felt as though an arrow had just pierced her heart. "I don't believe it! You were married to someone else, then had a phony marriage to me." She looked incredulously at him.  
  
"Honey, I didn't want to lose you." His eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Get off it, Gene. You were cheating on your wife!" She looked down at her stomach and gently patted it. "You know the funny part?" she asked as she looked into his eyes. "I really thought you were different--someone I could believe in who wouldn't lie to me. But you're no different."  
  
"Listen to me for just a minute," he pleaded. "Lori and I were finished before I ever met you. We just hadn't legalized it. I never intended to get married again." He lamely added the last part.  
  
"Then why weren't you honest with me?" She stared at him. "You know how I cannot stand being lied to. How can I ever trust you again?"  
  
He grabbed her hand. "Honey, please listen. I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. If you knew I was married, you never would have gone out with me."  
  
"You're right about that."  
  
"So what choice did I have? It wasn't like Lori and I were living together or sharing the same bed."  
  
"What about the baby? Gene, what if something would have happened to you? Were you just going to let us have a phony marriage forever?" She asked the questions one after the other without giving him a chance to answer.  
  
"I love you, Irene, and I love our baby you're carrying." He affectionately patted her stomach. "I can't say I'm sorry enough. But you have to believe how much I love you. I'll call a lawyer and get a divorce and then we can be married legally. No one has to know." His eyes pleaded with her.  
  
"I see no other way," she quietly answered. "Do you think the divorce will take long?"  
  
"It shouldn't." His eyes brightened.  
  
"I want things to be right before the baby is born. I want our child to be born to us as husband and wife."  
  
"I promise."  
  
But it was a promise Gene could not keep, even though he did everything in his power not to break his word to her. Serena Lynn Johnson came into the world four months before they could legally be married.  
  
Irene busied herself in her new role as mother and rarely thought about Gene's deception. Soon they settled into a cozy routine and were once again the perfect couple.  
  
A little more than two years later, they were once again blessed with a child. Lita Jane Johnson arrived early, barely giving them time to prepare for her entrance. But they welcomed her with the same love as they had Serena.  
  
During Irene's pregnancy with Lita, she hadn't been aware of Gene's withdrawal from her. It happened so subtly that she couldn't even remember when it had begun. Her days and nights had been filled with taking care of Serena, a very active toddler. By the time she fell into bed at night, Ben was usually fast asleep or he was at work until the wee hours of the morning. Because it had been months since she had been able to have sex, Gene's lack of affection had gone unnoticed until she had her six-week checkup. She remembered that night so well.  
  
It was a Friday night, so she knew Gene wouldn't have to go into work the next morning unless he wanted to. And she knew he wouldn't want to after the night she had planned for him. Lita slept through the night now and she knew that by giving Serena an early nap, she would be sound asleep by 8:00.  
  
  
  
She prepared an intimate dinner for two in front of the fireplace and set candles on the hearth as well as the table. She showered, and then slipped into a form-hugging black dress that had always been a favorite of Gene's. It clung to her in all the right places. There was no way Gene would be able to hold back all of the pent-up sexual frustration he must have been feeling these past few months. She had worked hard exercising to get herself back to her pre-childbirth days, and her hard work had paid off, as she looked at her sleek, slender form in the full-length closet mirror. In fact, she felt better than she ever had in her entire life. She was firm and well toned.  
  
Gene had called and told her that he would be late, and almost ruined her surprise when he told her he would grab a bite to eat downtown. She assured him that she wouldn't mind having a late dinner with him. He arrived home about 9:00.  
  
She met him at the door and before he had a chance to utter a word, led him silently into the living room. He smiled sheepishly at the table, and then held her away from him for a moment as his eyes rested on her.  
  
"Do you like what you see?" she asked expectantly.  
  
He smiled. "I love what I see."  
  
It wasn't until dinner was over and she had led him to the bedroom that she discovered the reason for his reluctance.  
  
She lay seductively on the bed, enticing him with her eyes. When she got no response, she knew that something was deeply troubling him. "What's wrong, Gene?" she finally asked.  
  
He stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned toward the window. "I know you wanted tonight to be special, Irene." His voice was tinged with guilt and sadness.  
  
"Please, Gene," her voice shook. "Just tell me what is going on with you." She tried to steady her voice.  
  
He sighed deeply, and then turned to face her. She could see the tears in his eyes and feel the turmoil in his voice. "I want out." He said it in a low voice, barely audible above her thundering heartbeat.  
  
Her ears pounded with every beat of her heart. She must have misunderstood him. They had everything going for them. All of their hopes and dreams were now coming true. She was sure that she had misunderstood him. He meant something else, not the demise of their life together. "I don't understand," she numbly said.  
  
He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, then gently took her hand in his. "I never wanted to hurt you or the kids. You're a great wife and mother."  
  
"But?" she asked as her eyes filled with tears.  
  
"I don't want to hurt you, Irene. That was never my intention." His voice pleaded for her understanding.  
  
She gulped hard, seeking composure. "Is there someone else?" She stared into his eyes but in her heart already knew the answer.  
  
"I don't even know how it happened." A tear slid from his eye.  
  
She had never seen him cry before. "Are you asking me for a divorce Gene?"  
  
He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as though his answer was too painful to allow him to look into her eyes. "Yes," he choked.  
  
A tremor began in Irene's heart and slowly spread throughout her body. She had so many questions that needed to be answered but could not get her brain to send the message to her lips.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Irene." He dropped her hand. "I'll be moving my things out in a few days. But for now I'll stay in the guest room."  
  
Numb, she nodded.  
  
"Sorry for the delay."  
  
Irene returned to the present. She blinked her eyes as though she had just awoken from a deep sleep.  
  
* * * Alexander stood up. "My wife fell in our apartment and banged herself up pretty badly. I think that her arm may be broken."  
  
The doctor looked at Irene. "Hello. I'm Dr. Fellows. I'm on duty tonight, but if you would prefer your own physician, I'm sure that we can get him down here."  
  
"We don't have a family doctor," Alexander said.  
  
Dr. Fellows turned to Alexander. "I would prefer it if you would wait in the lounge while I examine your wife."  
  
Alexander shifted uneasily, and then gave Irene a warning look. "All right."  
  
Dr. Fellows turned his attention back to Irene after Alexander's departure. He frowned. "Why don't you tell me what really happened?" he asked softly.  
  
Irene was surprised at his abrupt change of character. "It's just like my husband said. I slipped on the kitchen floor and smashed my face into a cabinet."  
  
The doctor sighed as he continued to stare at her. He checked her vital statistics, then gently moved her arm. She screamed.  
  
"It's definitely broken," he said. "But I'm more concerned about what's broken on the inside."  
  
He didn't believe her, and she wished she could tell him the truth. But Alexander's wrath would be worse than she could ever imagine if she told what he had done to her. She offered the doctor a weak smile. "I'm just accident prone."  
  
"Uh-huh," he answered. He gently touched the bruises on her face. "You have new contusions over old ones."  
  
Irene's face reddened, but she didn't answer him even though he seemed to expect an answer.  
  
"We'll set your arm, and then I'm going to have someone talk to you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I see too much of this battering in here every night. Maybe I can help one woman get out of the cycle."  
  
Irene looked into his soft gray eyes and could feel his concern for her. She thought how lucky his wife must be.  
  
"I'll be okay. I'm just clumsy."  
  
"Uh-huh. I just hope I'm not on duty when your next visit here is to the morgue." 


	4. chapter 4

"Hi, Irene . . . may I call you Irene?" the friendly voice questioned as she held out a hand in greeting.  
  
Irene nodded, looking quizzically at the pretty older woman.  
  
"My name is Matilda, and I am a volunteer at the Domestic Violence Center."  
  
"There must be a mistake," Irene muttered. "My husband and I don't have any problems."  
  
"I see," the woman answered as her eyes gave Irene the once-over. "You know that no one has the right to hurt you." Her voice was soft and motherly. "I was in your situation many years ago, Irene. That was before we had somewhere to go for help. In my generation a woman was supposed to take her husband's abuse. We had no options back then. But some of us went against the norm and filed for divorce. You have a choice today...a choice that I wish I would have had."  
  
Irene averted her eyes from Matilda's. They seemed to look right into her very soul, right to all the hidden places no one could ever know about. "Alexander has never hurt me." She glanced at her arm, now encased in a cast. "I'm clumsy, that's all."  
  
Matilda sighed. "Okay, I don't want to press you."  
  
Irene wondered if Matilda could sense the fear within her. If she had once been in Irene's shoes, then she must certainly know that Alexander would deny any wrong doing and her life would become even more unbearable than it was now.  
  
Matilda pulled a card from her pocket. "If you ever need to talk to someone, Jerry Feldon is a great guy. He's helped me through many rough times. And you can always call me." She smiled.  
  
Irene reluctantly took the card. "Thank you, but I really don't think I'll be needing it."  
  
Matilda patted her shoulder. "Just in case," she said softly. "Just in case."  
  
Alexander was waiting for her.  
  
"Who was that woman?" he asked.  
  
Irene slipped the card and the prescription the doctor had given her for pain killers into her pocket. "Just someone the doctor sent to talk to me."  
  
Alexander's eyes narrowed as they bore into hers. "What did you tell her?"  
  
"Nothing. I told her that we have no problems and I am very accident prone."  
  
"Good. . .good. Let's get out of here." He gently took her elbow and led her to the exit. "By the way, what was that you stuffed into your pocket?"  
  
"A prescription for pain killers," she answered.  
  
"Okay. We'll pick it up on the way home."  
  
  
  
Alexander gently unbuttoned her blouse, and then helped her out of it. "The kids sure got a kick out of decorating the cast."  
  
"Yeah, they sure put some strange things on here. Especially Serena with her artistic flare." She sat on the edge of the bed so Alexander could pull her pants off. She thought about how gentle and loving he had been all the way home. He had even been warm and kind to the girls. But would his good mood last? Could it last? She frowned. His frequent mood swings frightened her.  
  
"Climb into bed, honey. I've got a couple of pillows to prop your arm on."  
  
Irene bit her bottom lip as her arm began to throb. She was so tired, but she knew that sleep would never come unless she took something to deaden the pain. As opposed as she was to mind-altering drugs, she knew that she had to take one. The pain was too intense. "Honey, could you get me a pain pill, please?"  
  
"Sure, babe. I'm going to take good care of you." He brought her a glass of water and a pill, then slipped off his clothes and climbed into bed beside her.  
  
"Alexander, can we talk?" Her voice was low.  
  
"Sure, what's on your mind?" He tenderly ran his fingertips across her cheek.  
  
Irene took a deep breath. "Alexander, are you sorry that you married me?"  
  
"Oh no, how could you ever think that?" He turned and looked down at her, staring into her eyes. "I loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you. I knew I had to have you for my life partner." He gently brushed his lips against hers. "I couldn't imagine life without you. I love you so much."  
  
Irene blinked back the tears threatening to fall. "Then why, Alexander, if you love me so much, do you always hurt me?"  
  
"Oh, honey, I could never hurt you. And I would never let anyone else ever hurt you," he said tenderly.  
  
Irene couldn't believe his words. How could he deny what he had done? She wondered if he really didn't know what he was doing. He was as different as day and night. When he was bad, he was violent, but when he was good, he was the sweetest man alive. If only he could reach a middle ground. His levels were either high or low; he was never on an even plateau.  
  
She touched her cast. How could Alexander not know what he had done to her only a few hours earlier? He had to know. There was no possible way he could deny his physical abuse. He couldn't beat her one moment, and then be so tender and loving the next. It didn't make any sense.  
  
"What are you thinking about, honey?" he softly asked as he sifted her hair through his fingers.  
  
"Alexander, I love you so much," she whispered.  
  
"I love you too, Irene." He looked into her eyes. "What's bothering you?"  
  
"We need to get our lives on track. This lifestyle is not healthy for the kids."  
  
"The kids are fine. They know that parents have arguments. No one gets along all of the time. A little friction now and then is good for them. They can't go into the world expecting perfection."  
  
"There's a difference, Alexander. What they see you do to me is not healthy. I don't want the girls to think anyone has the right to abuse them. And I certainly don't want Stephan to think that he has the right to abuse anyone." She gazed at her husband. She could see his facial muscles begin to twitch. She didn't know what to expect next. He was obviously struggling to keep himself under control.  
  
He kissed her forehead. "Look, it's been a long day. Let's get some sleep." His voice was still soft.  
  
"Alexander?"  
  
He sighed tiredly. "What, Irene?"  
  
"Would you consider counseling?"  
  
He was silent for a moment before answering. "If it would make you happy. But I personally think it's a waste of time and money. No one really benefits from it. The past gets dragged up and then it only makes the situation worse. It's better to let sleeping dogs lie."  
  
"But would you go with me, Alexander?" she persisted.  
  
He leaned on one elbow and gazed down at her. "Yes, Irene. If it will make you happy, I'll go."  
  
"Thank you. It's a start, honey. A positive start."  
  
  
  
"Lita . . . Lita Johnson!"  
  
Lita jumped. "Sorry, Miss Cole, I didn't hear the question."  
  
The class burst into laughter as Lita's face reddened. She had no idea what Miss Cole had asked her. Her mind had drifted far away. Away to a place that was happy and secure, far away from her home.  
  
Heather Miller poked her in the back. "Way to go, Lita," she snickered. "It's about time you got knocked off of your goody-two-shoes pedestal."  
  
"I asked you if you finished your math assignment last night. Please come to the board and write down the equation," the teacher said sharply. "We have a lot of work to cover."  
  
Lita quickly shuffled through her folder. "Yeah, it's here somewhere." She continued searching for the missing assignment.  
  
"You don't have it, do you, Lita?" Miss Cole asked.  
  
"Yeah, I think I do. I thought I did it." She tossed her head. "I know it's here somewhere." She flipped through her math book.  
  
"Lita, I do not have time for these games. Either you have your assignment or you don't. Which is it?"  
  
"Give me a break," Lita muttered.  
  
"You know the rules. No homework, then detention until the assignment is completed. I'll see you after school."  
  
"I can't, Miss Cole," she pleaded.  
  
Heather snickered. "Join the crowd, Lita."  
  
Lita turned around in her seat facing Heather. "Just shut up, Heather!"  
  
The class broke into an uproar as Lita turned back around, red-faced and embarrassed.  
  
"That's enough!" Miss Cole shouted. "Lita Johnson, go to the principal's office immediately!"  
  
"But Miss Cole!" Lita pleaded.  
  
"Now!" the teacher ordered as Heather snickered.  
  
"Heather Miller, if you'd like to join her, you may, otherwise keep your mouth closed."  
  
Heather bit her bottom lip to suppress her laughter. "Yes, Miss Cole."  
  
Lita grabbed her books. "I think you're being unfair, Miss Cole."  
  
"We'll discuss it later, Lita. But not on my class time!"  
  
  
  
"I got you a cola, Serena," Darien Ross said as he set the drink on Serena 's tray.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Want to see a movie tonight?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know," she sighed. "I'd like to, but I don't know if I should leave my mom right now."  
  
Darien touched her shoulder. "What's wrong with your mom? Is she sick?"  
  
Serena stared down at her uneaten lunch. "No."  
  
"Did your step-Dad do something again?" he persisted.  
  
She looked into her boyfriend's caring eyes. "Yes, he broke her arm last night."  
  
Darien protectively put an arm around her shoulder. "He didn't do anything to you, did he?"  
  
"No. I think he would have hit me if my mom hadn't stopped him." Tears filled her eyes. "Darien, I can't take it anymore. We don't live in a home. We live in a war-zone. It keeps getting worse. I don't know how much more I can take."  
  
He rubbed her shoulder. "He'd better not lay a hand on you. I mean it. I just wish there was something I could do."  
  
"You're so sweet." Serena kissed his cheek. "I don't know what I'd do without you." She looked at his handsome face. "I still don't know why you even put up with me when you could have any girl in this school."  
  
"I don't want any other girl. I only want you." He squeezed her shoulder. "I wish you would believe me when I tell you how special you are to me." He cupped her face with his clumsy, boyish hands. "How about if I come over after baseball practice, and if you don't feel like going to a movie, we can watch some TV at your place." He kissed the tip of her nose.  
  
She smiled. "Okay, boss. But I can't promise what the home front will be like."  
  
"I'll take my chances. Just so I get to spend time with you."  
  
The bell rang, sending everyone scurrying to empty lunch trays and gather books for the next class.  
  
"I have to get to math," Serena said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"I'll take your tray. I've got gym. Get going, and I'll see you after school."  
  
  
  
Lita caught Serena 's arm as Serena closed her locker.  
  
"What's up?" Serena asked as she grabbed a stack of books.  
  
"I got in trouble in math class and Cole sent me to the principal and I got a week's detention." She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know how to tell Mom."  
  
"Yeah, she certainly doesn't need this after everything she's been through." She shot a sharp look at her younger sister.  
  
"What do you want from me, Serena --blood? It was just one of those things. I couldn't help it."  
  
"Well, maybe you should try growing up! I suppose Heather was involved."  
  
"Why do you always pick on her? I don't do that to your friends."  
  
"Because Heather is a bad influence on you. Face it Lita, Heather is a loser. She's such an airhead that if anyone pricked her head she'd go floating off into never land. She couldn't care less about anything except having a good time."  
  
"Serena, get off my case! Your head is always in the clouds over Darien the Geek. You don't live in the real world. Face reality! Our life stinks! Ever since Mom married Alexander we've gone downhill. We certainly aren't the Brady Bunch!"  
  
"Okay, calm down. I'll handle Mom, but don't you ever call Darien a Geek again. You don't even know him. If you did, you would see what a great guy he is. He's definitely not like that loser Mike Williams you were gawking after. The Acne King."  
  
"Come on, Mike wasn't that bad. He just has problems."  
  
"Whatever. Look, I've got to get to class. Try to stay out of trouble."  
  
"Thanks for covering with Mom for me. I owe you one, Sis. Gotta go. I can't afford to be late for history." 


	5. chapter 5

Irene slowly opened the door. She quickly composed herself as she greeted her neighbor. "Hello, Amy."  
  
"Good morning, Irene. I was just on my way outside and I thought I'd stop to see if you'd like to visit with me for a while."  
  
"I'd love to, but I'm not feeling well today." She nodded to her arm. "I broke my arm last night."  
  
"Oh, dear, do you need any help? Is there anything I can do for you?"  
  
Irene shook her head. "I'll be fine, thanks."  
  
"How did it happen?" Amy asked as her eyes swept past Irene and took in the immaculate living room. As much as she would have adored Irene's company, she knew that her true reason for stopping was to be certain that Irene was all right after the commotion last night. If it hadn't been for Bill, she would have come to Irene's aid, or at the least, called the police, but Bill had said to mind her own business and let the Copelands work out their own problems. Her heart went out to Irene. Everyone she had talked to this morning knew about the Copelands' latest battle. Their fights were becoming legendary throughout the building.  
  
"I slipped in the kitchen last night. It was one of those things." Irene laughed weakly.  
  
"Well, if you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask."  
  
"Thank you, Amy, but Alexander has been a big help to me."  
  
Irene closed the door, and then slowly let her breath out. She sensed that Amy Madison hadn't believed her. There was no way that anyone could look at her and not believe she was beaten. She walked over to the sofa and sat down. She was surprised Alexander had kept his loving demeanor all through breakfast. Even the kids seemed surprised by his attitude. Irene was relieved that no one had mentioned the events of the previous night. All five of them sat around the table eating breakfast and chatting like any normal family. But underneath it all, there had been tension--a thick, nerve-wrenching tension she'd feared would snap at any moment. But it hadn't.  
  
Alexander had been so sweet and tender. He helped her dress, and had even made breakfast for his family. She smiled. Maybe there was hope after all. Maybe she and Alexander could get along and she could show the girls what a normal family was really like. They could feel loved and wanted. She and her daughters. Alexander would encompass them all in his love. He would change. He had to change. She had to have that hope. She needed something to hold on to. She could forgive him for everything in the past if she had a future to hold on to. "Please, God, let him stay this way. Let him be the husband I know he can be."  
  
Heather caught Lita's arm as Lita hurried to the gym. "What's your hurry?" she asked.  
  
"I don't want to be late, Heather. You've gotten me in enough trouble today." Her tone was cool.  
  
"Lighten up, Lita. You know, you're becoming a real drag lately." She narrowed her eyes as she scrutinized her friend. "What's going on with you anyway?"  
  
"Nothing, Heather. Just the same old stuff. Look, I really have to go."  
  
"Want to do something tonight?"  
  
"I doubt I'll be going anywhere. I'm probably going to be grounded for the rest of my life," she said disgustedly.  
  
"Well, you can't blame me. Cole lost it when you were off in la la land." She grabbed Lita's arm. "So tell me what's really up. I'm supposed to be your best friend, remember?"  
  
Lita shrugged. "Nothing. I'm just sick and tired of Alexander. I can't stand to see my mother knocked around."  
  
"So what's the evil one done now?"  
  
Lita's eyes filled with tears. "He beat the crap out of my mom last night and broke her arm."  
  
"Oh, wow! I'm sorry, Lita." She patted her arm. "Why don't you talk to someone about it? Mrs. Moseman handles stuff like that."  
  
"No. Alexander would have a fit if he found out. I've just got to convince my mom to leave him."  
  
"Hey, I'll come over tonight, okay? If the evil one puts too much pressure on you, I'll tell him it's my fault you got detention."  
  
"Thanks, Heather. Well, I really gotta go. I'll see you tonight."  
  
  
  
Alexander set his briefcase on the kitchen counter. "How was your day, Irene?" His voice was soft.  
  
"Quiet," she smiled.  
  
"How's the arm?"  
  
"As long as I take my pain pills it's not too bad. I couldn't do too much around here with one arm, so I caught up on some reading."  
  
"Oh." He kissed her cheek. "Where are the kids?"  
  
She sighed. "Alexander, we have to talk."  
  
"I don't know if I like the sound of that." His eyes narrowed as he pulled out a chair and sat down. "What's wrong?"  
  
"It's Lita." She frowned. "She got in trouble in school today and is on a week's detention."  
  
He gave Irene a sharp look. "She's going to have to be punished."  
  
"I know, but I don't think we should be too severe." Her eyes pleaded with him. "She's had so much stress in her life lately."  
  
"Now don't go babying her, Irene. When someone commits a crime, he needs to be punished."  
  
"Alexander, this isn't murder. This is a childish stunt. We shouldn't be too hard on her. We need to talk to her and find out what is going on with her. She has always been an excellent student and has never been in trouble before."  
  
"Well, this is just the start. I think that Heather Miller is a bad influence on her."  
  
"Come on, Alexander. Heather and Lita have been friends for years. We have no right to choose her friends for her." Irene closely watched his eyes, wondering which direction he would go.  
  
"Well, we'll think of something, but right now I have some news I think will make you very happy." He smiled broadly.  
  
"What?" she asked, unsure of his cheerful mood.  
  
"I set us up with a marriage counselor today," he said.  
  
She smiled. "Oh, honey, I know this will be a turning point for us. Once we work through all of our problems, I'm sure our marriage will be what we always dreamed it should be."  
  
"Well, he had a cancellation so we lucked out. We have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. We'll be seeing a Ben Holbrook."  
  
"Did you tell him anything about what our problems are, Alexander?"  
  
"No. I only mentioned that we have a communication problem. He said that's common especially in second marriages."  
  
"Okay." She turned to the stove. "Could you help me with dinner?"  
  
"Sure, what do you need?" He put an arm around her waist.  
  
"Just set the table, honey." She stirred a pot full of vegetables. "I'm getting pretty good with only one hand," she joked.  
  
Alexander raised his eyebrows. "Ummm maybe we'll see how good you are with only one arm later on."  
  
  
  
"Did you decide what you want to do tonight, Serena?" Darien asked.  
  
"Let's just stay here. There's a good movie on tonight."  
  
"How are things?" he asked as he followed her into the living room.  
  
"Weird. Alexander and my mom are going for counseling tomorrow. They act like a normal husband and wife."  
  
He laughed. "But isn't that all you've ever wanted?"  
  
She frowned. "Yeah, but they are both acting so phony. They're like two robots being polite to each other, but not really meaning it." She threw her hands up in exasperation. "It's so tense, just waiting for the inevitable explosion to occur."  
  
"Maybe you're looking for something that isn't there," he reasoned.  
  
"You're right. I should relax and enjoy the peace while it lasts." She grabbed his hand. "Let's sit down and check out the movie."  
  
Darien followed her to the sofa and sat next to her. "Where is everybody?"  
  
"Alexander and Mom went to Stephan's baseball game and Lita and Heather Miller are in Lita's room."  
  
"So we have some privacy, huh?" He grinned as he put his arm around her.  
  
"Behave yourself, Mr. Ross," she teased as she clicked the TV on.  
  
"Do we need all of these lights on, Serena?" he asked as he nuzzled her shoulder with his chin.  
  
"I don't think so." She playfully jabbed him in his ribs. "If you think you can control yourself."  
  
"I'll try, but you are irresistible. Did you know that?"  
  
"Well, I certainly don't feel like I am," she answered as she clicked off the lights.  
  
"You need to have a positive attitude. You need to see yourself as everyone else does, Serena. I wish I could convince you how special you are to me and how much I love you." His voice was soft and his coal black eyes glistened with the love he felt for her.  
  
"I love you so much, Darien," she whispered. She looked into his eyes, then lowered her head and planted a kiss on his neck.  
  
"Do you know that I liked you before you even knew I existed?"  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Yes, I did."  
  
"Then why didn't you ever say anything to me?" she asked as she smiled up at him.  
  
"You were hung up on Jake Richards. I figured I wouldn't stand a chance compared to a guy like him."  
  
"Give me a break. That was just a childish infatuation I had for him. Every girl in school was hung up on him. But after I got to know him, it didn't take long to see what a conceited jerk he really was." She touched his cheek. "But then it was like I saw you for the first time. All of a sudden it was like I was looking at you like I had never seen you before. I couldn't get you out of my mind. I thought about you day and night. I must have driven everyone crazy."  
  
He smiled. "Well, it's nice to know that all of my mental imaging worked."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
He squeezed her shoulder. "Oh, I just pictured you and me together. I would imagine it in my mind. I would picture the whole scene. I actually forced my mind to believe you were my girl. I wouldn't let anything cloud that picture. I believed it would happen and it happened." He kissed her cheek. "So don't ever doubt my love, Serena. I went through a lot of pain and torture and cold, cold, lonely nights just waiting for you."  
  
"How come you make me feel so good?"  
  
"Because I love you. I always have and I always will." He squeezed her shoulder again. "I don't ever want you to doubt my love. You are the one I intend to spend my whole life with."  
  
"I love you so much, Darien, and I need you." She wrapped her arms around his neck.  
  
He planted kisses on her neck, then met her lips and passionately kissed them.  
  
Serena felt her heartbeat quicken, then felt feelings begin to stir within her that she'd never felt before. She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck and pressed her body against his. She was oblivious to anything or anyone but Darien, and wasn't even aware when they moved from an upright position to a horizontal position.  
  
"What is going on?" Alexander's voice thundered as he angrily walked over to the sofa and grabbed Darien's shoulder. 


	6. chapter 6

Darien jumped to an upright position. "Hi, Mr. Copeland." His eyes shifted nervously. "I guess we must have dozed off watching TV."  
  
Serena sat up and looked Alexander squarely in the eye. "We didn't do anything." Her voice was defensive.  
  
"I think you'd better leave, Darien," Alexander ordered.  
  
"Hey, what's going on?" Lita asked as she entered the room with Heather on her heels.  
  
"Darien and Serena were going at it on the couch," Stephan sneered.  
  
"We were not!" Serena said indignantly. "You're just jealous because you couldn't find anyone to go out with you if you paid her!"  
  
Heather giggled as she nudged Lita. "How much money you got, twerp?" she asked as she stared at Stephan  
  
Irene saw her husband's jaw grow tight, and she knew by the narrowing of his eyes that he was ready to explode. She had to quickly take control of the conversation. "Lita, you are grounded or did you forget?"  
  
Lita looked into her mother's eyes and picked up the clue. She turned to Heather. "You'd better go. I'll see you in school."  
  
Heather gave Alexander a hard look, and then turned to Irene. "Hope your arm heals soon," she said as she grabbed her jacket.  
  
"I'd better be going, too," Darien said, hoping to escape the tension he felt from Alexander.  
  
"Just a minute," Alexander said, laying a heavy hand on Darien's shoulder. "I don't ever want to see you and Serena in that type of situation again. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
"I would never do anything to hurt Serena." He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. "Serena and I have something very special together."  
  
"I've heard that one before. Just watch yourself in the future." His voice was cold.  
  
Serena grabbed Darien's arm and led him to the door. "I'm sorry," she whispered.  
  
"He'd better never lay a finger on you," Darien warned. "God help him if he does." He kissed her cheek. "See you tomorrow."  
  
Alexander turned on his heel until he faced Irene. "So you bailed them out again." His voice was icy as his cold eyes bore through her.  
  
"What do you mean?" She tried to keep her voice light.  
  
"My son, as usual, has to put up not only with insults from your daughters, but their friends as well."  
  
"You know how kids are, Alexander." She touched his arm. "Besides, he picks on them as much as they do him."  
  
Alexander rolled his eyes. "Sure. Stick up for them as usual." He walked over to his son. "That was a great game, son." He gave him a bear hug. "You'll always find others who are jealous of you." He stared at Irene. "The girls can't stand it because they know how much better you are than them, son."  
  
"Someday they'll be sorry, Dad."  
  
"That's for sure, son. God will punish them for every rotten thing they've ever done."  
  
"Alexander, don't forget all of the things Stephan has done. Remember, if you point a finger, you'll have three pointing back at you," Irene quietly stated.  
  
Alexander laughed. "Remember your words, Irene, the next time you accuse me of things I haven't done."  
  
She shook her head in disgust, as she looked at Stephan "I'm sure the girls were only teasing you. They would treat you the same if you were their biological brother," she said softly.  
  
"Sure. Like Dad says, you always stick up for the girls. You don't care what happens to me." He glared at her with the same cold, dark eyes of his father. "You just try to make everybody think that Dad is a bad guy; you never tell them what you do to him!"  
  
"It's not true. I do care what happens to you, but I'm not going to argue with you about it." Her voice was soft.  
  
Stephan shrugged his shoulders. "As if I would ever believe a word you say." His voice was sarcastic. "Dad and I got along great before he got mixed up with you!"  
  
Irene turned to her husband for support. "Honey, I don't know how I can convince you or Stephan of my feelings."  
  
"Just give it up, Irene. Your actions have proved where your true loyalties lie. My son and I will never mean anything to you. Whenever something goes wrong, you put all the blame on him."  
  
"That's not true, Alexander, but I can see this conversation is going nowhere."  
  
"Why don't you take a shower, son? I've got to give Lita her punishment for getting into trouble at school today." He looked at Irene, challenging her with his eyes to say something, but she kept silent. Instead she followed him down the hall to Lita's room.  
  
Alexander opened the door.  
  
"Hey, don't you believe in knocking?" Lita demanded. She was sprawled across her bed, staring at a fashion magazine.  
  
"I pay the rent, young lady, and whenever I want to enter this room I will, without permission from you or anyone else!"  
  
Lita looked at her mother. "Mom, I deserve some privacy."  
  
Irene grabbed Alexander's arm. "Honey, we shouldn't invade the kids' privacy. We wouldn't want them barging into our room any time they felt like it," she reasoned.  
  
Alexander's eyes flashed as he shrugged his wife's hand from his arm. "There you go again, Irene, always defending them and making me out to be some kind of a monster!" He walked over to Lita. "I will not tolerate any more of your backtalk! After the stunt you pulled in school today you are grounded for a month--no TV, stereo, nothing! Do I make myself clear?"  
  
Lita snickered. "Give me a break! All I did was forget a stupid assignment! I didn't commit murder!"  
  
"Any more of your mouth and I'll double it!"  
  
"Alexander," Irene said, "don't you think you're going overboard?"  
  
"Stay out of it, Irene! I am the head of this house and it's about time you got that through your thick skull!" He angrily pointed a finger at her.  
  
"Please don't point your finger at me, Alexander. I can't stand that."  
  
"Don't you ever tell me what I can or cannot do in my own home!" He pushed her roughly away from himself, causing her cast-laden arm to thud against the wall.  
  
Irene clenched her teeth together to suppress her pain.  
  
"Look what you did to Mom!" Lita yelled.  
  
"It was an accident. I would never hurt your mother! God will punish you for your lies!"  
  
"You are the liar!" Lita shouted back.  
  
"I should break your neck!"  
  
"Alexander!" Irene shouted. "Don't you dare lay one finger on her!"  
  
Alexander turned and looked into his wife's eyes. He could feel the heat of her anger. 


	7. chapter 7

"Run to Mommy, baby," Alexander taunted. "You are a waste. Do what you want. I have tried to be a good father to you, but everything I do for you, you just throw it back in my face."  
  
"Just leave me alone, Alexander. I don't care what you think of me."  
  
"Just remember your punishment. Also, you'd better tell Heather Miller that she isn't welcome in my home anymore after her rudeness to my son."  
  
Lita rolled her eyes. "Whatever."  
  
  
  
Alexander lay staring at the ceiling. He took a deep breath and held it for as long as he could before exhaling.  
  
Irene lay silently next to him. She could feel his tenseness and knew a battle was raging within him to keep his temper in check. She was so tired, not physically, but mentally. She knew she couldn't take much more; at any moment she would snap and that would be the end. Her nerves were a twisted and mangled mass of frustrations. But she still clung to one hope. The hope being that the counselor would shed some light on how she could help her husband and how they could become a normal family. But still, she was afraid to get her hopes too high. Every time she did, Alexander had a way of pulling the rug out from under her. Still, she had to cling to the hope.  
  
  
  
Lita stared at the crumpled pass she held in her hands. She wondered why Mrs. Moseman wanted to see her. She sat on the bench outside of Mrs. Moseman's office, nervously picking at a fingernail.  
  
The office door opened and an attractive, young woman peered out. "Lita Johnson?" she asked.  
  
Lita nodded.  
  
"Come in, please." She held the door.  
  
Lita nervously waited as the woman closed the door, then motioned her to a chair.  
  
"You're probably wondering why I asked to see you this morning," she said as she observed Lita's uneasiness.  
  
"Is it because of what happened in math class yesterday?"  
  
"No," she quickly answered, "but I was surprised. You have never caused a problem for anyone before."  
  
"I'm just going through something right now." She averted her gaze from Mrs. Moseman's friendly eyes.  
  
"That's why I called you in here, Lita. A friend of yours is very concerned about you and thought I may be able to help you." Her voice was kind.  
  
Lita squirmed in her seat. "That's all right. It's nothing serious." She took a deep breath. "So who asked you to talk to me?"  
  
"It doesn't really matter."  
  
"It had to be Heather Miller."  
  
Mrs. Moseman frowned. "I told her I wouldn't divulge her name. She is very worried about you, Lita, and she doesn't want you to think she's causing you more trouble by coming to me."  
  
"Oh, I'm not upset with her," Lita quickly said. "But I wish she hadn't come to you."  
  
Mrs. Moseman seated herself at her desk. "Would you like to talk about anything in particular, Lita?"  
  
She shrugged.  
  
"How's your home life?"  
  
She sighed. "Oh, probably the same as everybody else's." She stared at the woman. "What did Heather tell you?"  
  
The woman was thoughtful for a moment. "I understand that your parents are having some difficulties."  
  
"Not my mom." She dropped her eyes.  
  
"Your stepfather, then?"  
  
Lita stood up and walked over to the window. She stared out at the parking lot for a few seconds, and then turned to Mrs. Moseman. "My stepfather is always beating on my mom." Her voice was quiet. "A couple of nights ago he broke my mom's arm." Tears filled her eyes.  
  
Mrs. Moseman walked over to Lita and put a friendly arm around her shoulder. "I think I'll have your sister join us."  
  
Lita nodded.  
  
  
  
Irene gazed at her reflection in the full-length mirror. She looked pale, so she added more blush to her thin cheeks. She noticed how thin she was becoming. Her eyes no longer held their shiny gleam; now they looked tired and vacant. The counseling had to work. She needed to hold on to something. She selected a skirt that was a favorite of Alexander's and a plain low-cut blouse. She dabbed some perfume behind her ears, then carefully applied her lipstick. She frowned at her appearance. If it wasn't for her cast, she would look almost pretty, she thought. Now all she had to do was wait for Alexander to pick her up.  
  
  
  
"What's wrong?" Serena asked as she walked into Mrs. Moseman's office.  
  
"I just wanted to talk to you both, Serena," the counselor said.  
  
"Sure." She looked questioningly at the woman. "Is everything all right, Lita?" she asked as she walked over to the window where Lita was still standing.  
  
"I told her about Alexander," Lita said in a low voice.  
  
Mrs. Moseman apparently noticed the fear that was evident in Serena 's eyes. "Everything will be fine," she assured her. "Lita told me that your stepfather broke your mother's arm."  
  
Serena nodded.  
  
"Has he abused you girls in any way?"  
  
Serena and Lita looked at each other. "He used to smack us around, but now he only makes threats," Serena finally said.  
  
"How about your mother?"  
  
"I told you my mom never abuses us," Lita said.  
  
"No, Mom is very good to us. In fact, she takes a lot to protect us," Serena explained.  
  
Mrs. Moseman frowned. "Has he ever hurt your mother in front of you girls?"  
  
"Yes," Serena whispered.  
  
"Your mother doesn't have to put up with it. There is help available."  
  
"They're going to a counselor today," Lita said.  
  
"Has your mother ever pressed charges?"  
  
"No, but a few years ago we stayed in a shelter for a while," Serena explained. "When we went back home, things were okay for a while, but then Alexander, my stepfather, started in again."  
  
Mrs. Moseman's voice was sympathetic. "Please let me know how things are going at home. And please notify me immediately if your stepfather touches either of you girls." She smiled at them. "I only want to help you." 


	8. chapter 8

Irene sat in a plush chair next to Alexander as Ben Holbrook seated himself across from them.  
  
"So, why are you two here?" he asked as he grabbed a pen and a legal pad.  
  
Alexander looked at Irene. "She's jealous of any relationship I have with my family," he answered quickly; too quick, Irene thought.  
  
Irene's eyes opened wide in surprise "That's not true."  
  
"She cannot tolerate me loving anyone but her. I love my mother and she can't stand it."  
  
"That's not true, Alexander. Your family has accused me of things I have never done." She looked at Ben Holbrook. "I have tried to be accepted by his family, but they shut me out. As far as Alexander's mother is concerned, I am not jealous of her. He should love his mother."  
  
Ben Holbrook stared hard at her for a few seconds. "Irene, isn't it true that you took drugs and had an affair with one of Alexander's relatives before you met Alexander?" His voice was unsympathetic.  
  
Irene felt like someone had plunged a knife through her heart. "No! It isn't!" Tears glistened in her eyes. "Alexander's mother started that rumor when we first met. I don't know what her problem is. I swore to Alexander over and over none of it was true!" She looked at her husband. He had a smug expression on his face.  
  
Ben Holbrook shifted his heavy body in his chair as he watched her. He was in his mid-forties with graying hair around his temples. "Calm down, Irene, I'm not accusing you of anything. I just want you to understand why Alexander feels betrayed by you. If you had been open with him about your past when you two first met, I'm sure that his mother wouldn't have dug up information about your past."  
  
Irene couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had been set up! Alexander had set her up! "But it is not true!" she repeated. "My girls and I had to live in a shelter because Alexander's family convinced him to throw us out!"  
  
Alexander shook his head as he looked at the older man. "I told you she has mental problems. She even tried to have me committed to an institution, but my family intervened."  
  
"How can you sit there and lie, Alexander?" Tears filled her eyes. "What about my arm? What about the bruises on my body?" she screamed.  
  
"Calm down, Irene," Ben Holbrook ordered. "We are here to help you; not hurt you. But if you continue to shout, we will accomplish nothing." His voice was stern.  
  
"I don't believe this," Irene muttered as she stood up. "I won't listen to any more of these lies and accusations!" She walked to the door.  
  
"Irene, get back here!"  
  
She turned and stared at Ben Holbrook, then said, "No, this is all a ridiculous pack of lies and I won't listen to any more."  
  
Irene dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. "How could you do that to me, Alexander?" Her voice shook. "How could you set me up?" Her emotional pain was almost unbearable. "You lied to me and about me."  
  
"Oh, get a grip, Irene. You get so emotional. Can't you see how you made a fool of yourself in front of Ben Holbrook?" He threw his hands up in exasperation. "The guy thinks you're a mental case!"  
  
"I won't listen to any more lies from you, Alexander!" Her insides quivered, and she was overcome with a feeling of emptiness and loneliness, which seemed to engulf her more with every word Alexander spoke.  
  
"You will listen, Irene." He grabbed her shoulders and shook her so hard she thought her neck would snap.  
  
"Stop it!" She placed the palms of her hands on his chest and pushed at him with all the strength she could muster. "I won't let you hurt me again." Her eyes flashed angrily. "Someday you'll have to face the consequences of what you have done, Alexander. But I will not allow you to ever hurt my daughters or me again. I must have been crazy to have allowed this for all these years." She paused to catch her breath. "But I'll tell you something," she said, her voice rising with each word, "you are the most cruel man I have ever met! You don't have blood running through those veins of yours. You have ice water!" Her heart thumped furiously when she finished. She looked at her husband. She couldn't believe his reaction. He was sneering at her.  
  
Alexander shook his head. "I feel sorry for you, Irene. You never could take criticism. Whenever something doesn't go your way, you go off the deep end." He laughed. "No one would ever believe the stories you make up about me. I have a good reputation and you are only going to destroy your life by making up these crazy stories."  
  
Irene didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. There was no way she could back down now. If she did, Alexander would never let her live it down. He would torment her for the rest of her life. And how could she ever live with herself if she didn't stand firm? She would lose everything if she let him win. And she would end up destroyed. She couldn't let Alexander keep her in this prison. She had to break free.  
  
"I don't want you to bring this topic up ever again, Irene. Do I make myself clear? I will never go to counseling with you again!"  
  
"Alexander, please! Our marriage depends on this!" She felt a lump catch in her throat. "Why can't you for once in your life just admit what you have done? Can't you see that I forgive you? I only want to help you!"  
  
Alexander shook his head in wonder. "Irene, I have told you over and over that your imagination is going to get you into trouble. You cannot falsely accuse someone of violent behavior. You will find yourself in serious trouble some day," he warned.  
  
Irene felt anger rising within her. "Alexander, maybe you can convince everyone else you are perfect, but just remember, I know the truth. As God is my witness, Alexander, I will not tolerate any more of your lies. You have convinced your family and the church that I am to blame for all of our problems." Her voice trembled. "How could you do that? How could you tell such horrible, vicious lies about me? Why, Alexander? I have tried so hard to make this marriage work, but I just can't take any more." She stared into his cold, jeering eyes. "You need help, Alexander. Do yourself and Stephan a favor and get help for the both of you."  
  
Alexander started to laugh. "Listen to yourself. You twist everything. If it isn't Irene's way, it's no one's way. You are so sick!" He grabbed her arm. "Do you remember the time you called my family over and tried to convince them that I was abusing you and the kids?" His voice was loud.  
  
"I called them because you were acting like a maniac."  
  
"Right! You and the kids attacked me! I was trying to defend myself!" he shouted.  
  
Irene pulled her arm free. "No, you are lying! You were like a crazy man that night. How can you lie about it?" She looked incredulously at him. "You think you can do whatever you want to me and the girls. You always get bailed out, don't you?" She didn't wait for an answer, but continued as all the suppressed anger she had felt for so long came pouring out. "Your family has covered for you from the first day I met you! They saw you beat me and then acted as though it was my fault because you were under stress! It's always the same thing, Alexander. You do the same thing with Stephan and the girls. Do you recall the time you humiliated Lita by making her sit at the kitchen table for two hours because she wouldn't eat her mashed potatoes?" Her eyes filled with tears at the recollection. "She kept telling you she wasn't feeling well and couldn't finish her dinner, but you refused to listen. You were like a madman, ranting and raving. Then to make matters worse, Stephan had a friend over who happened to be a classmate of Lita's. Instead of asking him to leave, you continued to berate her in front of everybody!" She lowered her voice. "I watched you, Alexander. I watched your eyes. They were filled with something evil. Then when I comforted my own child, you stormed into the living room and pouted that I was interfering with your duty as head of the household. You remember, Alexander, I know you do!" She glared at him. "You tried to twist it and make me feel guilty, like you were innocent. Your feelings always come first. As long as you are happy, it doesn't matter how anyone else feels. Like the incident with Lita. The next night Stephan wasted most of his dinner and you never said a word. When I questioned you about it, you told me to leave him alone and to get off his back." Her eyes were cold as she continued to stare at him. "I can't take anymore, Alexander. Either you get some help or . . ."  
  
"Or what?" Alexander thundered. "I've listened to you for the past ten minutes and as usual, you don't appreciate a thing I've done for you." He pointed a finger at her. "And don't you ever threaten me! My whole family knows what I've put up with all these years with you! You need help, lady!"  
  
Irene looked disgustedly at him. "I might as well save my breath. You'll never admit what you do." She walked toward the kitchen. "I've got to start dinner." 


	9. chapter 9

"So how'd your parents' counseling go?" Darien asked as he bit into his sandwich.  
  
Serena stared at the tray of uneaten food in front of her. "Not well. All they did was fight all night."  
  
Darien noticed the faint shadow under her eyes. "Didn't get much sleep, huh?"  
  
Serena sighed. "Not much. It wasn't really because of their fighting, though. I was just afraid he would hurt my mom again." She moved the vegetables on her plate around with her spoon. "I don't know what to do, Darien."  
  
He looked into her eyes but knew that he could give her no answers. His heart ached with the tender, unspoiled love of an eighteen-year-old boy- man. His love was genuine and pure. Serena made him feel invincible and he would do anything for her. He felt so helpless now. She needed him and he couldn't help her. "Have you asked your mom to leave him?"  
  
"Yeah, but she doesn't have any money. Just our child support. There's no way we could make it." Tears sparkled in her eyes. "There's got to be a way, Darien."  
  
"Did he do anything to you last night?"  
  
"No, he was too busy grounding Lita for getting into trouble at school."  
  
"He didn't hit her, did he?" he asked angrily. "I know I tease Lita a lot, but I really do care about her."  
  
Serena put her hands over his. "I'm just thankful that I have you to lean on, Darien." She squeezed his hands. "He didn't touch Lita, but he would have if my mom hadn't stopped him. As it was, he grounded her for a ridiculous length of time and took away TV and stereo privileges. And she can't see Heather any more."  
  
"What a jerk." He shook his head. "I just hope your mom can think of something to get you guys out of there."  
  
"Me, too, Darien. Me, too."  
  
  
  
"What happened after I left?" Heather asked as she flipped open her math book.  
  
"He took away my TV, stereo, phone--everything."  
  
"That's stupid. For how long?"  
  
"A month." She turned around and noticed that Miss Cole hadn't entered the room yet. She returned her attention to Heather. "There's one more thing," she said quietly.  
  
"What?"  
  
Lita frowned. "I'm not supposed to see you any more. Alexander thinks you're a bad influence."  
  
"So, the Evil One doesn't like me, huh?"  
  
Lita saw through her friend's sarcasm and right to the hurt she knew Heather must be feeling. Heather always had a knack for hiding her true feelings behind a mask of sarcasm. Only those who knew her well knew how insecure she really was.  
  
"We can still get together after school and stuff," Lita said.  
  
"I thought you were grounded."  
  
"Yeah, but I'll blow that off. Besides, I think my mom is planning something."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Lita smiled. "I think she's getting ready to leave Alexander. They didn't have any luck with their counseling."  
  
"I like your mom, Lita, and I really hope that you guys dump the evil one and the little twerp."  
  
Lita laughed. "Stephan is such a wimp. The way he cries to Daddy all the time." She made a face. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Miss Cole entering the room. "I'll talk to you later," she whispered.  
  
  
  
Irene rested on her knees as she pulled a few weeds from her garden with her good arm.  
  
"Hi, Irene."  
  
She glanced up into the warm, friendly eyes of Amy Madison. "Hi," she answered returning the smile.  
  
"How's the arm doing?"  
  
Irene stood up. "Not too bad, but it sure is inconvenient. It's frustrating trying to get things done."  
  
"Do you need any help?" Amy offered.  
  
"Oh, no, thank you," Irene quickly replied. "The kids and Alexander are doing a great job. In fact, I'm kind of enjoying being pampered." She laughed.  
  
"Can I talk to you for a few minutes? It's personal."  
  
Irene became uneasy with Amy's penetrating eyes. She knows the truth, she thought.  
  
"I . . . uh . . . sure, I guess," she finally muttered.  
  
Amy put a friendly hand on Irene's shoulder. "Come to my apartment for a cold glass of lemonade."  
  
Irene nervously looked around herself as though she expected to see Alexander's cold, threatening eyes warning her not to get too friendly. Irene slowly followed the woman past the rows of gardens and into the building. Before she knew it, she found herself seated on the sofa in Amy Madison's living room with a tall, cold glass of lemonade clutched tightly in her hands.  
  
"I'm pleased that you've finally agreed to visit me." Amy sat in a chair facing Irene. She set her glass of lemonade on a coaster on top of the coffee table. "I want to be your friend, Irene, but you don't seem to want to get close to anyone. I've watched you ever since you've moved in here and you spend all your time alone." Her voice was soft.  
  
Irene rapidly blinked her eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. She knew if she didn't collect herself immediately, she would end up pouring her heart out to Amy Madison.  
  
If she did, Alexander might find out and she didn't know how she would deal with him. But then, her mind tried to reason, why should she care? She already told him he would never hurt her again. After all the lies he told about her to everyone, she had the right to let one person know the hell she was living. And she so desperately needed a friend. Amy was more than a friend; she was a mother image. Irene needed a mother since her own mother had passed away a couple of years earlier.  
  
She remembered the pain Alexander had caused her at her mother's funeral. He had ignored her and the girls. He had refused to meet any of her relatives; it was as though he were jealous of her mother. He wouldn't bring Stephan to the services and no one from his family came to offer their condolences. She felt so alone. When she had needed him the most to lean on, he had pulled away. His rudeness toward the mourners embarrassed her and she tried to make excuses for him, but his lack of friendliness toward her family only led them to further their negative opinion of him. Especially since several months before her mother's death, her grandmother had passed away and Alexander had refused to attend the funeral with her. He said he had to pick up a specially designed gift for Stephan and there was no other time he could schedule to get it.  
  
As Irene thought about all the painful memories with Alexander, her eyes flooded with tears and were soon pouring down her cheeks. Her grief consumed her, and she temporarily forgot that she was sitting in Amy Madison's living room. 


	10. chapter 10

Hot, heavy tears zigzagged down Irene's cheeks. She cried so hard her chest heaved as though she were gasping for air. She couldn't stop the horrible memories flooding through her mind one at a time; the pain suffocated her.  
  
Amy Madison was quickly at her side with a box of tissues. She put both arms around Irene and held her close as a mother would her suffering child. "It'll be all right," she whispered as she stroked Irene's hair. She sat for twenty minutes comforting Irene until Irene's tears finally subsided.  
  
"I'm sorry," Irene sniffed.  
  
"Don't apologize, dear," Amy replied in a soft voice. "Whatever is inside of you must be terribly painful. I'm not prying, Irene, but I just want you to know if you ever need a friend to talk to, I'm a good listener."  
  
Irene took a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. "I don't usually break down like this." She took a long, shuddering breath. "I've just been under so much stress lately."  
  
"Irene, I won't lie to you," she began slowly, "but these walls are very thin in this building. I, as well as several others, have heard what goes on in your apartment," she said frankly.  
  
Irene's face flushed. "I . . . I don't know what to say." She had to say something. Amy had just admitted that their fights were known throughout the building. If she kept her silence, then Amy might think that Irene was the cause of her and Alexander's problems. "Amy, things aren't always as they seem."  
  
Amy could see the pain in Irene's eyes. She silently prayed that Irene would trust her. For two long years she had watched the pretty, young woman struggle with loneliness. She saw it in Irene's eyes every time they happened to pass one another. And she saw it in the shy smile Irene would offer. She had told her husband, Bill, so many times that if someone didn't intervene, something horrible would happen in the Copeland apartment. The arguments were growing more frequent and more intense. She was surprised no one had ever called the police, but like Bill said, why bring more trouble on the Copelands. Amy patted Irene's arm. "You don't have to say anything. Just know that I am always here if you need me."  
  
Irene sighed tiredly. "I can't take it anymore," she blurted out. "My husband and I are having problems. We went to a marriage counselor and I was hoping it would work, but I was set up." Her words came out in a rush and she knew she probably made no sense.  
  
"Irene, every marriage has its own problems. It takes a lot of time and effort to make a marriage work especially in these times," she said.  
  
"No, this is different. I can't do anything to please Alexander. He finds fault with everything." Her eyes brimmed with tears again.  
  
"Does he forbid you to have friends?" Amy asked.  
  
Her eyes narrowed. "He doesn't like me to get close to anyone. He says that people will just cause problems between us."  
  
"But, Irene, everybody needs someone to lean on. You can't isolate yourself," Amy reasoned.  
  
"That's the point," Irene explained. "Every time I try to get close to anyone, Alexander ruins the friendship." A tear slid down her cheek. "I'm so lonely, Amy. And I'm scared."  
  
Amy patted Irene's arm. "I'll be your friend, Irene."  
  
"But Alexander will be furious if he finds out I'm talking to you."  
  
Amy sensed Irene's fear and loneliness. "We won't let him find out," she said.  
  
"I shouldn't have to sneak around to have a friend. No one else has to. For years I've watched friends doing things together and I've felt so left out." Tears streamed down her cheeks. "When we moved here I thought that finally he would let me have a friend since this building holds so many apartments. But he warned me not to get involved. You don't know how hard it is for me day after day to come outside and work on my garden and watch everyone pull up chairs and visit." She was sobbing now. "And when you invited me in for coffee," she was gulping now, "I wanted so desperately to visit you, but I was too afraid of what Alexander would do."  
  
Amy's heart ached for Irene. She looked into Irene's red-swollen eyes, then at the cast on her arm and the faint bruises on her cheek and other arm. "Irene, can I ask you a very personal question? You don't have to answer me if you don't want to."  
  
"What is it?" Irene whispered.  
  
"Your bruises . . . did Alexander cause them? Remember the first time we talked and you told me you bumped into the kitchen cupboard? And then when you broke your arm you said that you slipped on the kitchen floor."  
  
Irene lowered her eyes.  
  
"Did your husband do that to you?"  
  
She let out a moan as though she had been wounded. "Please don't tell anyone. You don't know Alexander's temper."  
  
"I won't say anything," she quickly reassured her. "I only want to help you." She patted her arm. "What about your family, Irene? Have you told them anything? Can't they offer you some emotional support?"  
  
She took a deep breath. "My mother passed away some time ago. I have several brothers and sisters, but we are not a close family. They have their own lives and problems. And Alexander made it known after our marriage that they were not welcome in our home." She frowned. "Alexander is very possessive. He can do whatever he wants when he wants, but if I want to do something, he accuses me of not caring for him. Over a period of time, I gave up my friends and everything I liked to do. Then he became jealous that I was spending too much time with my mother. But the ironic thing is that he spends as much time with his family as he wants to and I'm supposed to keep quiet and not interfere in his life."  
  
"That's not a normal relationship, Irene," Amy said, as her mind tried to comprehend the hell Irene must be enduring each day with no relief in sight. This woman needed help badly if she were to survive much longer. "How does his family treat you?" Amy asked.  
  
"Not well. His mother is jealous of me." She watched Amy's eyebrows rise. "I know it sounds strange," she explained, "but it's the truth. It's almost as though she wants him just for herself. She caused problems for us, but Alexander will not admit it. He will defend his mother with his life." She sighed. "I tried so hard to form a relationship with her, but she is so cold to me and my daughters. She showers Stephan with gifts in front of the girls and lets them know in subtle ways that she will never accept them as her step-grandchildren. It makes my blood run cold. She will not allow the girls to call her grandmother, but my own mother always referred to Stephan as her grandson. She never slighted him. Mrs. Copeland started some vicious rumors about me and Alexander, of course, believed her. I swore to him none of it was true, but he refused to believe that his mother would lie even though she couldn't prove her allegations against me. It was about that time he started abusing me. He told our pastor and our church family his mother's lies. People started turning away from me. He got his way. He always does. He made me totally dependent on him."  
  
Amy shook her head in wonder. "You said earlier that you and your husband went to a marriage counselor. How did that go?"  
  
"It didn't. It was a waste of time. Alexander lied to me again. He set me up and the counselor accused me of things I never did." She wrung her hands. "Oh, Amy, this must sound crazy to you. You must be thinking that I'm some sort of nut."  
  
"On the contrary," Amy Madison answered. "There are more women than you think, Irene, in your situation. Like you, they too are victimized. Some of them stay in marriages that are abusive for their entire lives . . . virtual prisoners in their own homes."  
  
"I probably shouldn't have told you as much as I did," she said nervously.  
  
"I'm glad you did, Irene. It's not healthy to keep it all bottled up inside." She patted Irene's hand. "You still haven't answered my question . . . did Alexander cause your injuries?"  
  
"Yes." She began to cry again.  
  
  
  
Irene hurried into the apartment and over to the ringing telephone. "Hello," she breathlessly said.  
  
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Copeland. I'm Mrs. Moseman. I'm a counselor at the high school. I've had a talk with your daughters, Serena and Lita, and I would like to speak to you." Her voice was friendly.  
  
"They aren't in any trouble, are they?" she asked nervously.  
  
"No . . . no, we had a nice visit and they mentioned a couple of things I'd like to discuss with you. Would it be possible for you to come down to the school this afternoon?"  
  
"Sure. I'll be there as soon as I can." 


	11. chapter 11

"We eat at six o'clock on the dot, Alexander." She stared into his eyes without flinching. "Your rule, remember?"  
  
"Don't play games with me, Irene! Sit down, son, and eat your dinner." He shot his wife a dirty look as he heaped stew on his plate. "Where's the bread?"  
  
"We have rolls," Irene answered as she passed them to him.  
  
"I want bread." His voice was threatening.  
  
Irene continued to eat her dinner.  
  
Serena and Lita looked at each other in wonder.  
  
"I'll get you some, Dad," Stephan offered.  
  
"No, son. It is the wife's duty to take care of her husband."  
  
"That's so outdated," Serena said rolling her eyes toward the ceiling.  
  
"What did you say?" Alexander asked in a loud voice.  
  
"I said your remark is outdated. Why should Mom be expected to wait on you?" She kept an even tone of voice.  
  
Alexander stood up.  
  
"Don't touch her, Alexander," Irene said in a low voice.  
  
"What?" He leaned toward his wife.  
  
"We are not afraid of you. You're not going to scare us anymore. Lay one finger on me or my daughters ever again and you can rest assured I will bring every charge imaginable against you." Her voice was calm and she spoke as though they were having a normal family conversation.  
  
Stephan looked at his father. "Remember what you told me, Dad? Are you going to let any woman talk down to you?"  
  
"No, I'm not," Alexander answered. "You need help, Irene."  
  
Irene laughed. "Your cover-up isn't going to work anymore. You have enough problems with your son's behavior."  
  
"My son doesn't have any problems. He's always been a good boy."  
  
"That's not what the school says."  
  
Alexander's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Stephan looked once again at his father, and Irene saw the fear in his eyes.  
  
"Your son is perfect? No. You've covered for him just as your family has covered for you."  
  
"You're crazy! Stephan has never gotten into trouble in school. You're just saying that because your precious Lita is a trouble maker."  
  
"No. You gave the school your work number so I wouldn't know the extent of his behavioral problems."  
  
"You're a liar!" Stephan jumped to his feet with raised fists.  
  
"Go ahead, Stephan" Irene looked him squarely in his eyes. "Prove how wonderful you are by striking your stepmother."  
  
The boy shook with rage as his eyes darted from Irene to his father and back again. After a few seconds, he looked down at his uneaten dinner, then slammed his chair against the table and stomped out of the room.  
  
"Look at him, Alexander. He is the product of your own making."  
  
"It's your fault!"  
  
"You can never take the blame for your actions. But let me warn you, as I said earlier, you will never touch me or my daughters again." She took a deep breath. "I'm going to see a counselor, one of my own choosing."  
  
"Don't expect me to go with you!" His voice was sarcastic.  
  
"I don't want you to go with me. I'm going on my own. Then I'm going to make some major changes."  
  
"You won't get a cent from me," he warned.  
  
"I don't now, so what's the difference?"  
  
Irene sat on one of the beds in her daughters' bedroom. They sat on the floor looking up at her, just as they had when they were small, and she wanted to have a serious talk with them.  
  
"What is going on, Mom?" Serena asked.  
  
"Are we going to leave Alexander?" Lita hopefully asked.  
  
Irene took a deep breath. "I can't kid myself any longer. You girls know the things Alexander has said and done. I'm going to be seeing a counselor."  
  
"We know that, Mom," Serena said.  
  
"I know, just let me finish." She smiled. "It won't be easy, and we will have to cut back, but I'm going to check out our options and see what help is available out there. I won't put you two through any more of this abuse! I'm sorry that you had to go through what you did." Tears filled her eyes. "I wanted so much more for you."  
  
"You're a good mom," Lita said.  
  
"Mom, you've given us more than we ever deserved," Serena replied.  
  
Both girls sat next to their mother and put their arms around her.  
  
Irene dabbed at her eyes. "I don't know what I did to ever deserve you two," she sniffed. "Lita, tell Heather she's welcome in our home whenever she wants to come over and your grounding is suspended."  
  
Lita grinned. "Thanks, Mom."  
  
"I want both of you to realize things won't be easy, but we'll make it. We'll still have to live with Alexander for a while."  
  
Serena 's eyes clouded.  
  
"Before you ever think it, Serena, no, this time I won't allow Alexander to change my mind. I don't care if he does a complete turnaround. I don't trust him anymore. Nothing will change my mind." Her voice was firm.  
  
"Will we stay here or move?" Lita asked.  
  
"I don't know. But it doesn't matter. What does matter is that the three of us will be together and won't have to worry about Alexander's mood swings any longer." 


	12. chapter 12

Irene lay in the darkness, welcoming the chance to free her mind from the long day. She was tired. She knew her tiredness was more from her emotional drain than from any physical labor.  
  
Alexander slipped in bed beside her. She could feel his breath on her neck when he turned in her direction. Her body went numb. She would not let him arouse her.  
  
"What's this?" he whispered as he touched her nightgown. "Let me help you out of it."  
  
"No."  
  
"Come on, babe. We'll work things out. We always do."  
  
"Not this time, Alexander." Her voice was firm.  
  
"Look, go to the counselor if it makes you feel better." He leaned over her.  
  
She couldn't see him clearly in the darkness, but she knew he was staring intently at her, assured that he would get his way.  
  
"Let me turn the light on low," he said.  
  
"No, Alexander, I'm tired. It's been a long day and all I want is sleep."  
  
"I can make you sleep like a baby," he whispered. He moved his hands under her nightgown.  
  
Irene quickly sat up. "I said no, Alexander, and I mean no!"  
  
"You are my wife and I expect you to fulfill your wifely duties," he said angrily.  
  
"Maybe I would if you fulfilled your husbandly duties," she retorted.  
  
Alexander pulled at her nightgown again.  
  
She slapped his hand away. "I said no and I mean no!"  
  
"I don't have to beg, Irene," he snarled. "Our marriage vows include sex."  
  
"They include a lot of things you seem to forget, but they definitely do not include rape!" she hissed.  
  
"Rape by your husband is very hard to prove."  
  
"But it can be proved!"  
  
He sighed. "Come on, baby, let's cut out this nonsense. We're two adults."  
  
"I said no and I mean no. I'm not letting you manipulate me ever again. Do yourself a favor and get some professional help!"  
  
"Bitch," Alexander hissed as he got out of bed and angrily stalked into the living room.  
  
  
  
"What a nice little family gathering," Alexander sneered as he walked into the kitchen. He observed Irene and her daughters sitting around the kitchen table, happily engaged in an animated conversation.  
  
Irene smiled at her daughters. "This, Alexander, is what a normal family is like. But that's something you know nothing about and don't seem to want."  
  
"Give me a break!" He threw his overcoat over the back of his chair. "Where's Stephan?"  
  
"I don't have the slightest idea."  
  
"Why isn't he having his breakfast?"  
  
"I don't know, Alexander. Why don't you ask him? I refuse to cater to him any longer. He is disrespectful to me and I will no longer tolerate his behavior. For years he has seen the way I've allowed you to treat me, so he feels he can also do it. I blame myself for allowing him to think that your behavior was acceptable."  
  
Before Alexander could utter a word, Stephan walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. His hair was tousled and his tee shirt was half tucked into his jeans. "Why didn't anybody wake me?" he snarled. "Now I'm gonna be late."  
  
"I called you twice," Irene said calmly. "I'm not going to stand outside your bedroom door anymore to make sure you get up. If you don't get up the second time you're called, then you're on your own, pal."  
  
Stephan's eyes widened in surprise. "Are you going to let her talk to me like that, Dad?"  
  
"No, I am not, son." He turned to his wife. "Apologize."  
  
"You've got to be kidding, Alexander."  
  
"Never mind, son, she's not worth it," he said as he laid a hand on his son's shoulder. "Sit down and eat your breakfast, then I'll drop you off at school."  
  
"Okay, Dad." He looked at the platter of scrambled eggs and sausage. "I want fried eggs and bacon."  
  
Alexander looked at Irene, but she kept her head down as she finished eating her breakfast.  
  
"Stephan would like his breakfast." He glanced at his wristwatch. "Come on, Irene, you're going to make us both late."  
  
"Listen carefully because I'm only going to say this once." She looked at her husband. "I am not a maid. From now on Stephan can eat what's on the table or he can starve."  
  
Alexander grabbed his jacket. "Come on, son, you can grab something on the way."  
  
  
  
Serena was grinning when Darien caught up to her.  
  
"What are you so happy about? Or is it because you know you've got the cutest guy on the planet?" he teased.  
  
"Yes, you are the cutest guy on the planet, but that's already an established fact." She smiled as she grabbed his hand. "The reason I'm in such a great mood is because my mom finally stood up to Alexander."  
  
"All right!"  
  
"She had a long talk with me and Lita last night. She's going to leave him."  
  
"When?"  
  
"She's not sure. She has to take care of a few things, but at least she's going to do it. That's all that matters, Darien."  
  
"I'm happy for you. How about celebrating tonight? No school tomorrow. Remember?"  
  
"Okay. I've got to get to class now, so let me know at lunch what you want to do." She gave him a quick kiss.  
  
"So what's on the agenda this weekend?" Heather asked.  
  
"I don't know. Why don't you come over and we can think of something," Lita answered.  
  
Heather frowned. "Are you forgetting something?"  
  
"No, I don't think so. Do you have other plans?"  
  
"You're not supposed to see me, dummy!"  
  
Lita started to laugh. "I was only putting you on. I know Alexander said you're not welcome, but last night my mother ungrounded me and said you can come over whenever you want to."  
  
"Great!" Her eyes narrowed. "But what about the evil one?"  
  
"Forget him. He's history. Mom's dumping him. You should have seen her stand up to him."  
  
"Cool. It's about time." She smiled. "So, Lita, what's the deal with the new guy--Morrison Baker?"  
  
Lita blushed. "He is so cute. I thought I'd ask him to do something tonight."  
  
"He is cute. Maybe sometime you can double with me and Jake."  
  
"I thought you dumped Jake."  
  
"Oh, I did, but he called me last night. He was so sweet. You should have heard him."  
  
"But I thought you said he ran out on you with Sage Ken."  
  
She shrugged her shoulders. "He did, but he said she definitely wasn't worth it."  
  
"I hope it works out for you, Heather. After all, I've only had to hear about Jake Farmer for two years before you got up the nerve to ask him out."  
  
"I know." She melodramatically put a hand to her brow. "Love is so fickle."  
  
"I see you've been watching those ancient movies on the late show again," Lita giggled.  
  
"That's where I learn all my moves." Heather winked.  
  
  
  
Irene took a deep breath, and then knocked on Amy Madison's apartment door.  
  
The door was quickly opened. "Why, Irene, what a surprise. Come on in. I just put on a fresh pot of coffee." She smiled warmly as she ushered Irene into her cozy kitchen. Irene admired the homemade curtains and collection of salt and pepper shakers.  
  
"I've got some good news," Irene said. "I've decided to get my life in order. I'm starting Monday by visiting a counselor."  
  
"Good for you." She patted Irene's hand.  
  
"The talk we had yesterday made me realize how much I need to unload all of my emotions and put things into perspective."  
  
"Do you know what your plans are?"  
  
"Not really. I'm just going to take things one step at a time."  
  
"You'll make it, Irene. You're a true survivor." 


	13. chapter 13

Irene was relieved when she finally reached the tall, old building in the center of town. She hesitated briefly, then slowly opened the heavy door and nervously stepped into the waiting room. After asking her name, a pretty young receptionist said that the doctor would see her momentarily. She sat in a comfortable chair and nervously glanced around the room. She wondered what problems had brought the others here. There were two doctors listed. She read their names on a large sign hanging over the receptionist's desk. Dr. Jerry Feldon and Dr. Aaron Berger.  
  
A door opened next to the receptionist's desk and she watched as the doctor whispered a few words to the young woman. She observed the man's appearance. He wasn't what she'd expected. He was short and thin. A wisp of gray hair adorned the top of his otherwise bald head. He was wearing glasses, which had slipped and seemed to hang loosely on the edge of his nose. He looked at her and she quickly looked away.  
  
"Mrs. Copeland, the Doctor will see you now," the receptionist said with a smile.  
  
Irene's face reddened as she felt the other's eyes focus upon her. She stood up and awkwardly made her way to where the doctor stood. He smiled at her as he motioned her into his office. He followed her, then closed the door behind them.  
  
"Would you like a cup of coffee?" he asked as he seated himself behind a cluttered desk.  
  
"No, thank you," she answered as she surveyed the room. "No couch?"  
  
He laughed. "No couch. But I do have some very comfortable chairs," he replied as he motioned her to be seated.  
  
Irene sat and nervously clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking. "Why do you keep staring at me?" she finally asked.  
  
"I'm just evaluating you. Are you nervous?"  
  
"Yes," she admitted.  
  
"Why?"  
  
She shrugged. "I guess it's because things seem so out of control in my life."  
  
"Can you explain?"  
  
"My emotions and feelings . . . I'm drained. I gave so much of myself away that I forgot to save some for myself. And when I tried to get a little back, my husband gave me nothing." She took a deep breath. "I was patient for so long, holding on to the dream that he would change and treat me with love."  
  
"But he didn't?"  
  
"No. All I got back from him was pain and heartache."  
  
"Why didn't you get out of the relationship?"  
  
She looked into his eyes. "Because I was in love with him and I believed in my wedding vows."  
  
Irene hoped he didn't notice her shakiness. She sat slightly slouched and her shoulders were stooped. She'd definitely lost her self-esteem.  
  
"Would you mind if I called you Irene?" he asked.  
  
She shook her head. "I'd like that."  
  
He smiled. "Now tell me, why have you made this appointment to see me?"  
  
"I am having problems in my marriage and a woman named Matilda from the Domestic Violence Center gave me your card. I met her at the hospital one night."  
  
"I see." He focused his eyes on hers as he leaned back in his chair. "What is your marriage like?"  
  
"Hell," she answered. "We never should have married."  
  
"Tell me a little about your marriage."  
  
She stood up and walked over to the window. "I thought Alexander was the answer to my prayers. I was lonely and I wanted my two daughters to have a normal life with two parents. My first marriage ended in divorce and the girls had little contact with their father. I thought Alexander would love us and take care of us forever. I was looking for that special magic. Do you know what I mean?"  
  
She hoped he saw the pain in her eyes and felt her loneliness. She needed to know how to trust again. "Yes, I know what you mean."  
  
She stared out of the window. "He broke my arm."  
  
She said it in such a low voice that she wondered if Jerry Feldon heard her. Did he hear the pain in her voice? "Did he admit it?"  
  
She turned to the doctor. "You know, I really thought he would feel bad. He'd never done anything this severe before. He makes up excuses. He twists things around and puts the blame on my daughters and me. He always comes out right. He is Mr. Perfect." Her voice rose slightly. "He can hurt whomever he wants. He doesn't care. When he's done, he denies having done anything."  
  
"What are your daughters' names and ages?"  
  
"Serena is sixteen and Lita is fourteen," she answered.  
  
"Alexander sounds like a very complex man."  
  
"He is, and I really thought I could change him." She frowned. "He really needs help," she retorted bitterly.  
  
It felt invigorating to release the pent-up anger which had taken hold of her emotions. She needed to vindicate herself. It would take a lot of time and patience for her to accept what had happened to her.  
  
"What made you decide to get some help, Irene?"  
  
"I deserve a better life. My girls deserve a better life."  
  
"Do you and your husband argue frequently or once a week, once a month?"  
  
"We argue almost constantly. I don't want to, but he pushes me so hard. I can never make him happy." She ran her hand through her hair. "He blames me for all of his problems. He doesn't want me to have any friends and I feel as though I'm in prison. He constantly makes fun of me as well as everything I do. He picks on Serena and Lita." A tear slid from her eye.  
  
"Have you ever separated?"  
  
She lowered her eyes. "The girls and I stayed in a shelter for abused women and children once. I should never have gone back to him."  
  
"Why did you?"  
  
"He convinced me that it was my fault he abused me."  
  
"Do you have any idea why he could convince you that everything was your fault?"  
  
"I loved him with all of my heart." She looked into the doctor's eyes. "I need someone to love me and believe in me."  
  
"Has he been previously married?"  
  
"Yes, he has a son, Stephan. He has full custody."  
  
"How is his relationship with his son?"  
  
She frowned. "It's difficult to put into words. He loves his son, but something is wrong."  
  
"In what way?"  
  
"He acts as though the boy is two years old instead of fifteen. He's always dwelling on the fact that his son will leave him some day. He cries about it." She frowned again. "He believes his son is perfect and everybody has to bow down to him."  
  
"How does your stepson treat you?"  
  
"With little respect. We used to have a good relationship, but that's been eroded over the years."  
  
Jerry Feldon scribbled some notes on his legal pad. "You haven't officially separated, have you?"  
  
"No, but I'm working on it. I finally stood up to Alexander and told him if he touches me or the girls again, I'll have him arrested."  
  
"Good. You should never allow the abuse, Irene." He glanced at his watch. "I'd like to schedule weekly appointments, if that's all right with you?"  
  
"I don't have much money," she admitted.  
  
"Don't worry about it," he smiled. "I base my fees on what you are able to pay."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Now," he said as he pulled a piece of paper from his desk drawer. He scribbled something on it, then handed it to her. "I would like you to write down what this word means to you. It can be one sentence or one hundred. I want to feel your emotions expressed as you think about this word."  
  
Irene looked at the word. "Depression," she read.  
  
"I know it probably sounds strange, but I may give you these exercises from time to time."  
  
"All right."  
  
"Just remember, Irene, no one has the right to abuse you."  
  
She smiled. "Thank you, Doctor." 


	14. chapter 14

Irene slipped into the pew next to Alexander. Lita, Serena, followed her and then Stephan Alexander turned and gave her a bright smile. He laid his hand over hers.  
  
Irene tried to keep her mind on the service, but her thoughts soon wandered. Alexander was so loving every Sunday morning when they sat in church together, but the minute they returned home, he became his normal abusive self. Sometimes as she sat in church with her husband and family surrounding her, she prayed something would touch Alexander's heart. She hoped he would confess all of his cruel treatment of her, truly repent and become the loving, warm husband that she knew he was capable of being.  
  
She turned her head slightly and looked at her husband. Alexander turned his head and gave her a brilliant smile as he squeezed her hand.  
  
Irene turned her attention back to the sermon. Pastor Walker talked animatedly about evil doings, hidden sins. She wondered how Alexander could sit so serenely and every now and then mutter an Amen. Didn't he see himself in the message? Didn't he realize he was hiding his own sin? She sighed deeply as she turned to her Bible page to the scripture from which Pastor Walker was now quoting. She continued through the remainder of the service wrapped in her own dark, brooding thoughts.  
  
"Nice to see you," Alexander greeted several people. Irene did her share of nodding, smiling and hand shaking.  
  
When they reached the exit, Pastor Walker shook Alexander's hand heartily, and then greeted the children. When he got to Irene he gave her a long, hard look, then said, "I will be stopping over Monday evening for a visit with you and your family."  
  
Irene smiled politely, wondering what Alexander was up to now.  
  
  
  
"Mom, I'd like you to meet Morrison Baker," Lita said.  
  
Irene looked up from the book she was reading. "Hi, Morrison. Lita tells me you just moved here from California."  
  
"Yes. My father got a promotion and the move was part of the package." He smiled.  
  
Irene observed his golden blond hair and bronzed muscular body. His build was beyond his years compared to the boys that Lita normally dated. "Did she warn you about the cold winters?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, but I'm looking forward to the snow. All I ever saw was in the movies or TV." He laughed. "I can't wait to build my first snowman."  
  
Irene joined his and Lita's laughter. "So what do you two have planned for this evening?"  
  
"We're going to the movies. Darien and Serena might go with us," Lita answered.  
  
"Good."  
  
"We're gonna go get something to eat."  
  
"Okay," Irene replied.  
  
Irene walked into the living room where Darien and Serena sat on the couch, holding hands.  
  
"Hi, Mom."  
  
"Hi, yourself," she teased. "So, I hear you and Darien are double- dating tonight."  
  
"We thought we'd give Lita a break."  
  
Irene raised her eyebrows in question.  
  
"You know how it is, Mom. It's tough on the first real date."  
  
"It doesn't look to me like Lita's having any trouble."  
  
Serena laughed. "Well he is cute."  
  
Darien playfully poked her in the ribs. "Hey!"  
  
"But not cuter than you," she quickly added.  
  
Irene laughed. "I think I'll read some more."  
  
"What are you going to do tonight, Mom?"  
  
Irene sensed the worry in her daughter's eyes. "I am going to relax for a while, then go back to my writing. I've put it off for far too long."  
  
"What about Alexander?"  
  
"I have no idea what time he and Stephan will be home." She patted her daughter's shoulder. "He's not going to hurt us anymore, Serena."  
  
"I know, but I'll just be glad when he doesn't live with us anymore."  
  
Irene looked at Darien. She sensed his uneasiness. "I'm sure Serena 's told you what's been going on," she said softly.  
  
"I feel bad for you, Mrs. Copeland," he replied awkwardly.  
  
Irene gave him a warm smile. "I'm just grateful you were there for Serena, Darien. And I want you to know that I have always trusted you with my daughter."  
  
Darien's face reddened. "Thank you, Mrs. Copeland."  
  
  
  
Irene sat intently writing in a notebook. She jumped when a shadow fell over her notebook. She instantly looked up. Alexander stood smiling down at her. He held a steaming cup of coffee in his hands. "I thought you could use this."  
  
"Thank you." She smiled back at him. "I think my novel is finally coming together."  
  
"What's it about?"  
  
"My life."  
  
"Oh." He pulled up a chair and sat down next to her. "Can I fix you a sandwich or anything?"  
  
"No, thanks." She looked intently at him.  
  
"What?" he asked gently.  
  
She inhaled deeply. "Oh, I was just thinking that it's too bad that we can't get along like this all the time."  
  
"But we can. Just give me one more chance," he pleaded. "I promise to make it up to you."  
  
She eyed him warily. "Why is Pastor Walker paying us a visit tomorrow night?"  
  
He hesitated briefly before answering. "He just wants to see how we're getting along. He hasn't been over in awhile."  
  
"Okay, I was just curious."  
  
"You don't believe me?" He sounded surprised.  
  
"Alexander, I never know what your motives are anymore." She looked down at the steaming cup of coffee. "I wish I could give you what you want, Alexander, but I can't. I'm totally drained."  
  
"I could make you feel better," he said in a husky voice as he winked at her.  
  
"Where's Stephan?" she asked.  
  
"At George Wilbur's house," he answered quickly, taking her question as an acceptance to his proposition. He stood up and reached for her hands.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"We have the whole place to ourselves. We just need to get back on track."  
  
"No, Alexander," she said firmly, but almost apologetically. "We have sex, but no love. Afterwards you go right back to abusing me. I feel used by you."  
  
"Not this time, babe. I've changed."  
  
She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I can't. Not anymore."  
  
His eyes flashed angrily. "You think you're so great, but you're not! Who needs you anyway?" He turned, and then stomped out of the room. 


	15. chapter 15

Irene set a platter of cookies on the table. "Would you like some more coffee, Pastor?"  
  
"No, thank you, Irene." He studied her for a few seconds, then picked up his Bible and quoted a scripture. He looked hard at her. "As a wife, you have certain Godly duties. Many women today do not like the word submission. They tend to feel they are being put down. But God clearly shows us that woman was made for man and man is head of the woman and head of his household. Do you understand?"  
  
Irene glanced at Alexander, who was emphatically nodding his head with every word the pastor spoke. She was seething inside.  
  
"Yes, I understand," she answered, "but God also commanded the husband to love his wife as Jesus so loved the church. And I do not think God said that a man has the right to verbally and physically abuse his wife."  
  
"That's true, Irene, but we all have our human frailties. I'm sure if you fulfilled your duties as a wife, then Alexander would not be frustrated as a husband."  
  
"I don't believe you have the whole picture, Pastor. I did everything humanly possible to please my husband. I didn't deserve what he did to me. He had no right." Her voice was firm. "And he had no right to abuse my daughters."  
  
"Yes, Irene, but you are missing the whole point. Alexander is trying to mold you into the godly image of the Lord. When you resist him, you just make his job harder. And you set yourself up to face some dire consequences on Judgment Day. Your husband has told me over and over that he has forgiven you for all of your sins."  
  
Irene turned to Alexander. "More lies, Alexander?" Her voice was icy. "You can say whatever you like, but you will never convince me that you were ever doing the things you did for God. The God I know and love would never condone what you've done. You should feel proud of yourself."  
  
"Irene, this is getting us nowhere. As your Pastor, I have to listen to both sides objectively. But all I am getting from your side is pent-up hostility toward your husband."  
  
"I'm sorry, Pastor," Alexander choked. "I really love my wife, but now you see what I am up against."  
  
Irene saw the tears in his eyes and knew it was just an act. She looked at Pastor Walker, and from the look on his face, it was evident he'd bought into it. "Pastor, I don't think you can help us. The only hope is if and when Alexander decides to tell the truth. Until he does, no one can help us."  
  
"But, Irene, look at him. He is your husband. He is obviously suffering in a deep emotional pain."  
  
"What about me, Pastor? What about my kids? Who cared about our suffering? I know you saw fresh bruises on my body Sunday after Sunday. You looked the other way. And my arm--when you asked about it, Alexander told you another lie." Her eyes grew angry. "Did he tell you how he kept twisting it even though I pleaded with him to stop? Did he tell you how he kept twisting it until he broke it, then refused me medical help until my daughter threatened to call the police?"  
  
Alexander sat on the sofa with his hands covering his face. "It's all lies, Pastor Walker, all lies. She needs help!" he moaned.  
  
"Irene, I can recommend a very good psychiatrist for you. There is no shame. The shame is not getting the help you obviously need." His voice was fatherly.  
  
"Pastor, don't patronize me. You can talk to my daughters, or the neighbors."  
  
"I've spoken to Stephan and he said you're always mistreating him and his father."  
  
Irene laughed. "What did you expect him to say? Alexander buys him off!" She threw her hands up in exasperation.  
  
"See what I mean?" Alexander said. "Once her anger starts, my boy and I will be in for a terrible night."  
  
"Give me a break, Alexander. All I want to do is go to bed and sleep." She looked at Pastor Walker. "I'm seeing a counselor on my own. Alexander refused to go with me, so I'm doing it for myself. I'm doing what I know God wants me to do for my daughters and myself. I don't think we have anything further to discuss. I'll see you next Sunday in church." She walked out of the room.  
  
Jerry Feldon intently listened to Irene's rendition of the previous evening. "I think you did the best thing, Irene."  
  
"I could've told him all the people he could contact who would tell him about Alexander's abusive behavior, but I saw no point. He was as hard as nails."  
  
"You seem to be handling it well."  
  
"It's not easy. I'm furious to think that Alexander would try to get me into bed one night and the next spread more lies about me. But I know my anger isn't the answer. It will only destroy me if I let it."  
  
"That's right. You seem to have it under control." He was thoughtful for a moment, and then asked, "How are the girls?"  
  
"They're more relaxed since I told them I'm working on a way to financially be able to afford to make it on our own."  
  
"Good. I think you're headed in the right direction. Maybe someday Alexander will realize his need for professional help."  
  
"I don't hate him, Dr. Feldon."  
  
Irene's remark seemed to take the doctor by surprise, but it was important for her to let him know she wasn't a vicious person.  
  
"I know that, Irene." He smiled warmly. "But sometimes we have to learn to let go of things . . . or people who will only harm us."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"I gave you an assignment. Did you have a chance to work on it?"  
  
"Yes." She removed the papers from her purse and handed them to him. "I think I really got in touch with my emotions over the weekend."  
  
He took the papers and briefly skimmed the neatly typewritten pages. "Would you mind if I read this aloud?" he asked.  
  
She shook her head.  
  
He put on his reading glasses, and then began to read slowly.  
  
  
  
Depression, which can be caused by many forms of abuse such as verbal, emotional, mental, or physical, is, in my opinion, one of the most debilitating diseases we humans have in our society. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it and leaves in its path destruction and emptiness. It has no promise, no hope, only failure and despair. It doesn't happen overnight, but creeps out of the day--like a friend embracing you and only after you are fully enveloped in its warmth do you begin to feel the cold, clammy claws of darkness. It breathes all of your hopes, dreams, and ambitions into its own ugliness, and then leaves you crumbled and alone. No one can reach in and undo the damage. You have to begin the silent battle back into the sunlight. But you wonder if the battle is worth it, for the blackness has convinced you that it is not. You see it in the faces of those you once trusted. The pain squeezes around your heart until you feel you will suffocate from its tight grasp. You retreat into the recesses of your mind where no one can touch you. You long to be like a baby in its mother's womb, protected and safe, but pressures of everyday life invade your security. In the distance you can see the evil smirk of depression. You want to run, but there is nowhere to go. Your once safe retreat inside yourself has now also deceived you. You cannot escape. There is no hope. There is only the cold evil pit of darkness waiting to engulf you.  
  
  
  
Jerry Feldon removed his glasses, and then stared intently at Irene for a few seconds. "That's very overwhelming," he said. "You poured all of your emotions into this piece."  
  
She nodded slowly.  
  
"Do you still feel this overwhelming sense of emptiness?"  
  
"No. Now that I've finally made the decision to leave Alexander, I feel elated, like the chains have been thrown off me." She smiled brightly. "I feel freer than ever."  
  
"Good." He glanced at the papers in his hand, and then turned his attention to her once again. "Do you write? This doesn't sound like an amateur piece to me." He saw Irene's eyes brighten.  
  
"I love writing. I always have, but no one has ever taken me seriously."  
  
"How about Alexander?"  
  
Her eyes clouded. "He thinks it's a joke. He destroyed some of my work and accused me of wasting money on paper and postage."  
  
"You have a right to your dream, Irene."  
  
"I truly believe that someday it will be more than just a dream." Her voice was animated. "It's all I ever wanted to do." She lowered her eyes. "But almost everyone I've ever known thinks it's a joke."  
  
"What matters, Irene, is that it's your dream. And from what I've read here, you have a definite gift with words."  
  
"Thank you, Dr. Feldon." She grinned.  
  
"Now I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you can tell me as much or as little as you like. Due to time restrictions, we will further evaluate your answers in future sessions."  
  
"Okay, but why not do it step by step?" she asked.  
  
"I feel that your answers today will allow me to review your answers at my leisure. Trust me. I know what I'm doing." He laughed.  
  
Irene smiled. "Okay, I'll do my best."  
  
"Would you mind if I use a tape recorder? It'll be quicker than my trying to write your answers down."  
  
"Sure," she replied.  
  
He flicked on the recorder. "Do you blame any outside interference for the problems with your husband?"  
  
"Yes. Alexander's mother constantly belittled my daughters and me. I tried to deal with it, but it's hard to be blamed for things you never did. I tried to be accepted by her, but she would never allow any closeness between us."  
  
"Did Alexander ever suppress your needs?"  
  
"Yes, he could be very selfish at times. He took all of our wedding gift money and spent it on a club membership for himself. He drained my savings and kept his own. He wasn't just selfish with money, but also with his attention and time. I felt ignored so many times. And my point of view on any topic was unwanted and disregarded. The only point of view that he would consider was his own or his mother's."  
  
"Did he have trouble adjusting to you and your daughters after your marriage?"  
  
"He sure did. He'd tell me that he was the only one who could put the groceries away because I wouldn't do it right. And he would criticize my cooking by saying things like, 'My mother cooks it this way and I will only eat it the way she cooks it'. I always felt as though his mother was lurking in the shadows."  
  
"Did he ever try to shrug off his problems by blaming you for causing them?"  
  
"Yes, he always said I needed help. He said he was the only one who knew my needs. His answer to any problem was that I needed help." She sighed. "He thought anything I needed was foolish."  
  
"Did you ever reach a point where you felt it just wasn't worth the battle trying to communicate with him?"  
  
"Yes. I began to isolate myself from him. He totally dominated me. He wouldn't listen to me when I asked him to speak to his mother about her poor treatment of me. I didn't want him to cut off his relationship with her; I wanted to be accepted and not lied about. But Alexander always defended his mother and blamed me for her ill treatment. He said I was an unforgiving person. It really hurt me that his mother could say whatever she wanted to about me and I wasn't even allowed to defend myself. He accused me of hating his mother, which I don't. It seemed like his mother was his wife. I was never the proper priority in his life."  
  
"How were things after you and your daughters were settled in with him and his son for a while?"  
  
"He spent most of his free time at sporting events. When he was home, he'd spend hours on the phone with his mother and some young woman who was going through a bad marriage. She was a long time friend of his family, and I found out later by his mother's own admission that she was trying to set him up with this woman. I told Alexander he was ignoring me, that I needed him, but he accused me of being selfish and trying to control his life."  
  
"Did he begin to give you more time to blend as a family?"  
  
She sighed tiredly. "No. I saw less and less of him. I'd look forward to each weekend, hoping to have some time with him, but he never wanted to be alone with me unless it was for sex. I was so lonely. Lonelier than I had ever been in my life. I was so far down on his list of priorities. I came after his personal fun, his mother, his son, his family, his job, and his church obligations. By the time he got to me, there was nothing more he could give me. He was used up. And it hurt." Her eyes brimmed with tears.  
  
"Let's take a short break, Irene," Jerry Feldon said as he clicked off the recorder. "I'll get you a cup of coffee, then we'll continue." 


	16. chapter 16

Irene held the steaming cup in her hands. She suddenly felt exhausted. She hadn't prepared herself for how emotionally draining this would be, going through the recesses of her mind and dredging up all of her painful memories.  
  
Jerry Feldon saw the pain in her eyes. "Do you want to save the rest for another session?" he asked softly.  
  
Irene took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. "No, I'd rather get through this today."  
  
"Okay." He clicked the tape recorder back on. "What things besides physical and verbal would your husband do to you?"  
  
"He would destroy gifts I gave him or he would say I didn't deserve a card or gift for Valentine's Day, but he would give one to his son and his mother. If I told him I was hurt, he'd accuse me of being selfish."  
  
"Did Alexander complain about your appearance or the way you raised the children?"  
  
She laughed. "According to Alexander, he had no faults. He always made fun of the way I looked. He constantly complained about my weight even though I'm far from overweight. I could've told him he was putting on weight, which he was, but I wasn't raised to deliberately hurt someone just to get even. He spread rumors that I was an unfit mother. And one time he borrowed money from his mother to get a lawyer so he could get the girls and me out of the apartment. We separated for a while, and then he said he was sorry and we got back together, but things have been getting progressively worse. His brother tried to have him committed at one time until his mother intervened."  
  
"Why did his brother want him committed?"  
  
"For his violent behavior. But his mother said I was the one who brought out the violence in him, so his brother rescinded."  
  
"What type of reputation does his brother have?"  
  
"I found out that several years ago he was institutionalized because of drug abuse. He never holds a steady job; he moves around a lot, owing bills and writing bad checks."  
  
"Did Alexander allow you to have anything separate from him, such as a hobby?"  
  
"No, he made fun of anything I wanted to do. When he was home, I was supposed to devote myself entirely to him. I told you how he felt about my writing aspirations."  
  
"Did you ever try to get him to sit down and discuss your problems like two rational adults?"  
  
"All the time." She sighed. "He'd ignore me. Then he would go to his family or co-workers and blame me for all of our problems. I had to get his permission for anything I wanted to do, but he could do as he pleased when he pleased. Sometimes he acted like he wanted to do something special, so I'd plan on it and be excited, then he would pull the rug out from under me and say he had other plans. He was always making a fool out of me."  
  
"What is your definition of love, Irene?"  
  
She was thoughtful for a moment. "To me love does not hurt; it rejoices with truth. Love means wanting to take care of someone who is special to you, wanting to make that person happy."  
  
"Would his moods change suddenly from calm to explosive?"  
  
"Gradually it came to this. We'd sit at the dinner table or watch TV, and he would suddenly accuse me of thinking bad things about him or planning some evil deed against him. I couldn't seem to convince him that it was all in his mind."  
  
"Do you believe that your husband spreads lies about you to make himself look good?"  
  
"Yes. He's told me on more than one occasion that he had to defend me to someone. I told him he shouldn't have to defend me because I haven't done anything wrong." She took a sip of her coffee. "I think he really wanted me to believe that I was this terrible person so I would only lean on him. He wanted me to believe I was unworthy of anyone's love."  
  
"Irene, tell me one specific event that convinced you Alexander didn't care about your needs." He studied her facial expression and was surprised that she had an answer so quickly.  
  
"That's easy. My mother's funeral. He refused to comfort me and said I didn't deserve any sympathy." Her eyes filled with tears. "He accused me of caring more about my mother than him. I couldn't believe it!" A tear fell from her eye. "How could he be so self-centered? He refused to allow me to mourn my mother!"  
  
Jerry Feldon handed her a tissue. "Would you like to stop?" His voice was compassionate.  
  
"No," she sniffed, "I need to get through this."  
  
"Has Alexander ever committed adultery?"  
  
"Not that I know of. But he spends a lot of time with an ex- girlfriend. He says they're just friends, but he's never allowed me to meet her."  
  
"Why do you think that is?"  
  
"I don't know. I used to get jealous, but after a while, I just didn't care anymore. I got used to him comforting and showing compassion for everyone else while I had to beg for just one kind word."  
  
"Does Alexander ever show any remorse for what he does to you?"  
  
"No, he denies doing anything. He calls them accidents because of my supposed clumsiness. It's the same thing when he has a problem. If I try to give him advice, he tells me I'm stupid and don't know anything. Then he'll go to others for advice. He never thinks my opinion is good enough. Then he'll bring up the submission thing. One time we were on a vacation and he made me ride in the back seat for six hours because I couldn't read the road map. He said his son could read the map, so he told him to ride up front. Well, it turned out that his son had never read a road map. I told him I was his wife and he shouldn't humiliate me in front of the children by making me ride in the back seat, but he said that was where I belonged." Irene stood up and walked over to the window. "I wish he'd really see what he's done to me. It's easier for me to take the abuse and keep the hurt and pain inside, because he always yells at me and calls me a troublemaker if I say anything to him. His mother told Stephan that she would do everything in her power to destroy me." She let her breath out slowly.  
  
Jerry Feldon stared intently at her. "Is there anything else you'd like to add?"  
  
"I really feel the need to get this out of my system. I've held it in too long."  
  
"Just let me know when you want to stop," he said softly.  
  
She nodded. "Do you remember how it is when you first get to know someone and you share confidences?" She looked at the doctor.  
  
"Yes," he answered.  
  
She lowered her eyes. "Well, everything I ever told him he told his mother. I couldn't believe it. It felt like he ripped my heart out. He has no respect for me. I feel my relationship with him is hopeless. I've gotten to the point where I don't even care to talk to him anymore. What's the point? He's always right and I'm always wrong. And he misinterprets everything I say, or my tone of voice. Then he says he knows what I'm thinking. He just doesn't want anyone to think anything good about me." She walked back to her chair and sat down. "The more I focus on his manipulation, the more I see what he's done to me. It's like I was blind and now my eyes are finally open." She finished her coffee. "He always justifies his actions and motives. Marriage really means nothing to him. I don't even think he knows what love is. I can't stand his lies anymore."  
  
Jerry Feldon watched her as she unburdened her soul. She poured out all of her hurt and anger as each incident entered her mind. He decided to let her continue. She needed this cleansing. He knew by the way her face would contort that it was painful for her. But in the end this was the only way she would begin her healing process in order to become whole again.  
  
Her jaw was tight. "He had no right to hurt me or my girls. One time he left us with no money, food, or transportation. My support check was late and I was so scared. I felt like such a failure. I wanted my girls to have better than that. I met him in the church the girls and I had been attending." She shook her head. "I dated him for two years. And now I realize that I never knew him at all." She smiled ruefully. "I used to be so happy and full of life, but now I feel twice my age."  
  
"What was your wedding like, Irene?"  
  
She laughed. "You wouldn't believe it. I never got to plan one part of it. Alexander and his mother made all of the arrangements. I tried to tell him what I would like, and as the bride I should have a say in my own wedding. But he got angry." She quickly blinked her eyes. "He beat me so severely that I had to wear a different dress so no one would see my bruises."  
  
Jerry Feldon sighed heavily. He tried to imagine how anyone could be put through so much abuse and still come out mentally unscathed.  
  
"My mother didn't attend my wedding."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I didn't find out until some time later that Alexander's mother had insulted her and said some belittling things about me. My mother thought that under the circumstances it would be better if she stayed away. She didn't want a confrontation with Alexander's mother."  
  
"How would you describe your mother-in-law?"  
  
"Cold. She has ice water in her veins."  
  
The doctor saw the pain in her eyes and from the way Irene had spoken, he didn't take her statement as being vengeful. The look in her eyes showed him the pain her mother-in-law had caused her. "What you're saying is that no matter what she said, that was the final decision?"  
  
"Yes, her word was the final authority. Like I said, it's like she is his wife, not me. He has his priorities screwed up. I don't believe he can be committed to anyone because he's always seeking to please his mother and fulfill her desires. He can't seem to break the bond. She's always been in the middle of our marriage bed."  
  
"Do you see much of her?"  
  
"No. I couldn't stand her mistreatment, so I stopped visiting her. I told Alexander that I didn't care how much he visits her, but I refuse to go to her house and be totally ignored. She talks about me in front of my face while my husband just stands there and says nothing. Then when we would get home he would accuse me of being rude to her."  
  
"Does she visit your home?" he asked.  
  
"Not when I'm there. She told Alexander that she would never come to his home if I or the girls were there." She ran her hand through her hair. "I'm sick and tired of rejection and being hurt over and over."  
  
"Do you ever feel like you want to get even with Alexander and his family for all of the pain they have inflicted upon you?" He eyed her closely.  
  
"No, I don't want revenge. I have forgiven Alexander and his family."  
  
"Are you very religious, Irene?"  
  
"I'm a Christian and I receive comfort from reading my Bible and studying scripture."  
  
He noticed the light in her eyes. "I'm a Christian, too, Irene, and that's why my job can be difficult at times.  
  
"I know I'll get past all the pain from this relationship. But, realistically, I know I won't heal overnight and when I do leave Alexander, there will be many obstacles I'll have to face. But I've always been a survivor. I'll weather this storm, too." She smiled.  
  
"Do you feel used, Irene?"  
  
She was silent for a moment, and then answered, "Yes, I think I've always felt used by Alexander. I know I was wrong for taking the abuse from him, his son, and his family. It's been like living in the Twilight Zone."  
  
"Before we close this session for today, Irene, sum up for me what you're feeling right at this moment."  
  
She took a deep breath, and then slowly let it out. "Well, I'm probably at the lowest point in my life emotionally, but at the highest spiritually. It only takes one person to strip away your foundation, but I know the Lord is holding me up now. He is my rock; He is my strength; He is my hope. I can accomplish all of my goals as long as I let Him guide me."  
  
"You spend a lot of time alone, don't you?"  
  
"Yes, but I've finally made a friend in the apartment building I live in. Alexander didn't allow me to have any friends before." She smiled brightly. "The future used to loom ahead, scary and frightening, and I used to feel so tired and sapped of any energy. But now I have hope."  
  
Jerry Feldon turned off the tape recorder. "We've covered a lot of ground today, Irene." He smiled warmly at her. "How do you feel reliving all of these emotions?"  
  
"Like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders."  
  
"Good." He stood up. "I'll see you next week, then. But remember, call if you need anything."  
  
"Thank you, Dr. Feldon." 


	17. chapter 17

Irene waited until everyone was seated around the kitchen table before speaking.  
  
"Irene, this had better be good," Alexander warned. "I only agreed to have this ridiculous meeting to show you and the kids that I'm trying very hard to keep this family together."  
  
"I've got things to do, Dad," Stephan pouted. "I don't see why I have to be here." He glanced at Irene, then back to his father. "She's probably gonna start it again. Remember what Gramma said."  
  
"What did your mother say, Alexander?" Irene asked in a calm voice.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Alexander, this is part of our problem. If you have to hide things from me, then there's no sense in even having this meeting."  
  
His eyes flashed angrily. "Look, my mother sees right through you! You're deliberately trying to get me to lose my temper." His jaw tightened. "Its not going to work, lady! I am the head of this house and you can shove your meeting!"  
  
Irene looked at Serena and Lita, who quietly listened to the exchange. "Before I met you, Alexander, the girls and I had frequent family meetings. It's part of our bonding process."  
  
Stephan snickered. "Gramma's right, Dad. They're a bunch of nuts!"  
  
"I will no longer tolerate you using that tone with me or making fun of me, Stephan," Irene said sharply.  
  
"Shove it!" he snarled.  
  
"You make me sick, Stephan You're nothing but a wimp who runs to Daddy the way your father runs to his Mommy. Why don't you both grow up!" Lita snapped.  
  
"Do you think you're big enough to make me?"  
  
"Oh, that's great! I wonder how everyone at school would like to know that you beat up girls," Serena warned. "You're just like your father!"  
  
"That's enough! You two ungrateful bitches apologize to my son right now!"  
  
Lita laughed. "Apologize to him?" She rolled her eyes, and then turned sharply toward her stepfather. "You should be the one to apologize to us for all the unfair punishments and slamming us around!"  
  
"You're a liar!" Alexander thundered. "You and your sister need help!"  
  
"Mom, since this is going nowhere, can I please go now? I want to call Morrison and find out what's on for tomorrow."  
  
"Okay, honey." Irene smiled at her. Lita rose from the table, and as she headed toward the door Alexander roughly grabbed her arm.  
  
"Where do you think you're going? Your month isn't up!"  
  
"Let go of me!"  
  
He squeezed harder. Lita winced.  
  
"Mom!"  
  
"Alexander, let go of her!" Irene demanded.  
  
He released her, and Lita ran from the room. Alexander stood as though frozen for a few seconds, and then slowly let his breath out as he fixed his attention on his wife. "How dare you undermine my authority!" he hissed. He slapped her across the face.  
  
Irene's hand flew to her burning cheek. She stared contemptuously at him. "I warned you what I would do if you ever touched me again."  
  
"Don't threaten me!"  
  
Serena ran to her mother's side. "Don't you touch my mother again!"  
  
"She asked for it," Stephan said with a laugh in his voice.  
  
Irene looked at her stepson with pity. It really wasn't his fault. Alexander would have to live with the consequences of his upbringing. She could see what his future would be like and the abuse some woman would undeservedly endure.  
  
"Get out!" Irene firmly said.  
  
"What?" Alexander sneered.  
  
She met his eyes evenly. "You heard me. I've had enough." She took the wedding band from her finger and laid it on the table without taking her eyes from his. "It's over, Alexander. I will never, and I repeat never, allow myself or my daughters to ever again live this way."  
  
"Don't you dare threaten me!" His eyes darted back and forth. "You put that ring back on. I'll call Pastor Walker and ask him to come over. He'll calm you down."  
  
"No. I won't attend that church ever again. I don't know what you told Pastor Walker and I don't care. I will no longer listen to his twisted preaching."  
  
"You need help, Irene." He looked at Serena. "You know that your mother needs help. Why do you keep defending her?"  
  
Serena slowly shook her head. "I feel sorry for you, Alexander, because you have to live with yourself."  
  
"My Dad never had any problems until we met you guys," Stephan said.  
  
"Stephan, deep down you know that's a lie," Serena said calmly. "If your father is such a great guy, then why are you so screwed up?"  
  
Stephan raised his fist.  
  
"Go ahead," Serena said calmly. "What if I call Darien? Let's see you raise your fist to him. But you won't. You're just like your father. You only know how to beat women. It makes you feel good." She stared at him. "But remember, I'm not afraid of you. It only shows what a wimp you really are."  
  
"You wait," Stephan warned. "Some day you're gonna get it when you least expect it."  
  
Serena laughed. "I'm shaking."  
  
"Knock it off!" Alexander yelled. "See what you've done!" he accused, looking at Irene. "Now you've got them fighting."  
  
"No, Alexander, you do because you've never taught your son respect for anyone," Irene answered.  
  
Alexander slapped her, bringing everyone's eyes to his. "Look, I didn't mean to slap you. You just provoked me."  
  
"Like all the other times? The cut, scratches, bruises, broken collar bone?" She looked at her arm. "And this?"  
  
"They were accidents, Irene. You know that." His voice was calmer now.  
  
"No, Alexander, they were acts of violence. Acts I never should have allowed. I was wrong to let you hurt me." Tears filled her eyes. "I loved you so much! I thought I could change you. I was wrong, because you have to want to change on your own." She looked into his eyes. "I don't dislike you, Alexander, but I don't love you either. You've destroyed any love I ever felt for you."  
  
"Irene, we can get through this. I'll change," he said desperately.  
  
"It's the same tired old promises, Alexander."  
  
"I'll do whatever you ask," he pleaded.  
  
"Go. I refuse to live with you any longer." 


	18. chapter 18

"So what happened?" Darien asked.  
  
"I was really scared, but I didn't want Alexander to know. He would always feed on our fears and my mom wasn't scared of him anymore. I was so proud of the way she finally stood up to him." She grabbed Darien's hand. "He packed some suitcases and he and Stephan left."  
  
"So what's gonna happen now?"  
  
She smiled. "Mom promised me and Lita that she's finally finished with him."  
  
Darien took a deep breath. "Yeah, but didn't she say that before?"  
  
"I know, but this time she's serious. I know she won't take him back."  
  
"What makes you so sure?" he asked.  
  
"He slapped her again."  
  
"Well, I'm glad I won't have to worry about you with that lunatic any more." He kissed her cheek.  
  
"I'm just thankful I had you to lean on."  
  
"You'll always have me, Serena." He grinned. "Whether you want me or not."  
  
  
  
Morrison smiled. "Sometimes I don't know what is worse--living with two parents who are always fighting, or them living apart and having to be in the middle of their power play."  
  
"Is it really bad?" Lita asked softly.  
  
"It can be at times." He picked up his carton of milk, drained it, and then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "My mom started running around with this tennis pro." He shook his head. "But they had problems way before that. Dad wasn't exactly innocent himself." He sighed. "They both tried to get me and Lisa to spy for them on each other. It was hell. Then Dad got this promotion and he thought maybe they could put their marriage back together if we moved here, but Mom refused. She didn't even put up a fight for custody."  
  
Lita saw the hurt in his eyes. "Do you hear from her much?"  
  
"Yeah, she's good about writing every week, and Lisa and I might fly out next Christmas."  
  
"I'll miss you."  
  
He looked into her big clear eyes. "I really like you, Lita. You're different from the girls in California."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I don't know--they're kinda phony. I mean it's like you don't really get to know anything about anyone. People I hung out with were so shallow. This one girl I thought was my girl and the next night she's with someone else."  
  
"I hate when people do that," Lita said. "If I'm with someone, I don't look at another guy. Both people should know when the relationship is over. I had a guy who dumped me once and I didn't even know I was dumped until the next day in school."  
  
"I don't know why anyone would dump you, Lita. You're fun to be with and really pretty."  
  
Lita blushed. "Thanks." She smiled up at him. "There's something I've been wanting to ask you, but I don't want you to be mad at me."  
  
"What?"  
  
She smiled sheepishly. "How did you get the name Morrison?"  
  
"Come on baby, light my fire," he sang.  
  
She squealed. "Jim Morrison! I have most of his tapes. He was so cool!"  
  
"Yeah, my parents were kinda like 70's hippies and a Morrison song happened to be playing on their tape deck the night I was conceived." His face reddened. "Even though it was 1977, they were still in the sixties." He laughed.  
  
"You're a year older than me?"  
  
"Yeah, I got held back a year in eighth grade. That was a rough year." He frowned. "My parents were fighting constantly and it was hard to concentrate in school, so I sorta bombed out that year."  
  
"I'm glad you did, or I might not have met you."  
  
He took her hand in his, as he looked deep into her eyes. "I definitely would've found you, Lita. You're one of a kind. I just like being around you."  
  
She squeezed his hand.  
  
Mrs. Moseman handed Irene a stack of papers. "If you have any problem getting aid, let me know."  
  
"I just want my girls to be okay through this. I've explained to them that financially things are going to be tough for a while."  
  
"I'm sure they'll adjust, Mrs. Copeland. In my meetings with them, their number one concern has always been for your safety."  
  
"I remember the fun we used to have before I met my husband. We had so many special times together."  
  
"I know you did. The girls told me. You three would take long walks and talk and laugh."  
  
She smiled with the memory. "Lita was always in so many activities. Sometimes it would be pretty hectic scheduling everything, but I wouldn't trade those times for anything. Unfortunately, my husband tried to tear our foundation from under us. He may have shaken it, but our feelings for each other would never let it crumble."  
  
"I can see that," she said. "But I know that nothing can destroy the bond you and your daughters share."  
  
"I know that deep down." She looked into Mrs. Moseman's caring eyes. "I'm worried about Stephan, though."  
  
"He'll be closely watched," she assured Irene. "His father has been informed of the consequences of Stephan's behavior." She shook her head. "It's a sad situation because his father refuses to believe any allegations about his son."  
  
"I know. I've tried to talk to Stephan, but my husband accused me of picking on him."  
  
"Well, Mrs. Copeland, I wish you luck and I'm sure your daughters are going to be much happier. They are excited and happy. I can already see the peace in them."  
  
"I can, too." She stood up. "Thank you for all of your help, Mrs. Moseman."  
  
"You're welcome. Just remember, I'm here whenever you need someone to talk to." 


	19. chapter 19

Jerry Feldon observed her closely. "Tell me what you're feeling, Irene."  
  
She inhaled deeply. "Excited, scared, happy, sad--all sorts of emotions jumbled together."  
  
"That's to be expected. How are you and the girls adjusting?"  
  
"Good." She smiled brightly. "We may be poor, but we're having so much fun together. It feels great to do what we want without having to look over our shoulders in fear." Her voice grew serious. "And it feels great not to be someone's punching bag."  
  
"Even though you've had a bad marriage, Irene, usually both parties still hurt when the divorce actually becomes a reality. It is easy to feel like a failure, and after several months, convince yourself that maybe you should give him another chance. I know your self-esteem has improved, but Alexander has a way of talking his way back into your good graces from all you've told me."  
  
She shook her head firmly. "Not this time. My girls mean too much to me. If I let Alexander back into our lives, they'd lose all respect for me."  
  
"What about the lonely nights?"  
  
"I have my writing, and I'm determined to succeed. The girls are very encouraging to me, and they read and edit my material. I like my space and my freedom." She stared into his eyes. "Sometimes I feel the loneliness of not having someone beside me at night, but I quickly remind myself of what he's done to me and my daughters."  
  
He studied her appearance. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, and her hair hung loosely around her shoulders. She had the confidence and the drive to make it through just about anything; she was a survivor. She seemed to be deep in thought. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.  
  
She shrugged. "I guess there are a lot of things I really don't understand. It takes two people to make a marriage. They both recite their vows, but it only takes one person to really honor those same vows. You can't make the other person do his part. Sometimes it's so hard to let go of the pain and hurt that person can inflict upon you. Your whole sense of worth can be totally destroyed with just a few carelessly spoken words. Marriage is supposed to mean sharing everything, but how can a man who calls himself a Chistian tell his wife that he owes her nothing, and when she has to beg for whatever tidbits he throws her, reduces her to feeling like she's the scum of the earth? Alexander never fulfilled his vows. It took me a long time to face that. He felt manly seeing my pain and tears. Those made him feel like a man's man. He'd throw insult after insult at me until I was a crumbled mass lying there with my heart exposed--wounded and raw."  
  
"I'm pleased you can express the pain he caused you, Irene." His voice was soft.  
  
"It's a good learning experience. I see now how easy it was to become trapped while I slowly let Alexander steal away the strongest part of me to fulfill the weakest part of him. I could never feel secure with him again. Sometimes I think his mental abuse was the worse. He was like a vulture waiting for me to let my guard down, then he'd swoop down, hurling more venom than you could ever imagine. This was love to Alexander." She took a deep breath. "I know it'll take me a long time to undo all the damage he has done, but I'll make it." She flashed him a bright smile.  
  
He smiled back at her. "You amaze me, Irene. I have no doubt you'll be okay." 


	20. chapter 20

ONE YEAR LATER "I'm gonna miss you, Serena," Darien said as he gave her a bear hug.  
  
"We got through last year," Serena said, looking up at him.  
  
"Yeah, but it wasn't easy. I lived for vacations!"  
  
"Me, too."  
  
His eyes grew serious. "You just stay away from those jocks. I see how they look at you."  
  
She blushed. "Darien, don't you know by now that you're the only guy I want?"  
  
He grinned. "I think I do." He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small box. "But just to be certain, I want you to wear this." He nervously cleared his throat as he handed her the box.  
  
She slowly opened it, and then her eyes grew wide. "Oh, Darien," she whispered.  
  
"Do you like it?" he asked in a low voice.  
  
She threw her arms around his neck.  
  
"I know that I have two more years of college after this and you have college, but I want to be sure that you'll still be mine."  
  
She looked into his eyes and felt like her heart would burst with all the love she felt for him. "I'll always belong to you," she said with a catch in her throat. "I love you." Tears filled her eyes. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."  
  
He bent his head slightly, and then tenderly met her lips.   
  
"So what are we gonna do tonight?" Morrison asked. "A movie?"  
  
"Nah, I'm tired of movies," Lita answered. "Let's just hang out."  
  
"Whatever you want." He grabbed her hand. "Thanks for being there for me through all the messed up stuff in my life."  
  
"I should be the one thanking you, Morrison," she answered. "But I'm sure your Dad will find a job soon."  
  
"Yeah, it's just tough with money right now."  
  
"I know. We're the same, but we have to keep going. It'll work out."  
  
He frowned. "I guess you're right, but I wish I could help out more."  
  
Lita could see the worry in his face. "You're already working at The Pizza House and you have school." She patted his hand.  
  
"I know." He shrugged. "Let's quit this depressing topic and talk about something more interesting."  
  
"Like what?" she asked with a toss of her head.  
  
"Like you," he answered as he cupped her face in his hands. "I want you to wear my class ring . . . that is, if you want to."  
  
"I thought you'd never ask!" she squealed as she held her hand out.  
  
Irene grinned. "I told you I'd succeed. Even when no one else believed in me."  
  
Jerry Feldon returned her smile. "I told you that a long time ago, Irene." He leaned back in his chair. "Now tell me what's happened to put you in such a great mood. You're about ready to burst."  
  
She could barely contain her excitement as she fumbled inside her purse; she retrieved a letter and thrust it at him. "Read this," she said.  
  
He took the letter and read it, then stopped and smiled broadly. "Irene, this is wonderful news! I'm so proud of you!"  
  
"You should've seen Serena and Lita when I showed them the letter this morning. We've been waiting so long for this day. I knew my talent was God- given."  
  
"This is quite a sum of money. Any special plans?"  
  
She shook her head. "I don't know. I'm still overwhelmed. But I do know one thing, it sure will feel good to be able to support the girls." She stood up. "I might plan a vacation. They're growing up so fast. Serena is in her last year of high school. I want to do something special next summer."  
  
"You've come a long way, Irene. I truly believe you can accomplish anything you set your mind to."  
  
"I know. It's amazing how so much good came out of all of Alexander's broken promises. I finally feel like a whole person."  
  
The counselor looked intently at her. "You've always been a whole person, Irene. You just had to find the missing pieces and put yourself back together."  
  
She smiled warmly. "I sure like the fit."   
  
Irene walked through the courtyard, swinging a bag of doughnuts in her hand. "Hey, Amy," she called. "Put on the coffee!" She waved to a few women on her way into the building. 


	21. chapter 21

THE BEGINNING PART TWO Irene yawned, then stretched. She sighed as she listened to the words of a romantic love song playing on the radio. Normally she would've pressed the snooze button, but the words of the song held her attention. Her mind drifted to a fantasy she'd been having lately. Did she dare give in to it or should she continue on and forget her foolish daydreams?  
  
The song ended and she turned off the radio alarm. She got out of bed, and then walked down the hall to the bathroom where she splashed cold water on her face. Afterward she walked into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. When it was ready, she poured herself a cup, and then sat down at the kitchen table and stared at the pile of papers she'd left there the night before. They represented her latest book. The final draft had to be on her editor's desk in three weeks. She'd make the deadline. It would only take her a few days to make the final revisions.  
  
Irene could've slept in since Lita and Serena had the day off from school, but she liked to work early in the morning while the girls were still asleep and the apartment was quiet. She could collect her thoughts and work without any distractions.  
  
She took a sip of her coffee and began editing her second draft. She worked steadily for the next hour, only stopping to pour herself another cup of coffee.  
  
The phone rang, jarring her. She stood up, and then hurried over to it, quickly picking up the receiver before the jangling woke the girls. "Hello?" She frowned when there was no response. She knew someone was there because she could hear their breathing. "Hello," she repeated. When she still received no reply, she said, "Well, I'm sorry, but I don't have time for games. Goodbye."  
  
She settled back down to her work when the phone rang again. She got up, walked over to the phone and picked it up. "Hello," she said with a trace of annoyance in her voice.  
  
She heard faint breathing, but nothing else.  
  
"Okay, suit yourself," she said, then hung up the phone and switched on the answering machine.  
  
"Who was that, Mom?" Serena asked as she walked into the room.  
  
"I don't know." She looked at her daughter. "Someone playing games, I suppose." She sat back down at the table.  
  
Serena 's eyes narrowed. "It's been happening a lot lately." She seated herself across from her mother.  
  
"It has? Why didn't you mention it to me?" she asked sharply.  
  
She shrugged. "I didn't want to bother you. You have a lot on your mind with the new book and everything."  
  
Irene was grateful for her daughter's consideration, but at the same time didn't want either of her daughters to keep something like this from her. She smiled at Serena. "The next time it happens, tell me about it, okay?" she said softly.  
  
"Is something wrong, Mom?" Her eyes narrowed.  
  
"No, honey," Irene quickly assured her. "Don't worry. But if the calls continue, I'll see if we can have a tap put on the line."  
  
"You don't think it's Alexander, do you?" Her eyes widened at the thought.  
  
"No, I don't think he'll bother us again. Why would he? We've been divorced for over a year and we haven't heard from him." She hoped she eased Serena 's mind.  
  
"I don't know, Mom," she said. "Don't forget what he said to you after the divorce."  
  
Irene reached across the table and patted her daughter's hand. "Honey, please don't worry. Alexander won't bother us. I promise." She gave Serena 's hand a reassuring squeeze. "I want you to put it out of your mind. Your senior year is almost over and I want you to have fun and enjoy it." She stared into Serena 's dark eyes. "That's an order."  
  
Serena laughed. "You're right. I think my psych class has made me paranoid. Especially since I used Alexander as my case profile."  
  
Irene returned her laughter. "So what do you and Lita have on your agenda for today?"  
  
"We're going over to the Kunzites' to hang out for a while. Maybe we'll go to the movies tonight."  
  
"Sounds like fun," Irene answered. "I'll give you some money and you can get some pizza."  
  
"Thanks, Mom."  
  
"So, where's Lita this morning?"  
  
"She's still sleeping. Give her another four hours," she added with a laugh as she stood up. "Well, I'm gonna take a shower, then finish my English report."  
  
"Okay, honey."  
  
Irene settled back down to her task. The moment she picked up her pen, the phone rang. She smiled to herself as she heard Lita's message stating they were unavailable to come to the phone. She listened for the message or an abrupt cut off, but was surprised when neither happened. A full minute elapsed before the machine automatically cut off the caller.  
  
She got up from the table and raced over to the answering machine. She turned up the volume and listened carefully and intently. She heard steady rhythmic breathing, but nothing more. There was no audible background noise.  
  
She quickly dialed the police and told the officer at the other end of the line what had happened. They promised to send someone over.  
  
Irene walked over to the stove and poured herself another cup of coffee. She wouldn't be able to concentrate on her work until this unwanted caller left her alone. An uneasy feeling crept over her as she walked back to the table and sat down. What if Serena was right and it was Alexander? Could she really be certain he was out of her life for good? Or would he keep coming back to torment her? Would she ever be totally free of him?  
  
She thought back to the last time she had seen him. It was a few days after the divorce was finalized. Only when she stopped to retie the lace on her running shoe during an early morning jog did she notice a car tailing her. Before she could react, Alexander was out of the car and bounding over to her.  
  
She quickly stood up. Her heart pounded furiously, and she wasn't sure if it was from her run or from seeing her ex-husband. "I have nothing to say to you, Alexander," she said coldly.  
  
He smiled warmly. "I just wanted to see how you're doing," he said softly. "I miss you."  
  
"The girls and I are doing fine," she answered.  
  
"How about a cup of coffee?" he offered.  
  
"No, thank you, Alexander," she answered politely, glancing at her wristwatch. "It's getting late. I have to get back."  
  
"Wait . . . just for a minute."  
  
"What?" she asked sharply.  
  
"Don't you miss me? Even just a little?"  
  
She looked into his dark brooding eyes. He stood so self-assured in his typical God's-gift-to-the-world stance. "No, I don't. I've finally gotten you out of my system."  
  
"Remember the good times?" he persisted.  
  
"The bad outweighed the good," she answered. "Now I really have to go."  
  
"I've changed, Irene." His voice was pleading. "I'm just asking you for one more chance."  
  
"I have no more chances to give you." She watched his eyes narrow, and then cloud up. How many times had she seen those same eyes change in an instant from false compassion to true cruelty?  
  
"The divorce means nothing, Irene. In God's eyes you're still mine."  
  
"I don't want to hear it. We're divorced. And I know God understands." She turned to leave; he grabbed her arm. "Let go of me," she said firmly.  
  
He tightened his grip.  
  
"I swear I'll have you arrested!" she shouted.  
  
He abruptly released her and she sprinted away, his threats echoing behind her.  
  
"You'll always be mine! No other man will ever have you!"  
  
She hurried into the apartment and shakily put the deadbolt on, then slumped to the floor, trying to steady her breathing. Serena and Lita ran to her, frantically repeating a phone conversation from Alexander.  
  
"He's going to kill you!" Serena shrieked. "He's nuts!"  
  
"Mom, he said you'll pay for what you've done to him," Lita added in a calmer tone than her sister.  
  
Irene hugged her daughters close to her. "He's not going to hurt us anymore."  
  
The words were barely out of her mouth when a large crash sounded outside the door. A series of thuds on the door followed the crash. Irene, her heartbeat quickening again as the girls trembled with fear, knew that Alexander was on the other side.  
  
"Mom! What are we going to do?" Serena asked, her eyes wild with fright.  
  
"Amy will call the police," she answered in what she hoped was a convincing voice.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"She always looked out for us. She won't stop now."  
  
"What if she's not home?" Lita's voice shook.  
  
"She is. I saw her earlier."  
  
"Why don't we just call the police ourselves?" Serena asked.  
  
"They'll come quicker if Amy does. I called them so many times in the past then refused to press charges, so I guess they don't go out of their way to respond quickly."  
  
"Irene! You belong to me!" Alexander yelled. "Open up the door! You have no right to lock me out!"  
  
Irene kept silent.  
  
"Irene! I know you're in there!" He continued his barrage against the door.  
  
"Where are the police?" Serena was almost hysterical.  
  
"They'll be here, honey," Irene whispered, her voice barely audible with the hammering on the door.  
  
After what seemed like hours, they heard muffled voices coming from the other side of the door. The pounding stopped and Irene jumped when she heard a loud rap on the door.  
  
"It's the police, Mrs. Copeland. Please open the door."  
  
Irene and the girls scrambled to their feet. She unlatched the deadbolt and swung the door open.  
  
Alexander glared at her, then turned his attention to the officer. "This is my wife; she locked me out," he snarled.  
  
"Is that correct, Mrs. Copeland?" the officer asked.  
  
"No. We're divorced. He's not welcome here." She sighed. "I just want him to leave me alone."  
  
"A Amy Madison called in the complaint. Says she's a friend of yours."  
  
"Yes, she is."  
  
"She's a troublemaker," Alexander bellowed. "She has no right interfering in our lives! I warned you what would happen if you got involved with the neighbors!"  
  
"Please keep quiet, Mr. Copeland." The policeman's voice was firm.  
  
Irene didn't recognize him. Must be new, she thought. Not new to police work because she guessed his age to be in his early forties. He had a rugged look about him, like he spent a lot of time outdoors. His sandy brown hair was neatly groomed and he wasn't bad looking.  
  
"Do you want to press charges?" he asked Irene.  
  
She sighed. "If that's what it'll take to keep him away from us."  
  
"Has he been making threats before today, Mrs. Copeland?"  
  
"Yes," Irene answered. "The police have been here several times in the past."  
  
He frowned. "Then I think the judge probably won't be too lenient with him."  
  
"I never pressed formal charges," Irene said in a low voice, as though she were ashamed.  
  
He looked squarely at her. "I hope this time you do."  
  
"Got the hots for my wife?" Alexander sneered at the officer.  
  
The officer shook his head as he turned to Alexander. "If I were you, buddy, I'd keep my mouth shut."  
  
"Officer . . ." Irene began.  
  
"Officer Tsukino."  
  
"Officer Tsukino, I'm no longer married to Alexander. Our divorce was finalized a few days ago. I intend to press every charge I can against him."  
  
Alexander laughed. "Irene, you can get into serious trouble bringing false accusations against me."  
  
Officer Tsukino turned to Irene. "Come down to the station and we'll complete the paperwork."  
  
"Will he be arrested?" she asked as her daughters looked on hopefully.  
  
"I can't say. Do you have an order of protection?"  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"Well, we'll see what the judge says." He looked at Alexander. "You'd better come down to the station with me."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"Your former wife is going to press charges against you."  
  
His facial muscles twitched, then grew tight. "You'll be sorry, Irene!" he warned as he pointed a finger at her. "You'd better remember to keep looking over your shoulder because when you least expect it, you'll get yours!"  
  
"Let's go, Copeland!" Officer Tsukino said as he pointed Alexander toward the exit.  
  
Irene saw Amy coming out of her apartment and hurried over to her. She gave her a quick hug. "Thanks for calling the police."  
  
"You know I'd do anything for you and your girls." She smiled warmly at Serena and Lita. "I'll drive you to the police station."  
  
"Do you girls want to come?" Irene asked.  
  
"Sure," they replied.  
  
  
  
Irene looked around the crowded room, wondering what tragedies brought some of the others here. She observed a woman holding a small baby. The woman sobbed and pointed to a young disheveled man propped against a wall. Apparently he was intoxicated or high on drugs.  
  
"People are nuts," Serena said angrily.  
  
"We'll be out of here shortly," Irene replied.  
  
"Most of these people will just get off no matter what they do," Lita stated.  
  
"Why do you say that?" Amy asked.  
  
"We're studying our great justice system in school," Lita explained. "In reality all the rights seem to go to the criminal."  
  
"Like if someone broke into our home and got injured he could sue us," Serena added.  
  
"That's not right," Amy replied.  
  
"No, but that's how the system works today."  
  
"I guess I'd better study the candidates better the next time I vote." Amy shook her head in wonder. "Here comes Officer Tsukino, Irene," she whispered.  
  
Irene noticed how Officer Tsukino carried himself as he strode over to her. His handsome ruggedness made her envy the woman he obviously had waiting for him at home.  
  
"Mrs. Copeland, if you'll follow me, the judge would like to see you. I've explained your situation and he's reviewing your case right now."  
  
"We'll wait here for you, Irene," Amy said.  
  
Officer Tsukino led her down a hallway and stopped before the courtroom door. "Don't be nervous. Court isn't in session right now. Judge Freed is waiting for you." He smiled. "He's a good guy."  
  
"Thank you for your help, Officer Tsukino." Her knees grew weak at his smile.  
  
"Just doing my job." He winked, and then walked back down the hall.  
  
Irene signed the formal complaint against Alexander, and then received an order of protection from the judge. Alexander would probably only receive a verbal reprimand, but if he violated the order of protection he would be jailed. All she cared about was being left alone and getting on with her life.  
  
And she had gotten on with her life. It had felt so good being free from Alexander. Or was she? After all this time was he coming back to intrude upon her life? Could her life ever truly be hers again? 


	22. chapter 22

Irene played the tape for the second time.  
  
"How long has this been going on?" Officer Blake asked.  
  
Irene ran her fingers through her silky hair. "I only noticed it this morning, but my daughters said it's been going on for weeks."  
  
"May I question them?"  
  
"Sure." She motioned to her daughters, who sat silently at the table.  
  
"When did the calls start?" he asked neither in particular.  
  
Serena shrugged. "Three, maybe four weeks ago."  
  
"Were they always like this one?" He pointed to the answering machine.  
  
"No," Lita said. "In the beginning the phone would ring and one of us would answer it and whoever was on the other end of the line would just hang up. The breathing started a few days ago."  
  
He turned his attention back to Irene. "Do you have any idea who could be doing this?" He poised his pen over a blank sheet of paper on his notepad. "A jilted boyfriend?" he probed.  
  
"No, I'm not seeing anyone."  
  
"It's probably Alexander," Lita said dryly.  
  
"Who's Alexander?" Officer Blake asked.  
  
"My ex-husband," Irene answered. "I have an order of protection against him."  
  
"Has he harassed you since the order was signed?"  
  
"No, I haven't seen him or heard from him in over a year."  
  
"So, there's no one else you can recall who has a personal vendetta against you?"  
  
"No, I'm only close to a few people."  
  
He snapped the notepad shut. "I'll request a tap and we'll take it from there. Try not to worry. It may turn out to be just a kid pulling a prank."  
  
"Thank you, Officer Blake." She showed him out, and then walked over to her daughters, who were standing in the living room.  
  
She smiled at them. "Don't you have plans with the Bakers?"  
  
Serena and Lita glanced at each other, and then looked at their mother.  
  
"We thought we might stay home," Serena said.  
  
"No, I want you to go out and have a good time. I'll be fine."  
  
They eyed her warily.  
  
"I have to work on the book, then I'll probably have a cup of coffee with Amy and Bill." She hoped her plan helped to ease their minds.  
  
"If anything happens, Mom, you won't hide it from us?" Serena asked.  
  
"I promise." She smiled at them. "Now go on and have a good time. That's an order!"  
  
They laughed as they grabbed their jackets and hurried out of the apartment.  
  
Irene walked back to the kitchen and for the next few hours busied herself with editing. Around seven o'clock she stood up, rubbing her eyes. She stretched, then walked into the bathroom and filled the tub with warm water and fragrant bubble beads. She picked up a popular romance book; for the next half hour, she let her mind take her to an unknown time in the future. A time when maybe she'd dare to let romance enter her life again. She closed her eyes and thought about how nice it would be to be truly loved by a man. Not to have to be careful of every word you spoke or to be pushed or shoved, but to be treated with respect and talked to gently. She inhaled deeply and smiled. Dreams do come true, she thought. Just look at the books. She worked hard to fulfill her dream to be an author. It hadn't been easy, but she'd always known deep down inside that eventually she would succeed. She could find love, but could she ever trust again?  
  
She thought about Officer Tsukino. Lately he'd been popping into her mind almost daily. He'd been so kind to her when she signed the complaint against Alexander. Later that night he called her and asked if she'd like to have a cup of coffee with him some time. She'd reluctantly accepted. It was awkward. Part of her wanted to reach out to him, but another part couldn't. She wasn't ready. When she looked at him, her heart pounded. She could so easily give in to her emotions. She tried her best to explain it to him, but knew from the look in his eyes that he didn't buy her explanation. She sensed from the in way he excused himself and threw a couple of bills on the table that she wouldn't see him again. She was so attracted to him. She felt a spark she hadn't felt for a long time. Her soul reached out to him, but fear held her back. Her heart twisted, and then broke. She could never risk betrayal again.  
  
Irene got out of the tub, toweled herself dry, then walked into her bedroom and threw on a tee shirt and a pair of shorts. She ran a comb through her hair and put on her sandals.  
  
A few minutes later she sat in Bill and Amy Madison's comfortable living room, sipping a tall glass of lemonade.  
  
"What did the police say?" Bill asked.  
  
Irene set down her glass. "They're going to put a tap on the line."  
  
"Do you have any idea who it could be?" Amy asked.  
  
Irene shook her head. "No, but Serena is convinced it's Alexander."  
  
Amy's eyes narrowed. "Do you think he'd dare to start anything after last year?"  
  
"With Alexander anything is possible, but I don't think he'd be that stupid with the order of protection I have."  
  
"Well, rest assured Bill and I will keep alert if he comes around." She patted Irene's hand. "You know you're like a daughter to us."  
  
"I don't know how I would've ever made it through without you two." 


	23. chapter 23

Jerry Feldon smiled broadly. "You're looking well, Irene."  
  
"Thank you." She shifted uneasily.  
  
He hadn't seen her in several months, but her bright, clear eyes and glowing complexion proved that life was almost back on track for her. She had put on some weight and she carried herself with a newfound self- confidence. But her anxiety concerned him.  
  
"Please have a seat," he offered, motioning to the large leather chair near his desk.  
  
"Thanks." She sat down and cleared her throat but said nothing.  
  
He eyed her carefully. She'd come such a long way from the first time he met her. She was almost full circle, but not quite. There was still some unresolved conflict that needed to be dealt with. "How's the book coming along?" he finally asked.  
  
"It's finished and on the editor's desk."  
  
"I hope you're going to relax for a while before tackling the next one," he teased.  
  
She smiled. "I still have a few changes to make on this one. I need to rest awhile, but you know how that goes."  
  
He laughed. "I think I know you well enough by now to realize that when an idea pops into your head a book is soon to follow."  
  
"I'll keep jotting down ideas, but I'm going to take some time to plan a nice trip."  
  
"That sounds exciting. Will the girls be traveling with you?"  
  
"Oh, yes. We're going to have such a wonderful time. I want to spend as much time as I can with them before Serena starts college in the fall."  
  
"How are they doing?"  
  
"They're both well. Serena is excited about college and her upcoming high school graduation."  
  
Jerry eyed her warily. "So what is the problem, Irene? Everything seems to be going well for you."  
  
She bit her bottom lip. "I don't know. I have everything I've ever wanted and I know I should be happy."  
  
"But you're not?"  
  
"Oh, no, I am," she quickly stated. "It's just something . . . I can't explain. Something's missing."  
  
"You've worked very hard for everything you have."  
  
"I know," she said softly. "Maybe that's it. I had to struggle so hard . . . it doesn't seem fair."  
  
Jerry leaned back in his chair. "You certainly should know by now that life isn't always fair," he stated. "What's really the matter, Irene?"  
  
She stood up and walked over to the bookcase, running her finger over the binding of a thick psychology book then, turning to face her doctor, said, "I've been thinking about Ben Johnson too much lately."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Where's that coming from?"  
  
She walked back over to the chair and sat down. "I don't know," she finally answered with a shrug. "He frustrates me."  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
She took a deep breath, and then slowly exhaled. "I keep thinking about all the years I struggled trying to make ends meet and how he lived in the lap of luxury."  
  
"You never told me much about your first marriage. When I met you, you were dealing with the second."  
  
"Oh, there's still so much to deal with the first, too," she laughed, with a touch of bitterness in her voice. "Now if I could only figure out why I involve myself with men who only want to take advantage of me, then hurt me, I might understand myself better."  
  
"Maybe we should take this one step at a time." He looked directly at her. "Is Serena's upcoming graduation causing you concern?"  
  
"Not really. I mean it just seems that only yesterday she was eight years old. Now she'll be going off to college in a few months."  
  
"Is her father coming to the ceremony?"  
  
"Oh, of course." She frowned. "Maybe that's part of the problem."  
  
"How do you mean?"  
  
"When I was with Ben, we were your typical young struggling couple. Then when I received some money, we used that to invest in real estate. If it wouldn't have been for that money, we would never have gotten ahead."  
  
"How long after you received the money did Ben and you break up?"  
  
"Less than a year."  
  
He saw the pain in her eyes. "Didn't you get a fair settlement?"  
  
"Yes, the court gave me and the girls enough to live comfortably, but that wasn't what Ben gave us."  
  
"Why didn't you fight it?"  
  
She shook her head. "In the long run, I knew it wouldn't be worth it. Lawyers cost a fortune and I assumed he had a conscience and would realize our struggle."  
  
"He didn't?"  
  
"Oh, he knew, I'm sure of that. But I honestly don't think he cared." She swallowed hard. "It's not easy to accept the fact that the person you shared your life with could just turn so cold. Especially where the girls were concerned."  
  
"Did Ben ever remarry?"  
  
"Yes, but he didn't have any more children."  
  
"You believe he could've done better by his daughters?"  
  
"Not could've, but should've," she retorted angrily. "He was always crying poverty but had a new car almost every year, trips to places he and I had talked about visiting. Everything!"  
  
"You've kept those feelings buried for a long time."  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "That's one of the reasons I became involved with Alexander. I wanted to give my girls a better life and we both know where that got me." Her voice was still bitter.  
  
"I think it would be good for you to start getting those feelings out."  
  
"I'd love to, but every time I think I have, something happens to make the old feelings come back." She laughed. "I would love to just move on with my life."  
  
"And you don't think you can?"  
  
"Not until I exorcise all these ghosts from my past."  
  
"Tell me about your life after your divorce from Ben."  
  
"It was one struggle after another. If I paid one bill, I had to let another go." Tears came to her eyes. "There were times I could barely put a meal on the table."  
  
"Did you tell Ben about your finances?"  
  
"Oh, right!" she answered resentfully. "If I even broached the subject, he'd inform me if I couldn't take care of the girls, he would." She sighed tiredly. "He loved being in control. If I upset him, he'd threaten to cut off the child support." She shook her head slowly. "I couldn't win. But I held onto my dream of writing. No matter how bad things got, I knew no one could take that away from me." The light came back into her eyes when she talked about writing. "My writing keeps me going."  
  
"How does Ben feel about your book?"  
  
"He probably despises it."  
  
"Why would you think that?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "If you knew Ben Johnson, you wouldn't ask. He doesn't give compliments."  
  
"Maybe he's jealous of your success," Jerry reasoned.  
  
"Could be. I never really thought about it that way."  
  
"Did he ever discourage your writing endeavors?"  
  
"No, in fact he was very supportive. I just don't believe he ever thought I would succeed. I think he was patronizing me."  
  
"Irene, you've got to let go of the past and forget what anyone else thinks. You have a bright, happy future ahead of you."  
  
"I know," she said uneasily.  
  
"Irene, you act like you think you aren't deserving of your success."  
  
"No, I do know I deserve it. I worked hard for it."  
  
"Yes, you did." He eyed her carefully. "So why are you dwelling in the past?"  
  
She sighed. "There's so much I wish I could've done with and for the girls when they were younger." She quickly blinked away her tears. "We were suffering and no one cared." She looked deep into her therapist's eyes. "Do you know how hard it was to have to juggle finances to give them things they should've normally had?" She didn't wait for a reply. "Everyone else was going on vacations while I was trying to budget school clothes, or the next week's groceries. It exhausted me."  
  
"But you made it, Irene. Look how strong you've become!"  
  
"I know, and I'm grateful for my success. I just wish it could've come years earlier."  
  
"Irene, you have a wonderful relationship with your girls. I'm sure they know the sacrifices you've made most of their lives."  
  
"Yes, they do," she answered. "And I know they appreciate it."  
  
He smiled. "I think you need to get back to planning your trip. Relax . . . have fun!"  
  
She returned his smile. "I always feel better after I talk to you."  
  
"You've come through some rough times. A lot of women may not have survived the way you have."  
  
Her face reddened. She wasn't comfortable accepting compliments. "You do what you have to do," she said softly. "And my girls are definitely worth it."  
  
"May I offer another piece of advice?" he asked.  
  
"Do I have a choice?" She grinned.  
  
He laughed. "You know me too well. What I wanted to suggest was that maybe it's time you thought about doing something for yourself now that Serena and Lita are almost grown."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Have you thought about dating again?"  
  
A shadow crossed her face. "You remember my last fiasco? The detective?"  
  
"I don't think you were quite ready then. Maybe you could call him or send him a note. He wasn't that bad, was he?"  
  
"No, in fact, he was really kind and gentle. It was my fault. I never gave him a chance." She gripped the arms of her chair. "But I don't think I could call him. It's been a long time. He's probably with someone by now."  
  
"There's only one way to find out," Jerry said.  
  
She sighed. "That would take more courage than I have."  
  
"You have the courage, Irene." His voice was soft and fatherly. "You need to trust men again. The right one is out there somewhere waiting for you to find him."  
  
Her eyes brightened hopefully.  
  
"You deserve a man who will give you all the tenderness and affection your two husbands couldn't. Take the time to get to know Detective . . .?"  
  
"Ken Tsukino," she said.  
  
"What do you have to lose?" he continued. "If he's not the one, then the right one will show up eventually."  
  
"It's not like I'm going to marry him."  
  
"That's right. Take the time to develop a relationship. Really get to know him. If he tries to control you, then you'll know he's wrong for you. Enjoy yourself! You deserve to have some fun in your life. Explore your horizons."  
  
"It would be so nice to love someone and have that love returned," she said softly.  
  
"It will happen, Irene, I promise. But you have to take the first step and let down your guard a little."  
  
"I'm going to call Ken," she said determinedly as she stood up. "After all, what do I have to lose?"  
  
He chuckled.  
  
She looked at him quizzically. "What's so funny?"  
  
"You're like a young girl just discovering the opposite sex."  
  
She winked. "Maybe I am. Only this time I'm going in with my eyes wide open." 


	24. chapter 24

"So what are your and Darien's plans for the summer?" Lia Baker asked.  
  
"Oh, I don't know." Serena breathed deeply. "We just want to spend as much time together as we can."  
  
"Are you nervous about college?"  
  
She shrugged. "In a way. It's going to be weird not seeing the same people I grew up with."  
  
"Yeah, I know. But I guess for me it won't be as bad. I had to start over when I came here."  
  
"Do you miss California?" Serena asked.  
  
"Sometimes." Lia looked directly into her friend's eyes. "But I mostly miss my mom."  
  
Serena heard the quiver in Lia's voice. She looked at her and knew by the way Lia rapidly blinked that she was fighting back tears. "I'm sure she misses you, too, Lia," she said softly.  
  
"I used to convince myself that she did and would even make up excuses why she didn't call or write. I wanted so much for her to care about me. I wanted her to be a real mother." The tears brimmed in her eyes, and then slowly began to fall, sliding gently down her cheeks. "She doesn't want to know me or anything about me."  
  
Serena was at a loss for words. She hated the awkward silence and wished that she could think of something to say--anything to ease the pain her friend was feeling. But she stumbled over the words in her mind. Nothing she could say would even remotely relate to Lia's situation. Serena felt fortunate to have a mother she knew loved her and sacrificed unconditionally for her. She couldn't imagine not having her mother around. But at least Lia had her father. Eric Baker genuinely loved his children and did the best he could for them. It was obvious to everyone who met him-- not just an act to be put on for public appearances.  
  
"Lia, if you ever need someone to talk to, I know my mom would be there for you," Serena said compassionately.  
  
"I know," Lia sniffed, "and I really appreciate it, Serena." She wiped her eyes. "I know your mom would talk to me, but I don't want you to think I'm trying to push myself into her life."  
  
Serena laughed. "I'm not a little kid who's jealous of Mommy."  
  
Lia smiled. "The best part of moving here was finding a friend like you."  
  
  
  
Morrison Baker put his hands behind his head and leaned back into the sofa. "So what did you think of the movie?"  
  
"I liked it. It wasn't what I expected," Lita answered.  
  
"Yeah, it was better than I thought it would be." He put his feet on the coffee table. "So when's Heather Miller moving?"  
  
"In a couple of weeks."  
  
"You gonna miss her?"  
  
Lita shrugged. "I don't know. We're not as close as we used to be."  
  
"It's not because of me, is it?"  
  
"Why would you think that?" she asked with a laugh.  
  
"Well, I take up a lot of your time."  
  
Lita smiled. "That's my choice. But as far as Heather goes, we've grown apart the past year. I'll miss her being around, but it's not like we were hanging out anymore."  
  
"Life's weird, isn't it?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know." He frowned. "A couple of years ago you probably would have been really upset about Heather's move."  
  
"Yeah, we were super close then."  
  
"I just don't understand how people can change their feelings," he said sourly.  
  
"Morrison, people drift apart. Their interests change. All of a sudden, one day you just realize you don't even like the same things anymore. That's life." She studied his face, wondering what was really bothering him.  
  
"Yeah, like my mom drifting apart from me and Lia."  
  
Lita heard the anger in his voice. "It's not the same thing. You have a natural bond with a parent. That bond is different than the one you have with a friend."  
  
"Yeah, right," he answered sarcastically. "My bond with my mom is so strong that she couldn't care less if we live or die."  
  
Lita watched as Morrison clenched and unclenched his fists. She wished she could do something to ease his pain.  
  
Irene finished putting the dishes away, then poured herself a cup of coffee. For the past hour she'd rehearsed over and over in her mind what she would say to Ken Tsukino.  
  
The phone rang, but stopped right before she reached it. One of the girls must have picked it up, she thought.  
  
Moments later Serena burst into the room. "Mom, we just got another one of those calls."  
  
"Not again! I'm getting fed up with it."  
  
"I thought the cops were going to put a tap on the line," Serena said.  
  
"I'll see if Amy can drive me down tomorrow. We shouldn't have to put up with this!"  
  
"What's going on?" Lita asked as she grabbed a soda from the refrigerator.  
  
"Another call," Serena answered.  
  
"I'll make sure something is done tomorrow." Irene picked up her cup of coffee and walked over to the table. "We have to start planning your graduation party, Serena. Is there anything special you'd like?"  
  
"No." She looked at Lita, then both girls burst into laughter.  
  
"What?" Irene asked puzzled.  
  
"Nothing," Serena laughed.  
  
Irene smiled. "Come on, you two. I know you're up to something."  
  
"It's just that all the kids are having the same party," Lita said.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Mom, the party will mostly just be a get-together for the adults. Not that I don't want the party, because I do," Serena explained.  
  
Irene smiled again. "You're probably right. It's a chance for us proud parents to brag about our children's accomplishments and future goals."  
  
"Well, we'll let you enjoy your day, Mom," Serena said.  
  
"Oh, I thank you," Irene laughed. "When's Darien getting home from college?"  
  
Serena 's eyes brightened. "In ten days."  
  
"That'll be a relief," Lita said. "At least I won't have to hear her constantly talk about how she misses him."  
  
"You should talk," Serena said. "Morison's name pops up about every ten seconds."  
  
"Well, he's going through a tough time right now."  
  
"What's wrong, honey?" Irene asked.  
  
Lita sighed. "I don't know. He's been thinking about his mother a lot. He's just so depressed."  
  
"Lia's going through the same thing," Serena added.  
  
"Is Mrs. Baker coming to the graduation?" Irene asked.  
  
"No, she supposedly can't get away from work," Serena said sarcastically.  
  
"You're kidding! Her own child's graduation. No wonder those kids are upset."  
  
"Lia never said too much before, but she's so hurt. She was crying, Mom, and I told her if she needed someone to talk to, you would be there for her."  
  
"Of course, Serena. You know how much I care for her and Morrison."  
  
"Now I know why Morrison is so angry," Lita said. "I didn't know that his mother wasn't coming to Lia's graduation."  
  
"At least they have a good father to rely on," Irene said.  
  
"Yeah, but Lia says there's some stuff you can't talk to your Dad about that you would with your mother."  
  
"Tell Lia I'll help her in any way I can," Irene said.  
  
"Thanks, Mom." Serena yawned. "Well, I'm going to bed."  
  
"Me, too," Lita said. "By the way, Mom, call Ken." She winked at Serena.  
  
"What?"  
  
"We're not stupid, Mom," Serena grinned. "We've heard you talking about him to Amy."  
  
"Well, it was just a thought."  
  
"Go for it," Lita urged.  
  
"I don't know," she answered uneasily. "Maybe he's with someone."  
  
"There's only one way to find out," Serena persisted.  
  
"How do you girls really feel about me dating again?"  
  
"Ken seems nice. At least what I remember about him. We didn't actually get to know him."  
  
"He's definitely not like Alexander or Dad," Lita added.  
  
"I suppose a phone call won't hurt," Irene reasoned, without letting her daughters know that she had already intended to call him. Lita and Serena grinned as they walked out of the room.  
  
"Goodnight, girls," Irene called after them.  
  
She poured another cup of coffee, then walked over to the phone. She put her trembling hand on it, slowly picking it up. Her palm was sweaty. She took her time pushing the numbers. Her heart pounded and she could feel her cheeks flush. This is silly, she thought. I'm acting like a teenager.  
  
The phone rang four times, and Irene was ready to hang up when she heard the phone being picked up on the other end.  
  
"Hello," a groggy voice answered. Irene's first reaction was to hang up, but her sweaty palm kept the receiver close to her ear. Seconds ticked by.  
  
"Hello," the voice repeated, but now with a trace of annoyance.  
  
"Is this Ken Tsukino?" she finally asked.  
  
"Yes, it is. May I ask who's calling?"  
  
"Irene Copeland," she answered softly, almost breathlessly. Her heart was beating so fast she could barely catch her breath.  
  
After an awkward silence, Ken spoke. "Is this official business?"  
  
Irene presumed he was deliberately putting her on the spot, and she didn't blame him. "No, I . . . I wondered if you would like to get together sometime for a cup of coffee." Her cheeks grew hot as she nervously toyed with the phone cord. She could hear him slowly let his breath out. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."   
  
She was suddenly embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Ken. I don't know what I was thinking. It's been a year ... I shouldn't have called. Goodbye." She took the phone from her ear and as she lowered it heard, "Irene, wait!"  
  
She brought the phone back up to her ear. "Yes?" she half-whispered.  
  
"It's not what you think. I'm not with anyone. You just caught me by surprise." His words came in a rush. "If you don't mind, why don't I come over for a cup of coffee? I can be there in twenty minutes."  
  
"Okay, I'll see you then."  
  
She hurried down the hall to her room and to her closet, where she quickly searched through her clothes for something to wear. Finally she settled on a pair of dress slacks and a simple blouse. She ran a brush through her hair, then walked back into the kitchen and made a fresh pot of coffee. She grabbed a package of cookies from the cupboard, arranging them on a plate. A few minutes later the doorbell rang. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. She tried to calm her jangling nerves.  
  
"Who's there?" she called.  
  
"Ken."  
  
She took another deep breath, then released the deadbolt and opened the door.  
  
Ken's muscular body leaned against the wall. He wore a pair of blue jeans and a short-sleeved dress shirt that had the top two buttons undone, revealing dark curly chest hairs. "Nice to see you again, Irene," he said with a smile as he walked into the room.  
  
She returned his smile. "I thought we could have our coffee in the kitchen if you don't mind?"  
  
"You remember how I hate formalities," he grinned as he followed her into the kitchen.  
  
That she did remember. He was at home sitting at a kitchen table. Irene poured the coffee, and then offered him cookies.  
  
He sipped at his coffee as he stared at her. "I must say you're looking well."  
  
"Thank you," she blushed. She noticed the rippling muscles in his arms.  
  
"Has Alexander left you alone?" he asked.  
  
"I hope so."  
  
He frowned. "What does that mean?"  
  
She explained about the phone calls. "I can't blame him. It could be anyone."  
  
"But why now?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Why would someone just single you out?"  
  
She shook her head. "I don't know. Maybe something in my book offended the caller."  
  
"I don't think so. I read your book."  
  
Her eyes widened. "You did?"  
  
"Does that surprise you?"  
  
She laughed. "It doesn't seem like your type of book."  
  
"You're forgetting something."  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"I personally know the author. That makes the difference."  
  
Her cheeks grew warm.  
  
"Am I embarrassing you?" he asked.  
  
"Maybe just a little." She picked up a spoon and turned it over. "So, what did you think of it?"  
  
"Hmmm." He leaned back in his chair. "I liked it. It's you."  
  
Her eyes narrowed. "How do you mean?"  
  
"Anyone who knows any little thing about you would know the main character is you."  
  
"Is that good or bad?" she asked.  
  
"Definitely good. You're a very sensitive, caring person." He stared into her eyes.  
  
Irene felt like he was staring into her very soul. She wondered what he could see.  
  
"I think its Alexander," Ken announced.  
  
"What?" His words startled her back to reality.  
  
"The phone calls."  
  
"I don't know. They aren't all the time."  
  
"But just enough to annoy you."  
  
She nodded. "I feel like this person has the upper hand. I feel like I'm being watched. I wonder every time I go out the door if the caller is crouching behind some bush just waiting for the exact moment to make his move."  
  
"Are the police aware of the calls?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And?"  
  
"If the calls continue, I'm supposed to notify them and a tap will be placed on the phone."  
  
"So why don't you have a tap?"  
  
"The calls come in spurts, and since they're considered a nuisance and nonthreatening, they decided to wait until they come more frequently."  
  
Ken's jaw muscle twitched. "Tomorrow you're getting a tap." His voice was angry and definite. "Are they aware of your previous trouble with Alexander?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, but they have no proof it's him."  
  
"I'll take care of all the details tomorrow." He reached for a cookie and took a large bite. Irene poured more coffee.  
  
"Thanks, Ken, for your help." She looked into his eyes. "But I don't want you to think that's the reason I invited you over."  
  
"Why did you invite me over, Irene?" He looked intently and expectantly at her.  
  
"The last time we saw each other it was very awkward and I felt bad at how it ended. I wanted to apologize." The pain of rejection came into his eyes, a pain with which she was very familiar. She had felt that same pain in both of her marriages. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter a syllable, Ken was on his feet.  
  
"Thanks for the coffee," he said stiffly.  
  
She knew it was his protective instinct. He'd never allow her to see his vulnerable side. But she felt the urgency to explain her feelings.  
  
"I'll make sure you have the tap put on tomorrow," he said indifferently, as though he were in uniform and she was one of many who called upon him in his role of protector to do the job he was paid for. He headed for the door.  
  
"Ken, please wait." She placed a hand on his arm. The heat of his flesh made her fingertips tingle.  
  
"Irene, I wish only the best for you and I'm happy for you that your writing has taken off. You deserve all good things and I know someday you'll find the right person."  
  
She looked up at him until his eyes met hers. "Ken, will you please just be quiet for a moment and listen to me?" Her voice was loud.  
  
He looked deep into her eyes. "What are you trying to tell me?" he asked hopefully. Instinctively she tilted her head forward and on tiptoes gently brushed her lips against his. He was stunned into silence.  
  
"A year ago I wasn't ready for any type of relationship," she explained, "but I knew that when I was, it was you I wanted to be with."  
  
A slow grin broke over his face as her words sank in.  
  
"I couldn't stop thinking about you. But I knew it wouldn't be fair to you until I had time to get my emotions back on track. I still have a lot to resolve. But if you want to take that chance, I'm ready."  
  
"Thank you, Irene," he said softly.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For giving me something to look forward to again." 


	25. chapter 25

The jarring ring of the telephone woke Irene. She rubbed her eyes, and then glanced at the clock on the bedside table. Who would be calling at 3:15 in the morning? she wondered. If she wasn't positive her girls were safely in their beds, she would've become alarmed. But instead she was annoyed. This intruder was invading her life. It was a game to him. He was in complete control because she had no way of knowing who he was. She could only guess. It was as though the caller knew the moment she found happiness, and then tried to put a damper on it by reminding her that he was still there.  
  
She grabbed for the phone, but the ringing stopped. She lay back against her pillow. Now she'd have trouble falling back to sleep. She thought about Ken and smiled. She didn't know where this relationship would take her--she only knew she was happy and that was what mattered. Nothing had the right to get in the way of her happiness. She had suffered far too long and worked far too long to get to where she was today. She wasn't financially secure yet, but with the new book finished, in a year from now-- depending on her public's view of the book--she would be well on her way. And it couldn't come at a better time. Serena would be finishing her first year of college and Lita would be planning to enter her senior year of high school. She had dreams for her daughters. But she was realistic enough to know those dreams could only come true with the best education her daughters could get. And a good education cost money. Irene wanted to give them the start to a secure future. They deserved that and so much more.  
  
She wished she could turn back the hands of time. She wanted to keep them close to her for just a little longer. There were so many things she'd change if she could. But not the time she had spent with them guiding, nurturing, being their friend as well as provider. Sometimes she wondered if that was enough. Would they only remember the bad times? Would they even realize the sacrifices she had made for them? Or would they only remember her mistakes and eventually resent her for them? She tried to be the best parent she could be, but it wasn't always easy. There had been so many times she wished for a strong shoulder to lean on. Alexander had promised her that shoulder, but then abruptly pulled it away--leaving her vulnerable and alone.  
  
She had to take this relationship with Ken slowly and with her eyes wide open. She couldn't bear the pain of another failure. Even though the first two weren't her fault, she had allowed herself to enter into these marriages. No one had forced her. She was a statistic, twice divorced. But did they ever look at the extenuating circumstances? She had no way of knowing the type of men Ben Johnson and Alexander Copeland would turn out to be. She'd gone into each of those marriages with confidence and hopes for the future. But no matter what her intentions had been, both failed miserably and painfully, leaving her wounded and rejected.  
  
She'd always been acutely optimistic and believed somewhere out there was the perfect match for her. Someone who would give her all the tender care and security she'd always craved. As the years marched on, though, she wondered if time was running out for her. Was she getting too old to have these dreams? She knew she would have no more children. Would that dissuade Ken? Would he be turned off by the details of her two marriages? Would he somehow misconstrue the facts and blame her? After all, he was a man. Was the saying true that all men stick together? Or was that something some bitter woman had once told her and it had somehow ingrained itself in her memory?  
  
She yawned. She was exhausted, but it would be a while before she could get back to sleep. Her mind was too wired. She grabbed her notebook and pen, deciding to take advantage of the moment and jot down her feelings and thoughts.  
  
  
  
The morning dawned dark and dreary. A cool rain was falling. Lita and Serena sat at the kitchen table, finishing breakfast, when Irene sauntered into the room.  
  
"Was Ken here last night?" Lita asked with a sly grin.  
  
Irene turned to her youngest. "What? No good morning?"  
  
"Just get to the facts," Lita answered.  
  
"Yes, he came over for a cup of coffee." She put a pot of coffee on to brew.  
  
"And?" Serena asked impatiently, looking up from her bowl of Frosted Flakes.  
  
"And what?"  
  
"Come on, Mom," Serena persisted.  
  
"We're going to try."  
  
"Try what?" Lita asked with a toss of her head, rolling her eyes at her sister. "Tell us what happened."  
  
Irene laughed as she pulled up a chair and sat across from her daughters. "Okay." She rested her chin on her hand. "Ken and I are going to be seeing each other, but we're going to take things very slow."  
  
The girls smiled at each other.  
  
"But I want you both to know," she continued, "that your opinion is very important to me. If you pick up on any warning signs I might miss, please tell me."  
  
"Sure," Serena agreed. "But he's different."  
  
"He's not bad looking for an old guy either," Lita added.  
  
She laughed. "So, what's on the school agenda today?"  
  
"The seniors are having a rally. Then we get to sign yearbooks and just hang out."  
  
"Sounds like fun. What about you, Lita?"  
  
She shrugged. "We won't do much in class. Probably just review."  
  
"Do you girls want to do anything special tonight?"  
  
"Sure," Serena said.  
  
"We could go out to dinner," Lita suggested.  
  
"Okay, you two decide and let me know after school."  
  
Serena stood up and put her dishes in the sink. "I have to get going. I promised Lisa I'd meet her."  
  
"Have a good day, honey." Irene kissed her cheek.  
  
"Oh, I almost forgot--did the phone ring in the middle of the night?"  
  
"Yes, but I didn't get to it in time, so I can only assume it was our 'friend'," Irene replied. "Ken is having a tap put on the phone this morning."  
  
"Good." She picked up her books. "Gotta go."  
  
Irene poured herself a cup of coffee, and then sat back down. She turned her attention to Lita and noticed how tired she looked. "Is everything all right with you, Lita?" she asked.  
  
"Sure. Why?"  
  
"I don't know." She patted Lita's hand. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"  
  
She raised her head and sighed deeply. It was a sigh that Irene knew too well. It meant life was getting complicated, too much was happening too fast.  
  
"Everything's changing, Mom."  
  
"Like what, honey?" she softly asked.  
  
Lita's eyes narrowed. "Serena will be going to college pretty soon and it'll just be different. That's all."  
  
"She'll be home for vacations," she assured her.  
  
"It won't be the same."  
  
Irene gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "You're going to miss her, aren't you?"  
  
"It's not just that." She stared into her mother's eyes. "Its scary thinking about growing up and being on your own."  
  
"You've got time, Lita." She squeezed her hand again. "Besides, you and Serena both know that you can live with me for as long as you want."  
  
"What if something happened to you?"  
  
"Nothing's going to happen to me. And even if by chance it did, remember that you still have your Dad."  
  
Lita laughed bitterly. "Yeah, right. He's so critical of everything we do. Nothing ever pleases him."  
  
"Don't worry. I'm fine and I promise I'll always be here for you."  
  
Lita stood up. "I guess I'd better get to school."  
  
"Aren't you going with Morrison?"  
  
"No, he had to go early to make up a test."  
  
"Well, don't worry. Everything is going to work out. We'll have fun tonight." She smiled. "Have a good day, honey."  
  
Lita kissed her mother's cheek. "See you later, Mom."  
  
  
  
Amy Madison laughed heartily. "You're something, Irene. I'm happy that you finally took the plunge. Ken seems like a nice young man."  
  
"He is." Irene grinned. "I can't believe we almost didn't get together because our signals were crossed."  
  
"All that matters is that you did."  
  
"I'm glad he understood why I couldn't get involved last year. But I feel bad he thought it was because I wasn't interested in him and didn't realize I wasn't ready for a man in my life."  
  
"It's going to be exciting getting to know him. You need someone to take care of you." She saw Irene's eyes narrow and she put her hand up in protest. "Let me rephrase that. You deserve to have someone take care of you for a change. God knows the suffering you've been through."  
  
"But it made me stronger and better."  
  
"That it did," Amy agreed.  
  
"I don't mean to run, but Ken's coming over. The police finally put the tap on the line and he wants to check it out."  
  
"Good," Amy said with obvious relief in her voice. "But I still won't rest easy until you find out who the caller is, even though I have my suspicions."  
  
"Let me guess," Irene said with a sly smile. "Could you possibly suspect Alexander?"  
  
Amy lowered her eyes. "You know perfectly well, Irene, that I have always suspected him even though I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt."  
  
"Well, you're not alone in your suspicions. Ken is convinced it's Alexander."  
  
"You stick with Ken. My intuition tells me he's the right one for you. And I rarely read people wrong."  
  
Irene chuckled. "Yes, Mrs. Madison."  
  
Amy gave her a quick hug. "It does my heart good to see you so happy. Now get going," she said as she opened the door. "And don't forget to give me all the details later!" she called after her. 


	26. chapter 26

Lita was laughing when she caught up to Morrison in the crowded hallway.  
  
He turned. "What's so funny?"  
  
"Stop a minute." She started to smooth his hair into place. "You look like you just stuck your finger in a light socket. Your hair is sticking up all over." She finished patting his hair down.  
  
He laughed as his face reddened. "I'm glad you caught me before I walked into math class."  
  
"It might've destroyed your reputation," she said dramatically.  
  
He laughed again. "I just hope no one saw me."  
  
"So, how was the test?" she asked.  
  
He made a cutting noise as he ran his finger across his throat. "I bombed it."  
  
"It wasn't that hard."  
  
"Maybe yours wasn't, but don't forget, you're the brain in math." He grabbed her arm. "And English, science, French . . . "  
  
She playfully punched his shoulder. "I'm not that brainy."  
  
"Sure," he teased.  
  
"Well, I could tutor you," she offered.  
  
"Didn't we try studying together before?"  
  
"We'll just try harder. You don't want to go to summer school."  
  
He shuddered. "No way!"  
  
They stopped at Lita's locker, where she dropped off a book and picked up two more.  
  
"Hi, guys!" Heather Miller waved. "Wait up!"  
  
Morrison and Lita watched Heather make her way through the crowd. "I forgot to tell you what I heard this morning," he whispered.  
  
"What?" Lita asked her curiosity piqued.  
  
"I'll tell you later," he answered as Heather reached them.  
  
"So what have you been up to?" Heather asked them.  
  
"Not too much," Lita replied. "My Mom's planning Serena 's graduation party and all that stuff." She yawned. "And I'm trying to get ready for finals. What about you?"  
  
"I'm getting ready to move."  
  
"When are you leaving?"  
  
"Right after finals."  
  
"Your mom must be upset. She's lived here her whole life."  
  
"So where you moving?" Morrison asked.  
  
"Washington."  
  
"D.C.?"  
  
"No, the state," she answered.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"A little town near Seattle."  
  
"Oh." He smiled. "You'll love it there."  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"So, have you been seeing anyone special?" Lita asked.  
  
Heather's face reddened. "Sorry, I gotta go," she quickly said. She rushed down the hall and soon disappeared into the crowd of students.  
  
"What's with her?" Lita asked as they walked down the corridor. "Does she think she's better than everyone else because she's getting out of this crummy school?"  
  
"That's what I wanted to tell you," Morrison said. "She's pregnant."  
  
"What?" Lita exclaimed, caught completely off guard by his announcement.  
  
He stopped. "Here's my class."  
  
"Morrison, wait!" Lita yelled as he entered the noisy room. She wanted details.  
  
"I can't. If I'm late one more time, I'll get detention. I'll see you after school."  
  
  
  
Irene knocked on Lita's bedroom door.  
  
"Come in!"  
  
She smiled at her youngest, sprawled out on her bed with books and notebooks strewn about the room. "Busy?"  
  
Lita rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. "Heather's pregnant."  
  
Irene blinked in surprise. Lita never had been one to beat around the bush. When she had something to say, she just came out with it. But this news shocked Irene.  
  
"I can't believe it," Lita continued. "I know we aren't as close as we used to be, but I thought she would've confided in me."  
  
"Are you more upset because she's pregnant or because she didn't tell you?" Irene sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Oh, I don't know." She looked at her mother. "Both, I guess. It's just stupid!" She punched a pillow. "She used to always say that she would never get involved with sex like a lot of the girls in school. Now she's just like them!" Her voice was filled with disgust.  
  
Irene wasn't quite sure what to say. She quietly observed her daughter, silently thanking God that Lita wasn't in the predicament Heather was. "What did she tell you?" she finally asked.  
  
"Nothing. That's just it." She sat up. "She has everyone believing she's going to some fantastic new school."  
  
"She never told you anything? Then how do you know it's not just some terrible rumor?"  
  
"Because Morrison told me."  
  
"How did he find out?"  
  
Lita punched the pillow again. "You know how guys are. Supposedly Heather messed around with a few guys. They told Morrison in gym class."  
  
"Boys tend to brag whether they actually scored or not." She ran her hand lightly over the bedspread. "I wouldn't be too hard on Heather, at least until you know the facts," Irene cautioned.  
  
"And if it's true?"  
  
"Then she's going to need your friendship more than ever."  
  
"But, Mom, I don't want her to think that what she did is okay. It wasn't just one guy!" She threw her hands up in disgust. "You should see how some of the girls in school act--like it's an honor. I can see if you made a mistake, but it's still stupid. She didn't care who she was with and even if she only did it once, you'd think she would've used some kind of protection."  
  
"I know, honey, but I still think you should be nice to her. Who knows? You might just make the difference between her getting her life back on track or her continuing this life style. Think about it."  
  
Lita sighed. "Yeah, but it still makes me mad. I don't know what to say to her." She let her breath out in a rush. "And how do I bring it up since she doesn't think anyone knows?" She looked at Irene.  
  
"Just tell her you heard some rumors and take it from there." She patted Lita's hand. "Come on and get ready. We're going out for dinner, remember?"  
  
"Thanks, Mom."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For listening."  
  
Irene smiled. "I'm glad you confide in me, Lita. You don't know how that makes a parent feel."  
  
  
  
"Need any help, Mom?" Serena asked.  
  
Irene grabbed a dishtowel and wiped her hands. "No, I think I have everything under control." Turning to Serena, she asked with a smile, "Are you all set for graduation tomorrow night?"  
  
"Yes," she grinned. "And especially since Darien is home."  
  
"How'd he do this year?"  
  
"Good. He said it's tough, but he'll make it." She lightly ran her fingers over the counter top. "We're going to go out tonight."  
  
"So what else is new?" She winked as she saw the sparks of love shining in her daughter's eyes.  
  
"We won't be late, though, because I have too much to do tomorrow." She picked up a raw carrot. "So, is Ken coming to my graduation?"  
  
"No," she answered softly.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Irene picked up on the hurt in Serena 's voice. "It's not that he doesn't want to," she explained. "We just felt it would be better if he didn't come around this weekend with your father in town."  
  
"So? Dad doesn't have any right to control your life."  
  
"It's not that. You know how critical he is. I don't want anything to ruin your day."  
  
"You mean because he thinks he's the most important person in the universe." She bit into the carrot. "He just better not say anything to Darien."  
  
"He's not going to approve of anyone you get involved with." She observed Serena 's approaching dark mood.  
  
"He thinks he's right about everything. I can't even talk to him," she said, exasperated.  
  
"He is your father. I don't know what to tell you," Irene answered. She knew that her reply was inadequate, but Serena was at the age where she had to set the terms for whatever relationship she and her father would have on an adult level.  
  
"Some help you are," Serena snapped. "You don't even care about my feelings. All you care about is yourself!"  
  
"What did you say?" Irene asked sharply. "It's not my fault. I can't control his actions. I just tolerate him and I certainly don't intend to let him interfere in my life. And as for me not caring about your feelings and only thinking about myself, that is the cruelest thing you could ever say to me." Tears sprang to her eyes. "It makes me wonder why I even try sometimes."  
  
"You never listen!"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"If you would've listened to me, you would've never married Alexander!"  
  
"Serena, we all make mistakes. I thought I was giving you and Lita a normal family. I didn't know things would turn out as they did. I certainly wouldn't have married him if I had known what type of man he really was. But I got us out of it, didn't I?"  
  
"Yeah," she muttered, "but you really have bad taste in men." Her voice was icy. "We had to go through hell before you left him!"  
  
"What is the matter with you?"  
  
"Nothing. Just leave me alone." She stomped out of the room.  
  
  
  
"I don't know what to do, Amy," Irene confided. "I feel like everything is falling apart when it should be coming together."  
  
"You've got to take control. Serena is an adult now and she's frightened. Look at all the changes about to happen in her life. If she has a problem with her father, then she needs to confront him. She can't push it onto you," she said firmly. "You have a good relationship with your daughters and you're a good mother." She looked at her friend closely. "You've always been there to fight their battles for them. Now that you're starting to let go and let them stand on their own, they tend to resent you for it. They want their independence, but they also want you to clean up their messes. They're torn between two phases of life."  
  
"It's just so frustrating. The more I do, the less I feel appreciated." Her voice echoed the defeat she felt in her heart. "I feel like a failure."  
  
Amy patted her hand. "Did anyone ever say being a parent would be easy? Just remember that you've done your best. You've done more for those girls than most parents would do. And deep down, they know it, too."  
  
"I feel like we're drifting apart."  
  
"No, you're just entering a new phase. And they probably have their concerns about Ken."  
  
"I suppose you're right," she answered slowly, "but they barely know Ken."  
  
"Maybe they feel pushed out of your life."  
  
"I certainly hope not."  
  
"Could be since they're getting older they think you're replacing them with him."  
  
"I want him to join our family, not replace anyone."  
  
"So plan an evening with just the four of you. Let them see how he treats you."  
  
"Things are hectic right now with Serena 's graduation."  
  
"Wait a couple of weeks," she suggested. "Is Ken coming to Serena 's party?"  
  
"No."  
  
She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Why?"  
  
"Gene is coming out for the weekend. I don't want to give him any more fuel to use against me."  
  
"Irene, when are you going to wake up and quit letting your past rule your future? You made two bad choices with men, but now you have a chance for happiness. What are you afraid of?"  
  
"I'm not afraid of anything." She clasped then unclasped her hands. "Maybe I am. I don't think I could take any more rejection. Gene puts me down all the time. No matter what I do. But never to my face--he tells the girls."  
  
"Then they have to stand up to him and let him know they aren't going to tolerate it any longer."  
  
"I know you're right," Irene agreed. "I'll just be relieved when this weekend is over. I want it to be special for Serena."  
  
"It will be," her friend assured her. "And I'll be there to give you moral support." She smiled. "Let's go out to the kitchen. I've got some new recipes I want to copy for you."  
  
  
  
"It's been a long time since I've been here!" Heather exclaimed. "I like your new wallpaper."  
  
"So, how have you been feeling?" Lita asked.  
  
She shrugged. "I don't know--tired. But I really crammed for finals. At least I passed everything."  
  
"When are you leaving?"  
  
"Next week." She plopped onto the bed.  
  
Lita sat next to her. "I feel bad that we drifted apart this year." She looked into Heather's eyes.  
  
"That's okay," Heather answered as she directed her gaze away from Lita's penetrating glare. "I guess we just went in different directions. But I'll always consider you my best friend."  
  
"Why?" Lita asked, surprised.  
  
Heather smiled shyly. "Because you're so honest. Some of my new friends only say things they know you want to hear because they don't want to offend you in case they need something from you later."  
  
"So why do you hang out with them?"  
  
"I wanted to change my image." She laughed bitterly as she lowered her eyes and stared at the print bedspread. "I guess it worked, but not the way I had hoped it would. I just wanted to be cool." She ran her hand over the fabric. "I was stupid," she muttered.  
  
"You'll have a chance to make a fresh start when you move."  
  
"I suppose."  
  
"You'll meet all kinds of new people," Lita said enthusiastically. "Maybe you'll even find a great new boyfriend."  
  
"I don't think so," she said in a low voice. "You're lucky. Morrison's the greatest." She finally raised her eyes. "I was wondering about something."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Have you and Morrison ever done it?"  
  
Lita's face reddened. "Of course not! I'm not that stupid--" She abruptly caught herself when she saw the ashamed expression come across Heather's face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," she feebly apologized.  
  
"Why don't you just tell me you know?"  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"Lita, quit playing games. You wouldn't be apologizing otherwise." She looked at her friend sharply. "That's why you asked me over. Do you want to know the details?" Her voice was cold.  
  
"I don't know what you want me to say. Why didn't you tell me?" she asked. "Look at all the secrets we've shared. Why couldn't you just tell me instead of letting me find it out from the school gossips?"  
  
Heather started to cry. "Because I didn't want you to think I was a slut and look down on me," she answered in a cracked voice as the tears flowed freely from her eyes.  
  
"I would never think that! I just can't believe it happened to you. You always said you were going to wait."  
  
"I know," she sniffed. "I was stupid. What did I prove? It certainly didn't make me cool or better liked, except maybe by the guys." She wiped the tears from her cheeks. "And now none of them will even talk to me."  
  
"I'll always be your friend, Heather," she said softly. "You can count on me."  
  
"Thanks," she sniffed.  
  
Darien put his arm around Serena 's shoulder. "So are you nervous about tomorrow?"  
  
"Not really. I just don't feel like dealing with my Dad all weekend. He gets on my nerves. Nothing I do ever makes him happy. And he never likes anyone." Her voice was filled with exasperation.  
  
"At least I'll finally get to meet him."  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of."  
  
He laughed. "I'm a big boy. I'm sure I can handle it."  
  
"You don't know how he is," she said frustrated. "He can twist the smallest thing anyone says and make it come out bad."  
  
"So, I won't let him." He stroked her bare arm. "You haven't seen him much, have you?"  
  
"Fortunately, no. You'd think he'd be proud of Lita and me and spend the little time we see each other having fun. But no, he has to constantly nag us. The worse part is that he thinks he's perfect."  
  
"Maybe he's jealous."  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"I don't know. Because your mom got to raise you? Maybe he feels left out of your life," Darien reasoned.  
  
"It's his own fault. He's the one who dumped us."  
  
"Don't worry. Just relax and forget about him."  
  
"It's not easy. Just thinking about him makes me angry."  
  
"Is your mom nervous about him coming?"  
  
"Not nervous. He dumps on her the same way. Only not to her face, but to Lita and me. He gets our whole family upset. I don't know--it's hard to explain." She laid her head against his shoulder.  
  
"It sounds like there's more bothering you."  
  
"I had a fight with my mom."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because of Dad."  
  
"I'm sure she knows you're under pressure and don't really mean it."  
  
"That's not the point! It's what my Dad does. He doesn't even have to be around to cause trouble."  
  
"So? The fight with your mom can't be that bad," he said.  
  
"It was. I said some stuff I shouldn't have."  
  
"Don't worry about it. Your Mom's cool. She knows deep down you don't mean it."  
  
She squeezed his arm. "How come you always make me feel better?"  
  
"That's my job," he grinned. "Now let's forget all about your Dad and think of something else to do."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Well, I have a suggestion." He leaned over and tenderly cupped her face in his hands. His lips eagerly sought hers.  
  
"Why doesn't my mom care?" Lisa asked, staring into Irene's eyes.  
  
Irene looked into the red-rimmed, tear-swollen eyes, her heart breaking for the pain this child was suffering. "I wish I could answer that for you, honey," she said softly. "But try to remember how much your Dad loves you."  
  
"I do, but I miss my mom. We're supposed to be sharing these years. She's supposed to want to be with me. A mother just doesn't walk out on her kids." She dabbed at her eyes with a soggy tissue. "Could you just walk out on Serena and Lita?"  
  
She couldn't, nor could she understand how Mrs. Zaker could have. But she needed to find the right words to make this girl feel better, not worse. "Sometimes people make the wrong choices, Lisa. They may feel they're doing something in the best interest of their children, when in reality it's the worse possible mistake of their lives."  
  
"But I want her to be here for my graduation."  
  
"Did you tell her that?"  
  
"Not in so many words, but she should know."  
  
Irene frowned. "Lisa, how has your relationship with your mother been since she left?"  
  
She swallowed hard. "Not good."  
  
"Do you talk to her much?"  
  
"Not really. Why should I? She walked out on us."  
  
"Maybe that's part of the problem."  
  
Lisa's eyes grew wide. "Are you taking my mother's side?"  
  
Irene patted Lisa's hand. "I'm not taking anyone's side," she said gently. "I don't know your mother, so I have no way of knowing why she may have left her family."  
  
"What do you mean, then?"  
  
"She might be waiting for you to include her in your life. Maybe you should ask her why she left and hear her reasons. You admitted that you don't talk to her often." She squeezed Lisa's hand. "It could be that she's afraid to ask you to accept her back into your life."  
  
"Why should she be afraid? She's an adult."  
  
"If your conversations with her are tense, she probably feels that you've already rejected her. No one likes to feel rejected, Lisa," she said softly.  
  
"Are you trying to tell me that my mom might want me in her life, but she's too scared to tell me because she's afraid I don't want her?"  
  
"It's a possibility," Irene answered.  
  
"But what if I start being nicer to her when she calls and she still doesn't care? What if deep down she never cared?" Lisa asked worriedly.  
  
"I doubt that, but even if that's the case, then at least you'll know you tried."  
  
Lisa's eyes clouded again. "I feel bad that I kept going on and on about graduation and never asked her to come." She searched Irene's face for the answers to her questions. "Do you think that's why she said she had to work and couldn't get off?" she hopefully asked.  
  
"There's only one way to find out," Irene replied with a smile. "She may have been waiting for you to invite her, but instead you've been upset because she didn't tell you she'd be here."  
  
Lisa's face fell. "There is no way she'll be able to get here for the ceremony even if she does want to come. She probably wouldn't be able to get a flight."  
  
Irene was thoughtful for a moment. "If she decides to come and can't get here in time for the ceremony, you can show her the video and she can, at least, still see you in cap and gown."  
  
A smile broke across Lisa's face. "I don't have anything to lose," she said brightly.  
  
"No, you don't."  
  
"Thanks, Mrs. Copeland."  
  
"You don't have to thank me, Lisa. I only want to see you happy." 


	27. chapter 27

"We need to talk, Ken," Irene said.  
  
He sipped his coffee as he eyed her warily. "What's wrong? I was surprised when you asked me to meet you here." His eyes narrowed. "This isn't like before, is it?"  
  
She patted his hand. "No, I just needed to get out of the apartment. And I want to apologize again for not including you in Serena 's celebration." She affectionately squeezed his hand.  
  
"No apology needed. But I intend to be at her college graduation. That is, if you can put up with me for that long."  
  
She laughed. "Actually you're very easy to get along with. You give me new hope for the future."  
  
"I'll make you happier than either of your former husbands ever could've."  
  
"I need to talk to you about my marriages, Ken," she said seriously.  
  
"Uh oh, this doesn't sound good."  
  
"I just want to have everything out in the open. Then if you don't want to take this relationship any further, I'll understand," she said anxiously.  
  
"I should warn you about something first," he said softly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"After what I already know about Alexander, anything you tell me about Gene may just make me want to protect you even more." He took her hand in his.  
  
"Because nothing you can tell me could ever make me love you less."  
  
Tears came to her eyes. "You make me so happy, Ken," she whispered. "I don't know how I ever deserved someone like you."  
  
"Let's go to my place and talk," he said as he tenderly brushed the tears falling from her eyes.  
  
Fifteen minutes later they sat in his small apartment side by side on the sofa. He took her hands in his. "I want to know everything about you. I want to feel your pain, then I'll really know you," he said softly. "I want to give you nothing but happiness."  
  
She took a deep breath, and then slowly let it out. "I don't know where to begin."  
  
"Start at the beginning. I want to know everything that's a part of who you are today."  
  
"I come from a large family. We're not very close," she explained. "Both of my parents are deceased."  
  
"I'm sorry," he said gently. "When?"  
  
"My father passed away when I was a young child and my mother died of cancer a few years ago."  
  
"That must've been painful."  
  
"More than you know." She turned to face him. "I was married to Alexander at the time. It was horrible! He wouldn't speak to anyone at the funeral home." She closed her eyes for a moment, and then popped them back open. "He made a fool out of me and the girls. He sat alone and wouldn't even acknowledge us. Later he accused me of caring more about my mother than I did him. When I tried to grieve, he told me to get on with my life and quit acting like a mama's girl--that's what he used to call me."  
  
Ken kissed her hands.  
  
"I needed to lean on him. I couldn't believe how cold and heartless he was. It was as though feelings and pain didn't matter, just so he was happy. His happiness was supposed to be the purpose for my life."  
  
"Irene, I wish I could've been there for you." He stroked her hair.  
  
"What would you have done?" She searched his face. He brushed his lips against hers. "I would've held you while you cried, and I would've cried with you. Then I would've listened while you talked through your grief."  
  
She looked into his eyes.  
  
"I would've given you both of my shoulders to lean on. And I wouldn't have let you go until I knew you were ready, no matter how long it took."  
  
She rested her head against his chest. "Alexander used to tell me he'd be there for me, but whenever I needed him he accused me of making my own problems in my life."  
  
"I would never do that." He stroked her cheek.  
  
She felt his heart pounding as she closed her eyes. It felt so good to be this close to him. Her own heart pumped with a new intensity. She felt the first stirrings of love, but she was frightened. She didn't know if she could fully trust a man again.  
  
"Irene," he whispered, "I'm not Gene Johnson or Alexander Copeland."  
  
"I know," she whispered. "I know." She burrowed deeper into his chest, relishing the security she felt there.  
  
"Serena, you look beautiful!" Irene exclaimed as she proudly snapped a picture of her daughter in cap and gown.  
  
"There's my girl," Gene Johnson beamed as he entered the room. "I'll want copies of all the pictures," he said to Irene as he continued to look at Serena.  
  
"Of course," Irene answered. "Is Darien coming here or meeting us there?" she asked.  
  
"He's going to meet us there." She slowly turned around. "Is everything all right on me?" she anxiously asked.  
  
Irene kissed her cheek. "Yes." She stared into her daughter's eyes. "I'm so proud of you. Always remember that."  
  
Serena gave her a weak smile. "I'll be glad when this is over."  
  
"I guess we'd better get going. Where's Lita?" Irene asked.  
  
"I'm ready," Lita panted as she hurried into the room. "I was on the phone."  
  
"You'll see Morrison there," her sister said exasperatedly.  
  
"I know, but he's still upset about his mom," she replied sympathetically.  
  
"Oh?" Gene arched his eyebrows. "Is there something I should know?"  
  
"We gotta go, Dad," Serena interrupted.  
  
He picked up his jacket. "I want to talk to you girls about your boyfriends some time this weekend," he said as he put his jacket on.  
  
"Sure," Lita muttered.  
  
  
  
Irene's heart swelled with pride as she watched Serena walk across the stage to accept her diploma. She stole a glance at Gene. His expression didn't give her a clue as to what he was thinking. She thought how nice it would be to have Ken sitting beside her. He made her feel so alive and filled with hope. But she knew she had to tread slowly. Her heart couldn't take any more trauma.  
  
Later she proudly followed Serena around as she hugged, then posed for pictures with her friends.  
  
"I didn't know she was close to anyone," Gene said with a trace of surprise in his voice.  
  
"What did you think she did, Dad? Stay in her room all the time?" Lita asked sarcastically.  
  
"As a matter of fact, I did." He faced Irene. "When you were with Alexander didn't she isolate herself?"  
  
"That was a long time ago," Irene answered coolly.  
  
"Yeah," Lita said. "She might be a geek, but she does have friends."  
  
"Lita, that's not nice. She's not a geek," Irene gently scolded.  
  
Gene stuffed his hands into his pockets as his eyes traveled over the sea of graduates and their guests. Finally his eyes rested on Serena and Darien. "Who's that boy with Serena?"  
  
"Darien the geek," Lita said with a laugh.  
  
"That's the boy she's so infatuated with?"  
  
"He's a nice boy," Irene quickly defended.  
  
"Hmmm. So why haven't I ever met him?"  
  
"It's not like you've visited much, Gene. The girls have always flown to your home. You never spent time on their turf."  
  
"She's too young to be tied down. I think college will be good for her. In a few months Darien will just be a fond memory." His voice was matter-of-fact.  
  
"I don't think so. Serena and Darien have been together for a long time and college certainly hasn't changed his feelings for her," Irene explained.  
  
"She's young--there'll be many boys before she settles down."  
  
Irene looked at Lita and shook her head. They both knew it would do no good to try to explain anything to Gene Johnson. He was a self-proclaimed expert on any topic--even though he knew nothing about it.  
  
"So, where's this Morrison you're so hung up on?" Gene asked Lita.  
  
She shrugged. "He said they were leaving right after the ceremony."  
  
"Oh, that's too bad. I was hoping to meet him."  
  
"You can meet him tomorrow at Serena 's party."  
  
"Am I going to meet Darien?"  
  
"Give her a chance, Gene. She'll introduce you when the time is right."  
  
He shook his head. "I don't know, Irene. Sometimes I wonder about the way you've raised the girls."  
  
Irene silently prayed he wouldn't do anything tomorrow to ruin Serena 's party. He had a knack for offending anyone who didn't agree with his narrow-minded viewpoints.  
  
"Need help?" Amy asked.  
  
Irene surveyed Serena 's guests, who were mingling around the grill waiting for the hamburgers and hot dogs.  
  
"You can take this tray of vegetables and dips out if you'd like."  
  
"Sure." Amy smiled. "I see you're keeping Gene occupied."  
  
She laughed. "I promised Serena I'd keep him out of her way as much as possible."  
  
"Looks like it's working." She looked around. "You have a nice turnout."  
  
"Better than I thought. I was worried this morning."  
  
Amy peered out the window. "Lita seems lost. Where's Morrison?"  
  
"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you," Irene said as she wiped her hands on a dishtowel. "He called early this morning. He was so excited. When they got home last night Mrs. Zaker was waiting for them. I was thrilled for Lisa. Even though her mother's plane arrived too late for the ceremony, at least she did show up. And since the graduation was taped, she got to watch it."  
  
"Are they coming over?"  
  
"They were going to, but Morrison said they have a lot to discuss with their mother. She's planning to take Lisa and Morrison on a trip this summer."  
  
"I'm so happy for them," Amy began, "but I suppose it'll be hard for Lita."  
  
Irene sighed. "I hope the trip I'm planning for us will take her mind off him and Serena's leaving for college this fall."  
  
"I'm sure she'll be fine." Amy picked up the tray. "But just the same, I'll go see if I can cheer her up. Maybe she's feeling a little left out."  
  
"I've tried to spend time with her, but she's at such a difficult stage." She put some crackers on a plate. "And then the Heather Miller situation hasn't helped."  
  
"Oh, I know!" Amy exclaimed. "I was so shocked. But I think Lita handled that with a great deal of maturity and compassion for Heather."  
  
"That she did," Irene proudly agreed.  
  
Amy frowned. "I don't want to interfere, but I think Ken should be here. If he's going to be a part of your life, he needs to be included."  
  
Irene sighed. "Amy, I want nothing more than to have Ken with me at this moment. I don't know if I can explain this, but I feel so different when he's around."  
  
Her friend laughed. "I believe it's called love, Irene."  
  
Her face reddened.  
  
"Give in to it," Amy prodded. "You can't fight it. You've got it bad, girl."  
  
"I've known it for a while," she admitted. "I wanted him with me so desperately last night and especially today. But I couldn't let Gene give him the third degree. Ken really does understand, though."  
  
"Think of yourself and your happiness for once, Irene," Amy said as she opened the door.  
  
Later that night Irene plopped into a chair. She was physically exhausted, but pleased with the success of Serena 's party. Everyone appeared to have had a good time and Gene had even complimented her on how nice it was.  
  
She rubbed her eyes, and then looked at the counter and sink brimming with dirty dishes. She groaned as she thought of the dreaded task ahead of her. Slowly she rose, making her way over to the sink to begin scraping plates. Her thoughts were on Ken. She filled the sink with hot, soapy water. Slowly she washed a plate. She closed her eyes and dreamed of Ken's strong hands caressing her shoulders and neck. She felt goose bumps on her tingling flesh. No man had ever made her feel this way before. She needed to surrender her love to Ken.  
  
"Hi, Mom."  
  
Irene opened her eyes, startled by the intrusion.  
  
Lita plopped down into a chair.  
  
Irene saw the sadness in her eyes. "Hi, Lita. Did you have fun today?"  
  
She shrugged the typical teenager "It was okay" shrug.  
  
"So, how was your talk with your father?"  
  
"The same basic conversation. He should just make a tape and tell us when we need to hear it. He's right about everything and I'm wrong about everything."  
  
"Don't let it get to you, honey. You know deep down inside the real truth."  
  
"Well, he still puts you down!" Her voice was angry.  
  
"Don't worry about it. It doesn't bother me."  
  
"Why don't you stand up to him?" she demanded. "He dumps on you and you won't even defend yourself!"  
  
"What did he say that has you so upset?"  
  
She propped her chin in her hands. "How you aren't a very good mother because Serena and I say what we want. He says we're rude and sarcastic!"  
  
"I can't believe he'd say that to you."  
  
"I'm sick and tired of being around him. I don't want to see him anymore. He's never been a good father. All he does is screw up our lives. He hurts us and he doesn't even care!"  
  
  
  
Irene patted Lita's shoulder. "That's just his way. I'll talk to him tomorrow," she promised.  
  
Serena stared in disbelief at her sister. "Lita, why is Dad saying that about me and Mom?"  
  
"He's jealous," she answered as she threw her magazine onto the floor.  
  
"Of what?"  
  
Lita looked at her sister. "How do I know? Probably because we turned out okay."  
  
"That makes absolutely no sense," Serena reasoned. "Mom did a lot for us. Dad never even tried to get to know us."  
  
"I know," Lita answered, "but do you really think he's gonna give Mom any credit?"  
  
She sighed. "I know he won't and it's stupid. He needs to grow up and act like a father."  
  
"What does a father act like?"  
  
Serena laughed.  
  
Lita tossed her hair off her shoulder. "I'm serious." She stared into Serena 's eyes. "We have two examples--Dad and Alexander. And we remember well what kind of father Alexander turned out to be."  
  
"I don't know what Dad's problem is," Serena answered.  
  
"He tries to use his money as a threat. If we don't do what he wants, then he won't help us."  
  
"I don't care," Serena said. "I've got some scholarships and loans and Mom is going to help me."  
  
"Yeah, but that's not the point. He should want us to have more opportunities than he did."  
  
"But he'll never see it that way."  
  
"So what do we do?"  
  
"I don't know about you, Lita, but I'm just not gonna bother with him if he keeps putting us down. What's the point?"  
  
"It's still stupid. He never treats us like he cares about us. He's always got something to complain about."  
  
"Someday maybe he'll look back and see what he's done."  
  
"Even if he does, he'll still twist it around and we'll still get the blame."  
  
"I know," Serena, said with a sigh as she sat on the edge of her sister's bed. Her eyes surveyed the messy room. "We know the truth and that's all that matters." She looked at Lita. "So when are you gonna clean up this mess?"  
  
Lita yawned, then stretched. "What mess?" she asked, scanning the room.  
  
Irene looked intently at her ex-husband. "Gene," she began, "Lita is upset because of the talk you had with her."  
  
"That girl has a problem with respect," he immediately replied.  
  
"Can't you be a little less critical of the girls?"  
  
"They don't appreciate anything. They want and keep expecting more."  
  
"That's not true. They've both worked very hard in school--even through the rough times."  
  
"And whose fault was that?" he asked sharply.  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"Meaning your relationship with Alexander."  
  
The blood rushed to her face. "I also protected them and removed them from that situation." Her tension built. She fought the urge to tell him what she really thought of him.  
  
"You should've taught them to show respect."  
  
"Serena and Lita have always been respectful. I've taught them to show respect for others, but also that they should be respected in return."  
  
"What you've taught them, Irene, is to have no respect for me," he said harshly.  
  
"Look, Gene, I've never interfered with your relationship with the girls. I've sent you clippings of everything they've ever been involved in and have kept you abreast of everything in their lives." Her eyes narrowed. "I can't believe that you could accuse me of this!"  
  
"I call it as I see it," he calmly answered.  
  
"It's no use talking to you." She turned to leave, then stopped. "I just have one more thing to say to you, Gene."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Just remember the circumstances of our divorce. I never turned my back on my daughters." She didn't wait for his response as she firmly shut his motel room door behind herself. 


	28. chapter 28

Irene tightly clutched her purse in her hands. "I had to see you today. I'm sorry for the short notice."  
  
"I'm happy to squeeze you in," Jerry Feldon answered. "Now fill me in on everything that has happened since your last visit. What's gotten you so upset?" he asked, leaning back in his chair.  
  
"It's Gene Johnson," she spat out between clenched teeth, as though the mere mention of his name caused her to become even angrier.  
  
"How'd the party go?"  
  
"Great. It's the garbage he's trying to fill Lita with. She's got enough on her mind without his putting more on her."  
  
"Irene, why do you allow him to upset you?"  
  
"I don't know. He knows the right buttons to push. I went out of my way to treat him well when he was here. And what did I get in return?" she asked as she flung her hands in the air. "Just being ridiculed to Lita. But that's not all. He's putting Serena down to Lita, too." She shook her head in disgust.  
  
"What were the girls reactions?"  
  
"They're both upset and want nothing more to do with him."  
  
"Then it's solved. You have no more problems with Gene Johnson. Cut him completely out of your life."  
  
"How can I do that?" she asked, bewildered.  
  
Jerry shrugged. "He has no control over you, Irene, and you have to let him know that. The more upset you become, the more power he has over you."  
  
Irene gave him a quizzical look.  
  
"Let me explain. What can he possibly do to you? He has to pay child support for Lita. As far as Serena is concerned, you've been supporting her since she turned eighteen, even though you could've gotten support for her until she graduated from college. She has her loans and scholarships and you're helping her with her other college expenses. A year from now, in all probability, you should be financially secure with the new book coming out."  
  
"That's true," she admitted. "It's just that he makes me so angry."  
  
"That's because you let him. My advice is to get on with your life. If Gene Johnson wants a relationship with his daughters, it's up to him. You've done more than was necessary to keep a relationship between him and the girls. They realize all you've done for them. They'll never forget it. If they want to see their father, you don't need to be a part of it. They're both old enough to make the decision for themselves. Don't feel guilty. The choice is theirs. He's the one at fault, not you. Just remember that."  
  
She smiled. "You make it sound so simple."  
  
He returned her smile. "It is. When you have all of this confronting you at once it's hard to look at it objectively. But you need to learn to stand back and look at it, analyze it, and then realize that no matter what you do, you can't change Gene. Only Gene can change Gene. The only thing you two have in common are the girls. There's nothing else. He's part of your past. If he chooses to throw away his role as father, he can only blame himself."  
  
"But he always throws it back on me."  
  
"Of course he does! He refuses to take responsibility for his own actions and until he does, he's going to be a very lonely, unhappy man."  
  
"That makes sense. Now if I just remember what you've told me."  
  
"Engrave it in your memory," he teased.  
  
"I may just have to," she laughed.  
  
"Now tell me what's happening in the other areas of your life."  
  
"The phone calls have tapered off."  
  
"Do you still have the phone tap?"  
  
"Yes, but the caller doesn't stay on the line long enough to be positively identified."  
  
"I'll be relieved when it's over and they catch whoever is doing this."  
  
"Me, too," she said.  
  
"Now," he smiled broadly, "what about your personal life?"  
  
She blushed. "You mean what's happening with Ken Tsukino?"  
  
"Who else?"  
  
"We're taking it slow. I'm still apprehensive."  
  
"How does he treat you?"  
  
"I couldn't ask for a kinder, more sincere man."  
  
"Give him a chance, then. Remember, just because you've had two bad relationships doesn't mean Ken will turn out to be another bad choice."  
  
"I know." Her eyes brightened. "He makes me feel special. Sometimes I feel just like a teenager in love."  
  
"I'm happy for you, Irene." He observed her, pleased that she had found someone to share her life with. She deserved it. "Keep me posted," he said, standing up.  
  
"That I'll do." She smiled self-consciously. "Did I ever tell you how much I value your advice and friendship?"  
  
"I already know," he answered.  
  
"Where are the girls tonight?" Ken asked.  
  
"Serena 's out with Darien and Lita's at the Bakers'."  
  
"So it's just you and me, kid," he teased.  
  
She smiled as she leaned back, resting her head against his shoulder. "This is nice. Just being able to relax and not think about anything."  
  
"What about being loved and protected?"  
  
She sighed. "Twice I thought I was going to be loved and protected for the rest of my life and both times I was abandoned, tossed out with the garbage."  
  
He hugged her close. "I hope someday I can make you forget all that hurt. I'll protect you and love you for the rest of your life."  
  
She stiffened.  
  
"Did I say something wrong?" he softly asked.  
  
"No . . . I mean, I just thought we were going to take things slow, not get too serious too quickly."  
  
He inhaled deeply. "I can't meter out my feelings like that, Irene. If something's not right between two people, then it's obvious from the beginning. But when you're attracted to someone and you know the feeling is right, you can't just sit back and tell yourself not to act on those feelings." He leaned forward, facing her. He fought back the urge to take her in his arms. What could he ever say or do to convince her she was safe with him? He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Would he ever stand a chance or would all of his efforts be futile? He felt the frustration welling within his chest. There was so much pain inside her that he needed her to release to him. "Maybe your feelings for me aren't as deep as I thought." He tenderly stroked her cheek.  
  
She couldn't escape his eyes penetrating her own. She turned, trying to look away, but couldn't. Her heart quickened. "I do care," she whispered. "I care more than you could ever know." Tears filled her eyes.  
  
"Then share your pain with me," he said, stroking her hair. "I need to know every part of you. I need to share your joys and sorrows."  
  
A tear fell from her eye. Ken pulled her toward him, gently kissed her, and then cradled her in his arms. "I want to love you and protect you forever. I'll never let anyone hurt you again. Just let me love you."  
  
Irene knew the sincerity of his words and how difficult it must be for him. She sensed his fear of rejection and she had to convince him of her desire to be with him, but also her fears. She looked up at him. "Ken, I can't deny my feelings for you. I'm just so afraid."  
  
"Don't be," he said quickly. "I love and accept every part of you-- past, present, and hopefully, future with me." He cupped her face in his hands. "Tell me that you love me," he said, searching her face.  
  
"You know I do," she whispered.  
  
"I want to hear you say it," he insisted.  
  
She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I do . . . I do love you, Ken," she choked as tears flowed freely from her eyes.  
  
He enclosed her in his arm, kissing away the tears on her chin, cheeks, then lips. "I need you, Irene."  
  
Before she could answer, the phone rang, jarring them both. She grabbed the phone. "Maybe it's one of the girls."  
  
A strange expression came over her face. Ken put his head close to hers as he listened to the voice on the other end of the line. The voice was raspy and almost incoherent, making it obvious that the caller was disguising his identity. Ken strained to make out the words.  
  
"I warned you, Irene. Now you have to pay for what you've done!" the voice hissed.  
  
An eerie feeling crept over Irene, sending chills down her spine. She looked desperately at Ken. He pointed to his wristwatch. She knew that she needed to stall for time. "What . . . what did I do?" she asked in a shaky voice.  
  
"He's there right now with you, isn't he?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Don't play games with me, Irene."  
  
Irene looked questioningly at Ken. He pointed again to his wristwatch.  
  
"I'm alone," she answered.  
  
"Liar!"  
  
"Why would I lie to you?"  
  
"He's there. I know he's there with you right now!"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Your boyfriend!"  
  
"No. No one is here. I'm alone."  
  
"Don't lie to me! You know I can't stand liars."  
  
"I'm not lying."  
  
"Irene, listen and listen good."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Your days are numbered."  
  
Her palm grew sweaty, and she almost dropped the phone. "Who are you?" she demanded.  
  
"It doesn't matter. You've hurt too many people and you have to be stopped."  
  
"Who have I hurt?"  
  
"Your lies are going to stop!" he hissed.  
  
Ken pointed to the time and gave thumbs up. "Say what you want to," he whispered. Relief flooded through Irene.  
  
"I'm not afraid of you," she said confidently.  
  
"You should be. You better keep a close eye on your daughters, too!"  
  
"I know who you are."  
  
The caller laughed sarcastically. "I don't think so."  
  
"I know it's you, Alexander."  
  
There was a brief period of silence, followed by the phone being slammed down. Irene quietly replaced the receiver, and then turned to Ken. He put his arm around her. "It's over."  
  
"Why would he do this to me?" she asked. "Why?"  
  
Ken shook his head. "I don't know."  
  
They both turned when they heard the door slam. Seconds later Serena walked into the room. "What's the matter, Mom?" She looked at Ken, then back to her mother.  
  
"You look like you just saw a ghost," Lita said as she joined them, throwing her jacket over the back of a chair.  
  
"Hi, girls," Ken said.  
  
"Hi," they answered simultaneously.  
  
"What's going on?" Serena demanded.  
  
"Your mother received another phone call tonight. She was able to keep him on the line so the police will be able to arrest him."  
  
"Alexander?" Serena asked.  
  
Ken nodded.  
  
"I knew it was him!" Lita exclaimed.  
  
"I hope they lock him up for the rest of his life," Serena said bitterly.  
  
"I have to call the station," Ken said.  
  
Irene turned her attention to her daughters. "I can't believe Alexander would do this to us."  
  
"I can," Serena said firmly. Ken walked over to them.  
  
Irene saw the bewildered expression on his face. "What is it?" she asked.  
  
"Let's all sit down." He led her to the sofa. Lita and Serena sat on the love seat. All eyes focused on him.  
  
"Irene, you need to go down to the station to sign some papers."  
  
"Sure," she nodded.  
  
"I'll take you in a few minutes, but first I have to tell you something."  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
He shook his head in disbelief. "It's not Alexander, Irene."  
  
"What!" she exclaimed. "But you said the call was traced to his house."  
  
"It was," he explained. "But Alexander had nothing to do with the phone calls. It's been Stephan from the beginning."  
  
Irene's hand flew to her mouth. "Why?"  
  
The girls sat in stunned silence.  
  
"I know it's difficult to comprehend. The kid must be pretty messed up, bu  
  
"I don't think that would be a good idea, Irene."  
  
"See if you can arrange it," she insisted.  
  
"I'll try," he promised, "but what do you hope to accomplish?"  
  
"I just need to know why." 


	29. chapter 29

Irene sat in a conference room, waiting for Stephan to be brought in. The room was cramped and stuffy. Paint peeled on almost every wall. Watermarks stained the ceiling, and the large table in the center of the room was badly scarred.  
  
"Can I talk to him when we get to the station?" she asked. Irene sat in a conference room, waiting for Stephan to be brought in. The room was cramped and stuffy. Paint peeled on almost every wall. Watermarks stained the ceiling, and the large table in the center of the room was badly scarred.  
  
The door opened, and Irene turned to face her former stepson. She was shocked by his appearance. She couldn't believe this was the boy she had helped raise. His features had grown hard; he was stone-faced except for his eyes, which flitted wildly. His father stood by his side.  
  
"Hi, Stephan," she said softly.  
  
He raised his eyes to hers but said nothing.  
  
Alexander, glaring angrily, put a hand on his son's shoulder. "It's your fault he's in this mess."  
  
"No, Alexander, it's not my fault." She looked again at Stephan "On second thought, maybe you're right. It's my fault for not insisting he get the help he needed years ago."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with my son!" Alexander thundered.  
  
"Keep it down, please," Ken ordered.  
  
Alexander turned on his heel, facing Ken. "How dare you tell me what to do? You're nothing but a home wrecker--stealing another man's wife."  
  
Ken shook his head. "Alexander, you and Irene have been divorced for a long time now. She's free to do as she pleases."  
  
His eyes flashed angrily, but he kept silent. Irene put a hand on Stephan's shoulder. He thrust it off. "What do you want from me?" he snarled.  
  
"I just want to know why. Why have you tormented me and the girls for all these months?"  
  
"You deserved it."  
  
"No, Stephan deep down you know we didn't deserve what you did to us."  
  
"You left," he mumbled.  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "Yes I did, and you know why."  
  
He rapidly blinked. "You left me with him!" he screamed, whirling on his heel. With clenched fists he pounded on his father's chest. Ken grabbed the boy's shoulders, and then held his arms behind his back.  
  
"Don't you hurt my son!" Alexander ordered.  
  
Ken swallowed hard, eyeing Alexander coldly. "It looks like you already have, buddy."  
  
  
  
"I'm glad this mess is over!" Lita exclaimed. "But I feel sorry for Stephan"  
  
"Me, too," Serena added. "What do you think will happen to him?"  
  
"He'll definitely get the help he needs, and then maybe Alexander will finally accept responsibility for his part in this," Irene replied.  
  
"It's still too bad," Serena said, "but at least Stephan will have the chance to deal with all the years of abuse from his father."  
  
"It'll take a long time, honey. That poor kid has years of pain welled up inside."  
  
"But why did he make those calls?" Lita asked.  
  
Irene sighed. "He wanted to punish me for leaving him."  
  
"That doesn't make sense, Mom," Serena said.  
  
"It does if you think about it. When we lived with them, Alexander had me to thrust his abuse on, then you girls. Stephan was given a reprieve. Alexander had himself convinced he had never abused his son and went to the opposite extreme by giving in to his every whim and lavishing all kinds of attention on him." Irene clasped her hands together. "When we left, Alexander only had his son, so he started abusing him again. Stephan went from abuse to love and back to abuse."  
  
"That's weird," Serena said sadly.  
  
"Yes, it is. Just imagine the confusion going on in Stephan's mind all these years. Eventually something had to snap."  
  
"Will Alexander have charges filed against him?" Lita asked.  
  
"I don't know, honey. It's hard to say how the system will work in this case. But I'm sure he'll be required to get counseling. Maybe then he'll finally admit what he did to all of us and that the consequences of his life are his own doing."  
  
"I'm just relieved he won't be bothering us anymore," Serena stated.  
  
"We're all relieved," Irene said, standing up. "Now, who feels like going out for pizza?"  
  
  
  
Amy dabbed her mouth with a napkin. "It's so unbelievable. Like something right out of a novel!" she exclaimed. "My heart goes out to that poor boy."  
  
Irene looked intently at her. "I just wish I would've done something way back when the school called me."  
  
"What could you have possibly done, Irene?"  
  
"I don't know," she admitted. "I should've never let Alexander abuse any of us. I never dreamed he was abusing his son. When I first met Alexander, I never picked up on anything. I should've done something," she repeated.  
  
"Mom, you were lucky you could protect yourself," Lita said.  
  
"Yeah, besides, we all thought he was treating Stephan okay," Serena replied.  
  
"Well, why didn't the school do something?" Irene asked disgustedly.  
  
"Irene, what more could they do? You said yourself that Stephan denied any abuse from his father," Amy said.  
  
"It just makes me sick to my stomach."  
  
"Alexander will get his one of these days," she assured her friend.  
  
"It won't be too soon for me," she said between gritted teeth. "I still think someone should've helped that kid."  
  
Amy stared thoughtfully at Irene.  
  
"What?" Irene asked, knowing Amy was trying to rationalize something in her mind.  
  
"I want you to think about something for a moment."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Actually you acted no differently than Stephan did."  
  
Irene was puzzled. "I don't follow you."  
  
"How many times did you refuse to press charges against Alexander? How many times did you cover for him?"  
  
Her face reddened.  
  
"You lied to me from day one--the day in the garden. You told me you were clumsy and got your bruises from bumping into things."  
  
"But . . . I . . ." She feebly tried to justify her lies but knew she couldn't. Amy had spoken the truth, and the truth hurt.  
  
"Is it any different?" Amy gently asked.  
  
Irene's shoulders drooped. "No, it isn't. I never knew one person could scare me so much. Stephan lived with that fear day in and day out before I met Alexander and after I left him."  
  
"There's something to be thankful for, though," Amy said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Stephan will get the help he needs and hopefully not pass the abuse onto anyone else."  
  
"It'll take a long time for him to sort through everything that's happened to him."  
  
"Yes, but at least he now has a chance for a happy future. That's all that matters," Amy said. 


	30. chapter 30

"So where are the four of you headed tonight?" Ken asked the group.  
  
"Serena and I are going school clothes shopping," Darien said with a trace of laughter in his voice. Serena playfully punched his shoulder. "Hey! You said you would show me what the girls in college are wearing."  
  
Ken laughed heartily. "Get used to it, Darien. Once they get you, they make you do all kinds of things you never dreamed you'd be doing."  
  
"What do you mean by that, Detective?" Irene jokingly asked.  
  
"Whoa, looks like I got myself in hot water again," Ken teased.  
  
"Again!" Irene exclaimed. "You haven't been out of hot water since I met you."  
  
Lita laughed. "You guys are so weird."  
  
"And what are your thoughts, Morrison?" Ken asked.  
  
"Don't drag me into this. I'm staying neutral," he grinned.  
  
"Sure, Morrison, play it safe," Darien said.  
  
"That's my motto. Don't take sides."  
  
"So, how's Lisa doing?" Irene asked.  
  
"Good. She's going to live with our mother and go to college in California."  
  
"I sure miss her," Serena said.  
  
"Yeah, it's strange without her around," Morrison said, then added with a glint of mischief in his eye, "but it sure is great being able to use the bathroom."  
  
"I know what you mean," Ken jumped in. "The women go in there and you can never get them out."  
  
"Morrison, now look what you've started," Lita laughed.  
  
"Well, we women are going to make a list of all the things you guys do that make us crazy," Irene said.  
  
"You start the list, Mom, and we'll add to it when we get home," Serena said.  
  
  
  
"Peace and quiet at last," Ken sighed, leaning back into the sofa.  
  
"You could've had peace and quiet sooner if you hadn't gotten the boys so wound up, you instigator," Irene teased.  
  
"They're a great group of kids."  
  
"They are. It's a relief to see the girls so relaxed again."  
  
"They've been through so much the past few years, you must feel a tremendous burden lifted from your shoulders."  
  
She sighed deeply. "It does feel good. Now I can finally put the past behind me and get on with my life."  
  
"Just so I'm included in your present and future," he said seriously.  
  
"You know you are, Ken. I don't know how I would've gotten through these past weeks without you to lean on."  
  
"And it wasn't so bad to lean on me, was it?"  
  
She smiled. "No, it wasn't. As a matter of fact, I could get used to having you around." She slipped her arm through his, looking deeply into his eyes. "I've gotten used to having you around."  
  
"That's what I wanted to hear." He stroked her cheek. "So, when are you planning your trip?"  
  
She frowned. "I'm not sure. I wanted to go the end of July, but Serena won't be too thrilled leaving Darien. He has to be back in school a couple of weeks before she starts, so I might plan it then."  
  
"Where's your destination?"  
  
"Serena wants to go to Seattle."  
  
"Sounds like fun." He ran his finger lightly over her bare arm. "How are you going to get around without driving?"  
  
"Serena sent for some information. There are all types of public transportation if we stay in the city. There's a shuttle to and from the airport."  
  
"I have some vacation time coming myself," he hinted.  
  
"Is that so?" She smiled. "What do you plan to do?"  
  
He shrugged. "I don't know. Find an attractive author and see if she can use a rugged, lonely detective to help fill a void in her life."  
  
She laughed. "If that's a hint Detective Tsukino, it's pretty shallow." She squeezed his hand. "For your information, the girls and I have already discussed the possibility of you joining us."  
  
"And what was the verdict?"  
  
"A unanimous yes!" He smiled. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you. Were you ever going to tell me?"  
  
"Yes, I was, but first I wanted to see if you really wanted to go with us."  
  
"I would go to the end of the world for you." He gently turned her chin until she was facing him. He gazed into her eyes. "One thing I promise you, Irene, is that no one will ever hurt you again. I'll be that character in your book--the one who loves you more than his own life. That's my promise to you."  
  
She kissed him tenderly. "I've fallen in love with you, Ken. The way I feel about you I've never felt for another man," she whispered.  
  
A smile spread across his face. "You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that, Irene." He cradled her in his arms. "I'm going to show you and the girls what a normal family is really like. I'll smother the three of you with so much love and affection that you'll forget all the pain and suffering you went through. That's my promise."  
  
"I accept," she said as tears filled her eyes. 


	31. epilogue

Epilogue Three years later  
  
"Irene, you've brought a miracle into my life." Ken said proudly as he watched his wife of three years nurse their son, Samuel "Sammy" Tsukino. Looking at his son, Ken realized that Sammy had his mother's blue eyes and the start of sandy hair, like his had been in his youth.  
  
"No dear, the day you proved you would always be there for me is the day you brought a miracle in my, no our lives."  
  
"Ken, do you mind if we see our half-brother?" inquired Serena who was home from her last year of college to be with her family for this happy occasion.  
  
"I don't see why not, here be careful."  
  
"Thanks, I will be and Ken, everyday since you married our mother has been full of miracles, even if they seem small or insignificant to most people, they mean the world to us."  
  
"I totally agree, you've helped each of us along, even if its just been watching us fall and helping us up." added Lita.  
  
"Now let's leave them alone." Added Darien. "I'm sure they have a lot to talk about."  
  
Later..  
  
Serena and Darien were discussing getting married in the next few months while Lita and Morrison were talking about how college was going for both of them. All in all, its hard to believe that five short years ago, none of this seemed possible, but now love is the legacy of their new family, and not hate and mistrust for from the ashes and remains of people's Broken Dreams came New Hopes, for everyone. 


End file.
